Mob Penguin goon
From TheKolWiki
 You're fighting a Mob Penguin goonThis is a thick-skulled slab of hired muscle with delusions of eloquence. He says, "regrettably, my employers has requested that I should engage in fisticuffs with you. Rest assured that I bear you no animosity, but, what with the current dearth of job opportunities, I am forced to engage in mayhem-for-hire."
Yeesh -- already you're starting to miss the goons with one-syllable vocabularies. Why doesn't he just shut up and hit you already?
Hit Message(s):
He says, "my patella seeks urgent palaver with your primary sexual characteristics," then knees you in the groin. Eek! Ouch!
He says, "please pardon this arboreal-cranial juxtaposition," and hits you in the head with a stick. Ow! Oof!
He says, "pardon this egregious lapse in my normally pacifistic tendencies," and punches you in the face. Ow! Ouch!
He says, "I find it expeditious to utilize specialized equipment for my trade," and hits you with a lead pipe. Ooh! Ow!
He says, "regrettably, I am disinclined to cease this confrontation while you are still in possession of any functioning limbs," and breaks your leg. Eek! Ooh!
Critical Hit Message:
Miss Message(s):
He stops attacking to consult his thesaurus.
He stops to look up another word for "fracture."
He stops to look up another word for "pummel."
Fumble Message:
He says, "I admit it is extremely unlikely that a brute of my muscular tendencies would possess such an engorged vocabulary, but it is no less likely than a member of the family Spheniscidae engaging in organized crime."
Occurs at Old Crimbo Town Toy Factory.
References
- The verbosity of the goon's introduction may be a reference to Guido and/or Nunzio, in Robert Asprin's Myth Adventures book series. It may also refer to Mr. Croup in Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere.
- the phrase: "This is a thick-skulled slab of hired muscle with delusions of eloquence." may be a reference to Sin City.
- The family Spheniscidae refers to penguins.
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