|Locations||Mr. Mination's Office: A Show-ho-ho-down|
|Resistance||Soft damage cap: 50|
"Hey, Mination! Heads up!" you shout, tossing a handy stapler at him. Mr. Mination spins around, ducking the projectile, and glares at you.
"You know," he says, "this will adversely affect your next performance review. Linda, take a memo! Employee <player> is insubordinate, unstable, and HEADLESS!"
"Well, then, you'd better call a headhunter to fill my position, because I QUIT!" you shout, as Uncle Crimbo siezes Mr. Mination's claw arm to keep it from decapitating you.
"You can't quit!" Mr. Mination shouts. "I'm going to fire you, and by 'fire' I mean 'kill!'"
Mr. Mination fires off a scathing memo about your work performance. It really hurts your feelings. Ugh!
He smacks you with a tentacle arm. Tentacle arm, tentacle arm, doin' a fair bit of tentacle harm... Ugh!
An disgruntled elfployee shouts, "yippee ki yay, and other cluckers!" and fires a machine gun at you. Ho, ho, ho. Ugh!
Uncle Crimbo lobs a pair of scissors at Mr. Mination, but misses and they stick in your <skull>. Ugh!
He dips his claw into the zen sand garden on his desk, then snaps it shut on your <face>. If only you didn't believe in sandy claws. Ugh!
Uncle Crimbo throws a tape dispenser at Mr. Mination and hits you square in the head with it. "Stop helping me help you!" you shout. Ugh!
He wraps his tentacle arm around you and squeezes. Uncle Crimbo steps forward and tries to put out his cigar on the tentacle arm, but misses and hits you instead. Gah, that guy's useless! Ugh! (hot damage)
A hobo elf diverts Mr. Mination's attention for a minute with a crazy rant about alien bugs living in his skull.
He tries to throw sand from his zen garden at you with his claw arm, but you don't believe in sandy claws.
He swings his tentacle arm at you, but smacks an elfployee by accident. Wow, he really *does* think of you guys as interchangeable drones.
One of the hobo elves pulls a banana peel out of his hair and slips it under Mr. Mination, tripping him before he can hit you.
Uncle Crimbo trips Mr. Mination before he can attack you. That's the most useful Uncle C's ever been!
He has to stop to give quarterly performance reviews to all the elfployees, then sign a bunch of congratulatory perfect attendance certificates. (FUMBLE!)
After winning:Mr. Mination falls to the floor, unconscious and drooling. Uncle Crimbo kneels down beside him and touches one of his foreheads gently. "Poor soulless monster," he says, "all he wanted was to give -- well, sell -- us something great -- well, acceptable. Happy Crimbo, Mr. Mination."
Then he stands up and dusts off his hands. "Well, that's that. Now, where's that hat?"
"Right here!" shouts one of the elfployees. He's holding the hat in his hands, and jams it on his head. "I, Eric Jensen, am the new monarch of Crimbo! All hail me!"
"Oh, give me that," Crimbo snaps, easily snatching the hat and putting it on.
"Ho? HO! HO!" he shouts, as his face begins to glow. He seems to grow taller, until his head scrapes the ceiling. "THAT'S MORE LIKE IT! I'M JUICED, KID! JUICED!
And as for you --" he says, turning to Mr. Mination, who is struggling to his feet, "got a little present for you." He lays a finger aside one of Mr. Mination's noses. "HAPPY CRIMBO!" Uncle Crimbo shouts, and there's a bright flash of light. Where Mr. Mination was standing are six very confused elves.
"What happened?" one of them whispers. "Last thing I remember, we were making toys in an unshielded atomic factory."
"Uh, that was . . . a dream!" Uncle Crimbo says, blushing. Then he turns to look at you.
"Thanks for pulling my jingle bells out of the fire again, kid. I won't forget it. Happy Crimbo to all, and let's go get hammered." He tosses you a gift, lays a finger inside of his nose, and blasts up out of the roof of the CRIMBCO building.
Inside the box is a present and this note:
"CRIMBCO is undergoing a period of right-sizing -- aw, screw it. I'm shutting down this cubicle crap and rebuilding Crimbo the way it ought to be. Everyone's fired. Finish up whatever work you were doing and clear out, okay? Consider this your severance package. Love, Uncle C."
|You acquire an item: jingle bell (100% chance)*|
Occurs as a choice of A Show-ho-ho-down.
- For a short time immediately after rollover, this monster (and Uncle Crimbo) could be photocopied or copied via other means (such as the Spooky Putty sheet) and fought again. If you ran away from this battle after obtaining a copy, you could fight these monsters multiple times and receive multiple drops.