Mer-kin healer
From TheKolWiki
 You're fighting a Mer-kin healerThis Mer-kin is a lowly Level 1 Gamman in some weird Mer-kin religion. Currently he hasn't rid himself of the negative mental energy that would allow him access to the deeper secrets of the religion, but he's currently saving up sand dollars so he can buy the next level of enlightenment.
Still, even at this low level he has some pretty impressive healing and telepathic power, and what little he knows of the deeper mysteries is some pretty freaky stuff.
Hit Message(s):
He recites a healscroll at you, but backwards. Ow! Argh! Eek! Ow! Argh! Argh! Argh! Ow! Ow! Ow!
He smacks you with his tail. As the blow connects, you get a mental flash of something grotesque and indescribably evil lurking beyond the boundaries of our world. Ouch! Ooh! Eek! Ooh! Ugh! Eek! Argh! Ow! Ugh! Oof!
He punches you in the <giblets>. As the blow connects, you get a mental flash of one immense and malevolent eye slowly opening, looking straight into your soul. Eek! Ouch! Oof! Eek! Eek! Ouch! Ugh! Ugh! Argh! Argh!
He garottes you with his prayerbeads. As you gasp, you get a mental flash of squirming tentacles and gnashing fangs. Argh! Ugh! Ooh! Ugh! Eek! Argh! Ouch! Ow! Ouch! Oof!
He unfurls a scroll and reads something in a language so black and terrible that the very sea boils around you. Eek! Oof! Ouch! Ooh! Oof! Oof! Ugh! Ouch! Argh! Oof! (hot damage)
Critical Hit Message:
He places both hands on your temples and grips tight. Images sear your mind: tentacles, fangs, claws, tri-lobed eyes, forked tongues, boiling seas of blood . . . it's terrifying, but would make a great heavy metal album cover.
Miss Message(s):
He tries to smack you with his tail, but isn't enlightened enough to make the blow connect.
He tries to punch you, but can't quite connect. Maybe if he donated a few more sand dollars to the church, they'd give him some combat training.
He stops attacking to pray for guidance.
He pauses to clear his mind of negative energy, and clear his bladder of some urine.
Fumble Message:
He sits on his tail, closes his eyes, and meditates on the deeper mysteries. After a while, his eyes snap open and he says, "I've got it! I need to make a terrible movie based on our cult's founder's novels!"
Special Move:
He chants an incantation in a foul, unrenderable language that would drive you insane were you to fathom the fullness of it. A sickening green light glows around him, and he looks stronger.
He chants something in a guttural, ugly language. His hand glows brightly, and he touches his wounds, healing them instantaneously.
He unfurls a scroll and chants something in an ugly, guttural language composed mainly of apostrophes and consonants. There's a flash of hideous green light, and he looks stronger.
  Meat | You gain 120-180 Meat. (average: 150, stdev: 12.65)* |
Occurs at The Mer-Kin Outpost
References
- The "weird Mer-kin religion" is a play on Scientology. The "terrible movie" is a reference to the 2000 film Battlefield Earth, an adaptation of the novel of the same name by L. Ron Hubbard, Scientology's founder.
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