Monty Basingstoke-Pratt, IV
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 You're fighting Monty Basingstoke-Pratt, IVWell, Muffy, it looks like you've encountered Lord Montague "Monty" Basingstoke-Pratt IV. His blood is so blue it's frequently mistaken for toilet bowl cleaner, and his teeth are white enough to be seen from orbit. He has a sweater tied around his neck, an ascot, a dickey, and a sizeable trust fund. He looks like the bastard child of a chewing gum commercial and a J. Crew catalog.
Rumor has it that he's a member of a secret society, the Bum and Paddles. It's an organization where rich folks can sit around plotting world domination and generally feeling superior to everyone else. Sounds like fun, doesn't it?
Hit Message(s):
He looks down his nose at you, sniffing dismissively. Ow! Your feelings!
Ow! Ooh! Oof! Ooh! Ouch! (sleaze damage)
He shows you the super-secret greeting of the Bum and Paddles society. Here's a hint - it involves your bum, and a paddle. Ouch! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ugh!
He hits you with his dickey. Huh huh. Ooh! Oof! Ooh! Eek! Eek! (sleaze damage)
He picks up a PADL phone and says "the goshawk flies at midnight." A ninja appears out of nowhere and slices your thigh. Eek! Ow! Ugh! Ouch! Oof!
He garottes you with his ascot. Oof! Ow! Ooh! Ouch! Ooh! (sleaze damage)
Critical Hit Message:
He uses the secret hazing methods passed down through generations of Bum and Paddle members to somehow paddle you from fifteen feet away. It's pretty impressive and very painful.Ouch! Ugh!
Miss Message(s):
He tries to act snooty with you, but you're distracted by how funny a word "snooty" is.
He's too distracted with being the behind-the-scenes power of the entire Kingdom to bother attacking you.
He tries to paddle your bum, but no one will bum him a paddle to do so.
He tries to hit you with his dickey, but you make fun of the word "dickey" until he's near tears.
Fumble Message:
He tries to take off his ascot and strangle you with it, but it gets tangled in the buttons on his dickey and the sweater tied around his neck. He turns a little blue as he tries to disentangle himself.
 | You gain 174-215 Meat. |
References
- J. Crew is a well-known "preppy" fashion clothing brand.
- The Bum and Paddles is a possible reference to The Order of Skull and Bones, a secret society at Yale University, rumored to have mysterious international connections, but not necessarily bent on world domination.
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