Mad Hatrack Messages (F-N)

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Messages for Hat O Nine Tails

The Mad Hatrack familiar has different functions depending on what hats it wears.

F

Pimphat.gif
<Name> points at it and makes a tommy-gun noise. Apparently the delusions are pretty powerful, because it takes X damage.
Pimphat.gif
<Name> says "you're the ring-a-ding kid," and drops you a wink.
Ballmask.gif
<Name> grabs <it> and waltzes with <it>, ending with a series of dizzying spins.
Ballmask.gif
<Name> grabs you and does the merengue with you. Sadly, that's the dance, not the pie topping.
Tophat.gif
<Name> dances in front of your opponent, rendering <it> blue and causing <it> to forget where to go to.
Tophat.gif
Dressed up like a million dollar trouper, <Name> doffs his tophat at you jovially.
Headdress.gif
<Name> levels an antique rifle at your foe and shoots her for X damage.
Headdress.gif
<Name> smiles, but also sheds a single tear.
Crimbohat.gif
<Name> hops back and forth from leg to leg, making the bell on his hat go jingle jangle jingle.
Etyfez.gif
<Name> says "you should know that the word 'fez' was coined when someone asked what ridiculous hat the first fez-wearer was wearing, and the fez-wearer sneezed before he could answer," then winks knowingly.
Dreadsack.gif
<Name> says "stop, children, what's that sound?" <He> stops attacking to listen.
Dreadsack.gif
<Name> smiles a blissed-out smile and says, "have a nice day, man."
Fire.gif
<Name> says "Fire! Giver of warmth, destroyer of civilizations... my head is on fire!" and headbutts it for X damage.
Fire.gif
<Name> says "I'm such a hothead, aren't I?" and grins at his joke.
Firemanhat.gif
"FIRE! FIRE!" shouts <Name>, as he throws ice at your opponent, dealing X damage.
Floatyhat.gif
<Name> hums a soothing mantra at you, making you feel like you've been hit by a mantra ray.
HPYou gain some hit points.
MPYou gain some Mana Points.
Foamhat.gif
<Name> says"I fully attend to both master and commander you!" and punches it for %dmg[sic] damage.
Foolscap.gif
<Name> says "Prithee, good sir, how many monks doth it take to change a lightbulb? Wait, what's a lightbulb?" and laughs at his own joke.
Fballhelm.gif
<Name> shouts, "Blue 32! Blue 32!" then runs headlong at him, tackling him for X damage.
Frostyhat.gif
<Name> produces a snowball from somewhere, and giggles as it hurls it at your opponent, dealing X damage.
Funnyhat.gif
<Name> says, "good grief! These strips haven't been funny in years!" and smiles while tipping you a wink.
Fuzzyturtle.gif
<Name> shouts "there was a grassy knoll on the second gunman!" <It> stares blankly at <Name>, nonplussed. Or maybe plussed, you're not sure.
Fuzzyturtle.gif
<Name> dances around, pushing an imaginary lawnmower.
Fuzzybusby.gif
<Name> stands at attention and tries to look stoic, but also can't stop grinning.
Fuzzyearmuffs.gif
<name> wiggles his earmuffs around, tickling himself and grinning.
Fuzzymontera.gif
<Name> smiles and cackles with glee as he hops back and forth, dodging a bull only he can see.

G

Gangerhat.gif
<Name> rolls your opponent for some additional Meat. Who was it trying to get crazy with, anyway?
Gasmask.gif
<Name> shouts "run for your lives! The fishes are trying to gas us!" <It> looks terrified.
Gi hat.gif
<Name> flaps around making ghastly and spooky moans, which climax in a ghast-iron headbutt for X damage.
Gi hat.gif
<Name> does a ghastly and ironic dance, swooping around and making ghostly moans.
Bottlecap.gif
<Name> throws the bottlecap like a giant frisbee, slicing it for X damage.
Bottlecap.gif
<Name> does a wacky little dance, banging on the bottlecap for percussion. He looks a little dizzy afterward, but he looked a little dizzy before, too.
Yellowhat.gif
%%
Yellowhat.gif
<Name> rocks back and forth goofily beneath the yellow hat.
Gingermask.gif
<Name> yells "STICK 'EM UP!" and robs your foe of 15 damage worth of blood.
Gingerhat.gif
<Name> doffs his fancy hat to your foe, and in doing so headbutts it pretty hard.
Gingerhat.gif
<Name> dons a monocle and helps you look for additional Meat.
Goatbeard.gif
<Name> impersonates a mountain goat, singing a little song about headstones climbing hills. <It> is too nonplussed to attack.
Goatbeard.gif
<Name> leaps up like a nimble mountain goat, landing on <it> and doing X damage.
Loathe goggles.gif
<Name> says, "where the hell's your god now!" <it> looks a little freaked out by your hatrack and his crazy googles.
Monster AttackMonster attack power reduced by X
Monster DefenseMonster defense reduced by X
Loathe goggles.gif
<Name> says, "battlefield surgeons decide who lives and who dies. But they kept calling it murder when I did it," and grins a wicked grin.
Goldcrown.gif
<Name> explains the concept of droit de signeur to you. It's informative and relaxing.
Plumehelm.gif
<Name> shouts "I shall defend thy honor, fair windmill!" and jousts <it> for X damage.
Balldeedle.gif
<Name> pokes <it> in the eyes with its googly balls. Man, I can hear you snickering. Cut it out.
Heartdeedle.gif
<Name> pokes <it> in the eyes with its googly hearts, making <it> weep and cry and cry and try to sleep.
Stardeedle.gif
<Name> pokes <it> in the eyes with its googly stars. My God. They're full of stars. And X damage.
Grasshat.gif
<Name> disguises himself as a piece of lawn until he gets close, then pops up and shouts "Boo!" He jumps and looks startled.
Grasshat.gif
<Name> sniffs the hat, says "this is some really quality grass, man," and grins widely.
Ravyboat.gif
"Delicious gravy from the corpses of our enemies!" <Name> shouts, and feeds you some gravy before you realize what's happening.
HPYou gain some hit points.
MPYou gain some Mana Points.
Ww headband.gif
<Name> shouts, "fire in the hole!" and fires a cruise missile at your opponent for X damage. Wow, where did he get that thing?
Ww headband.gif
<Name> says, "I'm the best around, and nothing's ever gonna keep me down," and grins at you.
Clothhat.gif
<Name> says, "Forsooth and anon, I shall off you forthwith!" And shoots it with an arrow for X damage.
Clothhat.gif
<Name> says, "Unlike other Robin Hoods, I can speak with a Goblin accent!" and smiles widely.
Cone.gif
<Name> dances around singing "I like traffic lights, I like traffic lights," over and over, winking crazily.
G2gasmask.gif
<Name> stomps around to some industrial music only he can hear. You think you catch him winking at you under the gasmask, but you can't be sure.
Grimgogg.gif
<Name> pilots an imaginary Sopwith Camel, giving you a smile and a wink as he zooms past.
Bandana.gif
<Name> finds his nest of salt and throws some at <it>, blinding <it>.
Bandana.gif
<Name> sings a song about a black hole sun, whatever that is, and his mouth stretches into a creepy, overwide smile.
Guardshell.gif
<Name> whips off the shell and flings it at <it>, hitting for X damage. Righteous! Righteous!
Guardshell.gif
<Name> bangs on the shell like a bongo drum, and dances an off-kilter jig while he does.

H

Hairpiece.gif
<Name> says, "this oughta turn your green around, buddy!" and headbutts your opponent for X damage.
Hairpiece.gif
<Name> stops, drops, and rolls around in front of your opponent, keeping it from attacking this round.
Dv hanghood.gif
<Name> ties a noose from some nearby rope and strangles your opponent with it, his freaky hood making it a spooky X damage.
Hardslimehat.gif
<Name> breakdances for a bit, the routine ending in a dizzying headspin.
Hazhelmet.gif
%%
Hazhelmet.gif
<Name> staggers around in circles, unable to see clearly through his darkened visor.
Heavycrown.gif
<Name< crownbutts your opponent for X damage.
Heavycrown.gif
<Name> gazes at you benevolently from beneath the heavy crown.
HPYou gain some hit points.
MPYou gain some Mana Points.
Wtbhelmet.gif
<Name> throws his head back and howls a blood-curdling scream, congealing his blood for X damage.
Knighthat.gif
<Name> whinnies, snorts, and charges <it> for X damage. There go you, but for your face.
Knighthat.gif
<Name> shouts, "all I know could be defaced by the facts in the life of me!" and grins loonily.
Turtle.gif
<Name> says "turtle, turtle, turtle, I made you out of clay!" then laughs unsettlingly as he head-butts <it> for X damage.
Minemask.gif
<Name> viciously (and given that he can't see, probably accidentally) headbutts your opponent, dealing X damage.
Porkpiehat.gif
<Name> starts yelling about beeswax as he viciously pummels your opponent, dealing X damage.
Porkpiehat.gif
<Name> paces in circles muttering to itself.
Hollanhelm.gif
<Name> doesn't forget to enjoy the sauce helmet, nor does he forget to headbutt your opponent for X damage.
Honeyhat.gif
<Name> butts his head against your opponent and gets stuck to <it>, preventing <it> from attacking.
Clayhat.gif
<Name> shouts "Hot headed, they said. Hot headed!? I'll show them!" as he shows your opponent X damage worth of hot headbutting.

I

Icepick.gif
<Name> busts some phat disco moves, winking as he electric-slides past you.
Hipglasses.gif
<Name> smiles a strange, crooked smile, looking a little like a homicidal maniac. He winks at you, and you see his pupils have gone square. That's never a good sign.
Madhat.gif
<Name> beams from beneath the tophat. "At last!" he cries, "the hat that I was whittled to wear!" He winks at you and goes back to grinning like a lunatic.
Dv coiffure.gif
<Name> says, "we belong dead. No, wait, just you." and pokes her with a burning torch for X damage.
Dv coiffure.gif
<Name> waltzes with her while singing, "Ahhh, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you." She is too busy dancing to attack this round.
Insultinghat.gif
(Message needed)
Blank.gif
<Name> does something, but you can't tell what it is.
Hat2.gif
<Name> tosses the sombrero over it, making it impossible for it to see you to attack.
Hat2.gif
<Name> says "eso si, que es," and winks at you.
Ironhelmet.gif
<Name> shouts "Fush Yoo Mang!" and headbutts it for X damage.
Ironhelmet.gif
<Name> says, "Adventurer! Do the dance of joy!" and busts a move.
Knitcap.gif
<Name> strikes an ironically glamorous pose, ignoring the fact that he's totally in your opponent's way.
Knitcap.gif
<Name> manages to pull of the feat of looking completely disaffected while smiling.
Toxhat.gif
<Name> giggles as he burps in your foe's face, dealing X damage.

J

Indeterminate
Wizhat.gif
<Name> shouts "I can see an elf! An elf with gray eyes!" as he begins casting Magic Missiles in random directions. Some of them hit your opponent, dealing X damage.
Wizhat.gif
<Name> shouts "YOU SHALL NOT PASS! GO! YOU SHALL NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED MEAT!" then giggles maniacally and drops you a wink.

K

Derby.gif
<Name> rears back and kicks him like a thoroughbred racehorse, dealing X damage. Thank goodness <Name> didn't do anything else like a racehorse.
Elitehelm.gif
<Name> dances around in a circle, singing "O-WEE-OH, EEEYOOOOAAH" at the top of his lungs. In other news, hatracks have lungs.
Veil.gif
<Name> does a bewitching belly dance. <He> looks simultaneously confused and enticed.
Veil.gif
<Name> does the dance of the seven veils (minus 6), then drops you a saucy wink.
Visor.gif
<Name> tells him that he's going to audit his finances, and makes him wait while he makes sure everything adds up.
Visor.gif
<Name> says "wow, this is certainly a super visor!" and giggles. Man, he must be crazy to laugh at a pun that lame.
Knobturtle.gif
<He> tries to give <Name> a noogie, and seriously hurt themselves on his hat.
Knobturtle.gif
<Name> rhythmically scrapes the knobs on the turtle and dances to the percussive beat he makes
3dglasses.gif
<Name> does a dance in eye-popping 3-D! Then he winks at you, after he pops his eye back in.

L

Lavaclava.gif
<Name> winks at you, and a little puff of smoke emerges from the balaclava as one of his eyelashes gets burned off.
Aviatorcap.gif
<Name> runs around in circles making Vrooooooooom, rat-tat-tat-tat-tat noises, and somehow manages to deal X damage in the process.
Lmask.gif
<Name> says, "lick my boots, worm!" and smacks him with a riding crop for X damage.
Lmask.gif
<Name> produces a set of restraints and locks them onto him. It's a little creepy.
Lemonhat.gif
<Name> says, "it's a pants party, and you're invited!" Your opponent is too busy declining the invitation to attack this round.
Lemonhat.gif
<Name> says, "I do love a good party!" and smiles beatifically.
Hate lens.gif
<Name> says, "I hate you. You and your stupid butt face!" He looks a little demoralized by the insult.
Monster AttackMonster attack power reduced by X
Monster DefenseMonster defense reduced by X
Hate lens.gif
<Name> says, "My hatred for you burns as bright, sir, as this torch!" produces a lit torch, and sears him for X damage.
Vio lens.gif
<Name> shouts, "are you ready for a little bit of the ol' ultraviolence?" It looks decidedly unready, and even less ready than it was before.
Monster AttackMonster attack power reduced by X
Monster DefenseMonster defense reduced by X
Vio lens.gif
<Name> does something so incredibly violent that I can't even tell you what it was, only that it did X damage and is illegal in most of the Kingdom.
Lihcface.gif
<Name> waves his arms and moans. It shudders and looks weaker.
Lihcface.gif
<Name> waves his arms and moans spookily, chasing him and scaring him for X damage.
Turtle.gif
<Name> peels off the top layer of linoleum and lets her get a whiff of the glue that holds it on. She recoils and takes a stinky x damage.
Turtle.gif
<Name> flips upside down and does a headspin on the linoleum helmet. He must have been confused about where the floor was.
Hippywig.gif
As your opponent charges, <Name> steps forward and shouts "Casey Jones, you better watch your speed!" It stops in its tracks.
Hippywig.gif
<Name> says "dude, your chakras are, like, so misaligned," and re-aligns them for you.
HPYou gain some hit points.
MPYou gain some Mana Points.
Lynyrdhat.gif
<Name> says, "a Southern man don't need you around anyhow!" It is too intimidated to attack this round.
Lynyrdhat.gif
<Name> says, "I feel as free as a bird in this hat. Probably because I'm not wearing any pants!" and grins like a lunatic.

M

Mahifez.gif
<Name> offers it a glass sculpture full of sweet smoke, then gets it drunk and plays poker with it. It's too busy enjoying the hospitality to attack.
Mahifez.gif
<Name> cranks some interesting lounge music, toasts you, and winks lustily. He clearly groks you in fullness.
Maidwig.gif
<Name> steps in front of you and curtsies coquettishly. <He> starts flirting with him rather than attacking.
Turban.gif
<Name> produces a lasso from somewhere and wraps it around him. "Look, I'm a turban cowboy!" he says.
Turban.gif
<Name> winks at you and says "would you like a Squishee? Stereotypes are funny!"
Yakmask.gif
<Name> yells something incomprehensible at your opponent and charges, dealing 5 with his rhinoc-- I mean, yak horns.
Hat2.gif
<Name> dances in circles around your opponent, then smacks it for X damage. Olé!
Sphat1.gif
<Name> winks at you and says, "Chugga-chugga chugga-chugga chugga-chugga chugga-chugga choo-choo!"
Sphat2.gif
<Name> winks at you and says, "Chugga-chugga chugga-chugga chugga-chugga chugga-chugga choo-choo!"
Sphat3.gif
<Name> winks at you and says, "Chugga-chugga chugga-chugga chugga-chugga chugga-chugga choo-choo!"
Sphat4.gif
<Name> winks at you and says, "Chugga-chugga chugga-chugga chugga-chugga chugga-chugga choo-choo!"
Sphat5.gif
<Name> winks at you and says, "Chugga-chugga chugga-chugga chugga-chugga chugga-chugga choo-choo!"
Mg hat.gif
<Name> sneaks up behind your opponent and shouts, "BOO!", scaring him for X damage.
Mg hat.gif
<Name> floats around, convinced he's a spooooky ghooooost. He's not, but he does block your opponent from attacking.
Cowboy.gif
<Name> shouts "yee-haw! Reckon I'm'a have to hog-tie you!" and wraps a rope around <it>, restraining <it> a little.
Cowboy.gif
<Name> says "I wish I knew how to quit you," and winks at you.
Meatloaf.gif
<Name> gives her a big lingering hug, whispering "it's okay, you can cry." She cries a little, then looks embarrassed.
Meatloaf.gif
<Name> sings a long, bombastic song about the things he wouldn't do for love, while playing some wicked air guitar.
Turtle.gif
<Name> headbutts <it> for a meaty X damage. It's a little messy.
Turtle.gif
<Name> does a little shell-spinning breakdancing. Go hatrack, go hatrack, go!
Bunwig.gif
<Name> smiles warmly and affixes a gold star sticker to your cheek.
Facecowl.gif
<Name> speaks in an ancient forbidden tongue. Your foes goes temporarily insane, suffering X damage.
Gladmask.gif
<Name> Lampshade roars like a lion and kicks dirt in your foe's like a lamb.
Monster AttackMonster attack power reduced by X
Monster DefenseMonster defense reduced by X
Headguard.gif
<Name> howls like a madman (appropriately enough) and repeatedly headbutts your foe, dealing X damage.
Scholarmask.gif
<Name> whispers even crazier secrets than usual to your foe. It blanches, chilled for X damage.
Sneakmask.gif
<Name> sneaks up behind it and delivers a series of painful kicks to its shin.
Sneakmask.gif
<Name> does a strange, furtive, shuffling dance.
Meshcap.gif
<Name> shouts, "who says Nas'Kar ain't a real sport?" and punches them for X damage.
Meshcap.gif
<Name> says, "I don't care who you are, that's funny right thar," and gives a cornpone grin.
Catears.gif
<Name> slashes it with a clawlike foot, dealing X damage and inflicting X painful splinters.
Metalm hat.gif
<Name> grins and cheers and tosses his graduation cap into the air.
Mimeberet.gif
<Name> tries to mime something, but just ends up doing a kind of weird flaily dance.
Minerhat.gif
<Name> mines for a couple of fish, then does the fish-slapping dance with them.
Minerhat.gif
<Name> shines the light on his helmet at him, blinding him. He looks dazed and confused.
Indeterminate
Mohawk.gif
You rest while <Name> explains to you how the punk music you like isn't real punk.
Mohawk.gif
<name> steps in front of <it> and shouts "Oi! Oi! Oi!" <It> is too startled to attack this round.
Moonthcirclet.gif
<Name> says, "You have my bow," and bows deeply, smiling at his pun which only works in written speech, not spoken.
Sailorhat.gif
<Name> wreathes your opponent in rotting seaweed, dealing X damage.
Antlers2.gif
<Name> bellows like a bull moose and charges it, antlering it for X damage.
Antlers2.gif
<Name> says, "you know, I'm a particularly naughty moose," and winks at you.
Pirhat.gif
<Name> does a rousing little pirate jig.
Mullet.gif
<Name> steps in front of him and engages him in a rowdy argument about whether or not KWE wrestling is fake.
Mullet.gif
<Name> teaches you how to line dance. Your heart feels less achy and breaky when he's done.
HPYou gain some hit points.
MPYou gain some Mana Points.
Wrapping.gif
<Name> marches around the area very, very slowly.
Mummymask.gif
<Name> wraps up him in some of the bandages from his mask. Bandages, bandages, bandages.
Mummymask.gif
<Name> walks like an Egyptian.
Murderbotmask.gif
<Name> screams "BEEP BOOP BEEP BOOP" as he repeatedly punches your foe, dealing X damage.

N

Ratmask.gif
<Name> scampers in front of <her>. <She> climbs up on a chair and shrieks, terrified.
Ratmask.gif
<Name> bites her with his nasty rat teeth, doing X nasty damage.
Rubbercap.gif
<Name> says, "I think this is all going swimmingly!" and makes splashing motions at him, which somehow does X damage.
Rubbercap.gif
<Name> does a little synchronized swimming routine, unfazed by the lack of water (or a partner with whom to synchronize)
Nohat.gif
<Name> interrupts your foe to ask her if she likes his hat.
Nohat.gif
<Name> beams, proud of his lack of hat. (+X Stats)
Hobofedora.gif
<Name> tilts the brim of its fedora and gives you a sly wink.
Hobofedora.gif
"All right, hold it right there, wiseguy!" <Name> snarls. Your opponent doesn't exactly hold it, but they do look surprised and distracted by this.
Monster AttackMonster attack power reduced by x
Monster DefenseMonster defense reduced by y
Vikinghat.gif
<Name> bellows a loud, nonsensical snatch of opera as he impales your foe for X damage.
Nursehat.gif
<Name> pulls out a syringe and giggles as he injects your opponent full of X damage worth of pain.

References

Mad Hatrack Hat Messages
A-E F-N O-Z