Legendary Epic Weapon Quest

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Description

The Legendary Epic Weapon Quest is the first stage of the Nemesis quest and allows you to acquire the Legendary Epic Weapon of your class. This quest is given to you when your base mainstat reaches 12 by the character at the Guild Hall who is the same class as you:

Tasks

Class Starting Item Equals.gif Epic Weapon Hammer.gif Beelzebozo Reward Equals.gif Legendary Epic Weapon
Class1.gif Club.gif
seal-clubbing club
  Sealbane.gif
Bjorn's Hammer
  Ep blood.gif
distilled seal blood
  Sealbane.gif
Hammer of Smiting
Class2.gif Totem.gif
turtle totem
Turtlemace.gif
Mace of the Tortoise
Ep chain.gif
turtle chain
Turtlestar.gif
Chelonian Morningstar
Class3.gif Pastaspoon.gif
pasta spoon
Perilpasta.gif
Pasta Spoon of Peril
Ep oil.gif
high-octane olive oil
Perilpasta.gif
Greek Pasta Spoon of Peril
Class4.gif Saucepan.gif
saucepan
5alarm.gif
5-Alarm Saucepan
Ep corns.gif
Peppercorns of Power
5alarm.gif
17-alarm Saucepan
Class5.gif Discoball.gif
disco ball
Discobanjo.gif
Disco Banjo
Ep mojo.gif
vial of mojo
Discobanjo.gif
Shagadelic Disco Banjo
Class6.gif Accordion.gif
stolen accordion
Legend.gif
Rock and Roll Legend
Ep reeds.gif
golden reeds
Legend.gif
Squeezebox of the Ages

After acquiring your weapon, the Me and My Nemesis quest line continues with A Dark and Dank and Sinister Quest.

Text

Seal Clubber and Turtle Tamer

  • Initial visit (without the Epic Weapon):

"<name>! I have grave news! An incredibly dangerous artifact, guarded by our guild for generations, has been stolen by your Nemesis! You must recover it from him/her before he/she discovers how to use it, or great catastrophe will surely ensue!"

"Wait, what? Since when do I have a Nemesis?" you ask.

"Well, we took a vote, and you weren't here, so he/she's your Nemesis. You should come to meetings more often. Anyway, this is not the time for such argument. Your Nemesis is rumored to lair within the Big Mountains, but I fear you have not the required mettle to defeat him/her. You must recover and master the Legendary Epic Weapon of the [Seal Clubber/Turtle Tamer] before you have any hope of victory. It will be a long and arduous task -- are you prepared?"

"No."

"Too bad. The first step will be to smith for yourself an Epic Weapon. You must seek out the two oldest and wisest men in the kingdom -- one will provide you with the first part of the weapon, and also, if you approach him on the correct day, the good fortune necessary to win the second part from the other, who runs the casino. One of his myriad games of chance will provide what you seek, with luck. The third part of the Epic Weapon is up to you to locate.

"The town's meatsmith will provide you with the knowledge required to construct the Epic Weapon; I will grant you the Meat necessary to purchase the proper tool. Once you have completed the weapon, return to me."

Meat.gifYou gain 1,000 Meat.
  • Subsequent visits:

"Have you not completed your Epic Weapon yet? There is no time to waste, <name>!"

  • After smithing the Epic Weapon:

"Ah, you have completed your Epic Weapon! Well done, <name>!

Your next task will be to unlock the full power of the Legendary Epic Weapon. To do this, you must travel to the Nearby Plains, to that place of horrors known only as The "Fun" House, and slay the Clownlord Beelzebozo. Only he possesses the materials you will need to complete your weapon. Return to me after you have done this. Remember, time is of the essence!"

  • Initial visit (with Epic Weapon already crafted):

"<name>! I have grave news! An incredibly dangerous artifact, guarded by our guild for generations, has been stolen by your Nemesis! You must recover it from him/her before he/she discovers how to use it, or great catastrophe will surely ensue!"

"Wait, what? Since when do I have a Nemesis?" you ask.

"Well, we took a vote, and you weren't here, so he/she's your Nemesis. You should come to meetings more often. Anyway, this is not the time for such argument. Your Nemesis is rumored to lair within the Big Mountains, but I fear you have not the required mettle to defeat him/her. You must recover and master the Legendary Epic Weapon of the [Seal Clubber/Turtle Tamer] before you have any hope of victory. It will be a long and arduous task -- are you prepared?"

"No."

"Too bad. The first step will be to smith for yourself an Epic Weapon. You must seek out the..."

"Do you mean like this Epic Weapon here?" you ask, holding it up.

"I say, that was quick. Well, well done, <name>! Here, I'll reimburse you for the smithing costs. Your next task will be to unlock the full power of the Legendary Epic Weapon. To do this, you must travel to the Nearby Plains, to that place of horrors known only as The "Fun" House, and slay the Clownlord Beelzebozo. Only he possesses the materials you will need to complete your weapon. Return to me after you have done this. Remember, time is of the essence!"

Meat.gifYou gain 1,000 Meat.
  • Subsequent visits:

"How goes your quest to restore the Legendary Epic Weapon, <name>? Remember, you must retreive the stolen artifact soon -- the fate of the world is at stake!"

  • After smithing the Legendary Epic Weapon (with mainstat less than 23):

"You've recovered the Legendary Epic Weapon! Well done, <name>! Now all that remains is to defeat your Nemesis and recover our artifact. Unfortunately, it seems that the fiend has hidden himself/herself well. I have some people searching for him/her now; return in a little while, and I should be able to give you his/her location."

  • Upon returning:

"You're back! Good, not a moment too soon. We've finally managed to pinpoint the location of your Nemesis' hideout -- it's a cave in the Big Mountains. Here, I'll mark it on your map. We need the stolen artifact back as soon as possible, but be careful -- the place is undoubtedly filled with guards and traps."

  • After smithing the Legendary Epic Weapon (with mainstat 23 or more):

"You've recovered the Legendary Epic Weapon! Well done, <name>! Now all that remains is to defeat your Nemesis and recover our artifact. The fiend has hidden himself/herself well, but our scouts have managed to pinpoint his/her location -- a cave in the Big Mountains. Here, I'll mark it on your map. We need the stolen artifact back as soon as possible, but be careful -- the place is undoubtedly filled with guards and traps."

  • Subsequent visits:

"Have you defeated your Nemesis yet? No? ...Have I mentioned how vitally important it is that you do so and reclaim our stolen artifact? I'm pretty sure I mentioned that."

  • After smithing the Legendary Epic Weapon without first visiting your Guild:

"You've done it! The ancient <weapon> has been renewed! You were even able to repair it without being told the method! Here, allow me to reimburse you for the cost of the Meatsmithing hammer. <name>, it is clear that you are destined for great... er, destiny. Take the Legendary Epic Weapon with you, and train hard in its use. Once you have become a bit stronger, and we have located where your Nemesis has gone to ground, your true quest will begin."

Meat.gifYou gain 1,000 Meat.
  • Upon returning:

"Good -- you're back, and just in time! Our scouts have pinpointed the location of your Nemesises... Nemesees's... the hideout of your Nemesis. It's a cave in the Big Mountains; I will mark it on your map for you. It is essential that you recover the stolen artifact as soon as possible, but be wary -- the place is undoubtely[sic] filled with malicious traps and evil guards."

"Okay," you say, "but if it's that dangerous, how about sending some backup along with me?"

"Ah, well, yes, that would be wise, but all the other members of the Brotherhood have their own quests at the moment. I myself have a pressing mission to... wash those windows. Grod's Beard, look how filthy they've become!"

"...Right."

"Besides, this is between you and your Nemesis. That's a one-on-one struggle, no getting around it. That's one of the Rules."

"There is no time to waste, <name>! You must defeat your Nemesis, and soon!"

  • For Seal Clubbers:
"Hmm. The fiend has sealed the cave entrance with some sort of diabolical riddle, you say?"
"Well," you reply, "actually the carvings look pretty old, so I don't think..."
"Yes, an angry-looking man pouring something out of a bucket? Let me think. Hmmm..." Veins bulge on Grignr's forehead as he squeezes his eyes together in thought for a moment, and then his face turns red and he raises his fists in the air. "...No. No! I can't solve it! ARRGH I HATE PUZZLES! THESE DIABOLICAL MACHINATIONS! THEY MAKE ME FURIOUS!"
"Wow, jeez, calm down!" you say. "Take a breath. It's all right, I'll figure it out myself. Never mind."
  • For Turtle Tamers:

"You're back! Have you defeated your Nemesis yet?"

"No," you reply, "but I'm getting closer. Do you know anything about mushrooms?"

"I know they die pretty quickly if you jump up and down on them."

"Okay, that's... probably not helpful to me, but thanks."

  • After clearing the rubble, but before defeating your Nemesis:

"How goes the fight, <name>?"

"I'm either getting ready for it now, or tried and got beaten up," you reply.

"Well, we're all rooting for you. I know you can do it! Hopefully, you can do it quickly."

  • After defeating your Nemesis:
  • For Seal Clubbers:
"You've returned!" Grignr exclaims. "Does this mean you defeated your Nemesis and retrieved the stolen artifact?"
"I did!" you say, proudly displaying the Scalp of Gorgolok.
"Well done! Where is it?"
"...Um," you say, and display the Scalp of Gorgolok again.
Grignr blinks at you. "Is this all he had? It looks like a good hat, but it's not what I was hoping for." He sighs.
"That was it," you say. "What now?"
"I must send the scouts back on patrol. Perhaps now that he's tasted defeat, Gorgolok will return to where he's hidden our artifact. Good work, Baltar. Return to me after a time, and I will let you know what I can find out."
  • For Turtle Tamers:
  • Subsequent visits:

"Sorry, we haven't found your Nemesis yet. We'll contact you when we find something out."

Pastamancer and Sauceror

  • Initial visit (without the Epic Weapon):

"Ah, <name>! It is good that you are here, for a dire situation is at hand -- evil is afoot!"

"Well, which is it?" you ask. "A hand, or a foot?"

"Yes yes, you're very witty. Don't interrupt me, child, this is important. Our guild has been tasked with the safekeeping of an ancient artifact of terrible power. We have protected it for hundreds of years, but now the unthinkable has happened, and it has been stolen right from under our nose!"

"From under your nose? I guess you should have kept a closer eye on it. Get it? Nose, eye, hand..."

"Shut up. It is vital that you take this seriously, for the thief is none other than your Nemesis!"

You blink. "...I have a Nemesis?"

"You do now. See what happens when you spend all of your time cracking jokes? Unfortunately, you do not possess the power needed to defeat him at this time. It will be necessary for you to reconstruct the Legendary Epic Weapon of the Sauceror, which was separated into two parts -- an Epic Weapon, which is kept in the Tomb of the Unknown Sauceror, and a second component that imbues it with Legendary power."

"And where's this second component?"

"Regrettably, that has also been stolen. We'll attend to that matter later -- first, you must seek out the Tomb, which is within the Misspelled Cemetery, in the Nearby Plains. There are certain... trials within, which you must pass to acquire the Epic Weapon. Return here when you have done so."

"Okay," you say, "but you seem awfully certain that I'll pass these trials."

"Let's just say that I am assuming you will, because the alternative is too horrible to contemplate," he replies grimly.

  • Subsequent visits:

"I note that you have not yet claimed the Epic Weapon. Do not dawdle in this task, <name>, for time is of the essence."

  • After smithing the Epic Weapon:

"I see you have smithed your Epic Weapon. Good, good.

However, the next step will be much more diffcult. Once you're ready, proceed to The "Fun" House in the Nearby Plains and seek out The Clownlord Beelzebozo, the Clown Prince of Darkness. You must destroy him to acquire the final piece of the Legendary Epic Weapon. Once it is completed, return to me. Make haste, <name>!"

  • Initial visit (with Epic Weapon already crafted):

"Ah, <name>! It is good that you are here, for a dire situation is at hand -- evil is afoot!"

"Well, which is it?" you ask. "A hand, or a foot?"

"Yes yes, very witty. Don't interrupt, this is important. Our guild has been tasked with the safekeeping of an ancient artifact of terrible power. We have protected it for hundreds of years, but now the unthinkable has happened, and it has been stolen right from under our nose!"

"From under your nose? I guess you should have kept a closer eye on it. Get it? Nose, eye, hand..."

"Shut up. It is vital that you take this seriously, for the thief is none other than your Nemesis!"

"...I have a Nemesis?"

"You do now. See what happens when you spend all of your time cracking jokes? Unfortunately, you do not possess the power needed to defeat him at this time. It will be necessary for you to reconstruct the Legendary Epic Weapon of the [Sauceror/Pastamancer], and the first step is to smith an Epic Weapon for yourself."

"You mean like this one?" you ask, holding it up.

"Well now, that's unexpectedly expedient of you. Here, I'll reimburse you for the smithing costs. However, the next step will be much more difficult. Once you're ready, proceed to The "Fun" House in the Nearby Plains and seek out The Clownlord Beelzebozo, the Clown Prince of Darkness. You must destroy him to acquire the final piece of the Legendary Epic Weapon. When it is completed, return to me. Make haste, <name>!"

Meat.gifYou gain 1,000 Meat.
  • Subsequent visits:

"I don't wish to cause undue stress, <name>, but it is important that you acquire the Legendary Epic Weapon soon. The artifact your Nemesis stole from us must be retreived, or the results could be disastrous."

  • After smithing the Legendary Epic Weapon without first visiting your Guild after defeating Beelzebozo:

"Is that... it is! You've returned the <weapon> to its former glory! You didn't even require instructions as to how to reassemble it! Here, allow me to recompense you for the Meatsmithing hammer. I must say, <name>, this is very encouraging. Perhaps we needn't fear your Nemesis quite so much after all. Of course, it would be foolish to underestimate it. I recommend you spend some time working with the Legendary Epic Weapon, while we attempt to locate the fiend. Once we've found it, I will have more instructions for you."

Meat.gifYou gain 1,000 Meat.
  • After smithing the Legendary Epic Weapon (with mainstat less than 23):

"Ah, I see you have completed the Legendary Epic Weapon. Nicely done. As soon as we have located your Nemesis's lair, you'll be ready to retrieve the stolen artifact. Come back in a while, and I should be able to provide that information."

  • Upon returning:

"Ah, you've returned. Your timing is fortuitous, as I've just received word from our scryers as to the location of your Nemesis' lair -- a cave located in the Big Mountains. Here, I will mark its location on your map. Use caution, for the place is undoubtedly riddled with various guards and sundry traps, or perhaps vice-versa."

"Okay," you say, "but wouldn't it be more expedient to send someone with me?"

"Yes, undoubtedly, but unfortunately, we can spare no one at the moment. We all have our tasks, you know. I myself am working on... um... well, it's all very technical, and would take too long to explain."

"...Right."

"In any case, one must not interfere with a battle between a hero and their Nemesis. It's a very important point of destiny or what-have-you."

  • After smithing the Legendary Epic Weapon (with mainstat 23 or more):

"Ah, I see you have completed the Legendary Epic Weapon. Nicely done, and not a moment too soon, as I've just received word of where your Nemesis' lair is located -- a cave hidden in the Big Mountains. I'll note its location on your map for you. Use your utmost caution, for it is certain that traps and guards will abound. However, time is of the essence -- we need that artifact back before the unspeakable happens!"

"Your mission to defeat your Nemesis is of the utmost urgency, <name>. Please do not delay."

  • For Pastamancers:
  • For Saucerors:
You describe the cave door to Edam, who taps his chin thoughtfully.
"...Nope," he says. "Doesn't ring any bells. Three long wavy lines, and then a depression?" He shrugs. "Considering the situation, it's probably sauce-related, but I can't recall seeing a diagram like that in any of our books."
"Hmm," you... vocalize.
"I'm sure you'll figure it out," Edam says. "It's probably pretty straightforward. Just don't over-think it."

"Ah, you've returned. Were you able to defeat your Nemesis?"

"I'm still working on it," you reply. "Do you know anything about mushrooms?"

"Certainly. They're delicious, and used in all manner of recipes. Don't eat the spotted ones, though. Or the ones with a white apron under the cap."

"Okay, well... not really what I was looking for, but thanks."

  • After clearing the rubble, but before defeating your Nemesis:

"How is the fight with your Nemesis proceeding, <name>?"

"I'm either getting ready for it now, or tried and got beaten up," you reply.

"We all have faith in you; I'm sure you'll do just fine," he says, and then taps his wristwatch meaningfully.

  • After defeating your Nemesis:
  • For Pastamancers:
  • For Saucerors:
"Ah, you've returned," Edam says. "I presume this means you've overcome your Nemesis and recovered the stolen artifact?"
"I did!" you say, proudly displaying the Ancient Saucehelm.
"Marvelous work! Where is it?"
"...Um," you say, and display the Ancient Saucehelm again.
Edam sighs. "Yes, the Ancient Saucehelm is an important and valuable artifact, and it's good that you've retrieved it -- you may keep it, as I'm sure you will find it helpful -- but it is not the specific item I was hoping for."
"Evidently," you say. "So now what?"
"I will put our scryers to work again. Presumably the Sauceblob will return to its actual lair. Return to me after a while, and I will let you know if I receive word."
  • Subsequent visits:

"We have not located your Nemesis as yet. Rest assured that, when we do, you will be alerted immediately."

Disco Bandit and Accordion Thief

  • Initial visit (without the Epic Weapon):

"Oh, hey, <name>, just in time. Listen, something major's just gone down, and we've got a real important job for you. Here's the skinny: The Department's in charge of hiding this artifact, see? This crazy dangerous thing that we've been keeping under wraps for hundreds of years. Well, damned if someone hasn't managed to steal it from us, and it turns out it's your Nemesis that did it, and we need you to get it back before the whole world goes ker-flooey. And this is serious, I'm not just jerkin' your chain here."

"Woah, hang on," you say. "Since when do I have a Nemesis?"

"Everyone else called 'not it'. Sorry pal, them's the breaks. Problem is, though, you're not nearly moxious enough to beat him yet. You're gonna need to get the Legendary Epic Weapon of the [Disco Bandit/Accordion Thief] first, and frankly, that's gonna take some doing. So, here's the plan: first, you need to make yourself an Epic Weapon. There's three parts you'll need to find, and you'll have to meatsmith them together yourself -- the meatsmith in Market Square can sell you the gear for that, and I'll pitch in for the cost.

"The first two parts, you can get from these two old guys -- people say they're the two oldest and wisest guys in the kingdom, but I dunno... well, one of 'em owns the casino, so I guess that's pretty wise. The part you need is a prize in one of his games, but I can't tell ya which one, and you'll need to be lucky to win. Real lucky. Now the other guy, if you get him on the right day, he'll be able to help you out with that, and he has the second part you need, too."

"And the third part?"

"You're on your own there, buddy. Sorry. When you get the Epic Weapon built, though, come back here and I'll fill you in on the rest of the plan."

Meat.gifYou gain 1,000 Meat.
  • Subsequent visits:

"Hey, what's with the delay on that Epic Weapon? Quit slacking, slacker. This is important!"

  • After smithing the Epic Weapon:

"You've got the Epic Weapon? Nice one!

Okay, here's the next bit, but I'll warn ya, this isn't gonna be a walk in the park. See, you need one more thing to turn that weapon into the Legendary Epic Weapon of the [Disco Bandit/Accordion Thief], and to get it, you're gonna have to infiltrate The "Fun" House in the Nearby Plains and fight the Clownlord Beelzebozo, and lemme tell ya buddy, he's a real piece of work. But anyway, if you manage to complete the Legendary Epic Weapon, come back and let me know post-haste."

  • Initial visit (with Epic Weapon already crafted):

"Oh, hey, <name>, just in time. Listen, something major's just gone down, and we've got a real important job for you. Here's the skinny: The Department's in charge of hiding this artifact, see? This crazy dangerous thing that we've been keeping under wraps for hundreds of years. Well, damned if someone hasn't managed to steal it from us, and it turns out it's your Nemesis that did it, and we need you to get it back before the whole world goes ker-flooey. And this is serious, I'm not just jerkin' your chain here."

"Woah, hang on," you say. "Since when do I have a Nemesis?"

"Everyone else called 'not it'. Sorry pal, them's the breaks. Problem is, though, you're not nearly moxious enough to beat him yet. You're gonna need to get the Legendary Epic Weapon of the [Disco Bandit/Accordion Thief] first, and frankly, that's gonna take some doing. So, here's the plan: first, you need to make yourself an Epic Weapon. There's three parts you'll need to find, and you'll have to meatsmith them together yourself -- the meatsmith in Market Square can sell you the gear for that, and I'll pitch in for the cost."

"I've already made an Epic Weapon," you say, holding it up. "It wasn't cheap though, so I'll gladly accept your offer of reimbursement."

"Yep, that's it, all right. Nice one! Okay, here's the next bit, but I'll warn ya, this isn't gonna be a walk in the park. See, you need one more thing to turn that weapon into the Legendary Epic Weapon of the [Disco Bandit/Accordion Thief], and to get it, you're gonna have to infiltrate The "Fun" House in the Nearby Plains and fight the Clownlord Beelzebozo, and lemme tell ya buddy, he's a real piece of work. But anyway, if you manage to complete the Legendary Epic Weapon, come back and let me know post-haste."

Meat.gifYou gain 1,000 Meat.
  • Subsequent visits:

"Hey, <name>. How's it going with that Legendary Epic Weapon? 'Cause, y'know, no pressure or anything, but it's pretty important that we get that artifact back on the double."

  • After smithing the Legendary Epic Weapon (with mainstat less than 23):

"Hey, you got it! Nice! Now you're ready to bring the smackdown on that Nemesis of yours. Err, once we figure out out where he's hiding, that is. Don't worry, I got a couple guys on that. Come back in a few, and I'll give ya the lowdown."

  • Upon returning:

"Hey, great, just in time. I just got a report from our scouts on where your Nemesis is holed up. There's a cave in the Big Mountains... here, I'll just mark it on your map. Now listen, make sure to keep your eyes peeled, right, because the place is bound to be filled with guards and booby-traps. So be careful, but be quick. We need you in and out and back with that artifact, like yesterday. Comprende?"

  • After smithing the Legendary Epic Weapon (with mainstat 23 or more):

"Hey, you got it! Nice! Now you're ready to bring the smackdown on that Nemesis of yours. I just got a report from our scouts on where he's holed up. There's a cave in the Big Mountains... here, I'll just mark it on your map. Now listen, make sure to keep your eyes peeled, right, because the place is bound to be filled with guards and booby-traps. So be careful, but be quick. We need you in and out and back with that artifact, like yesterday. Comprende?

  • Subsequent visits:

"Haven't beat your Nemesis yet, eh? Look bud, I don't mean to get on your case, but we really don't have a lot of time to be messing around, you know?"

"C'mon <name>, don't be hanging around here with your thumb up it when you've got a Nemesis to deal with!"

"Hey, you're back. How's it going with that Nemesis deal?"

"It's going," you reply. "Listen -- you know anything about mushrooms?"

"Why, you want some? I can get you some, I know a guy. Just between you and me, you understand."

"No, I... look, never mind."

"Hey, <name>! How's the dust-up with your Nemesis going?"

"I'm either getting ready for it now, or tried and got beaten up," you reply.

"Hey, no worries, I know you got what it takes. Just shake a leg, okay?"

"Hey, <name>! You're back!" Stradella says. "So you must've stuck it to that Nemesis of yours and got back our stolen artifact, right?"

"I did!" you say, proudly displaying El Sombrero De Lopez.

"Nice one, buddy! So where is it?"

"...Um," you say, and display the El Sombrero De Lopez again.

"Huh," Stradella says. "Okay, well, yeah -- that's a pretty good sombrero you've got there, sure. But it ain't exactly what I was looking for, right?"

"Yeah, I noticed. So, now what?"

"Guess I send the guys out hunting again. I figure this Lopez guy probably went back to his safehouse to lay low after the beating you gave him, so maybe we can track him there. Come back in a couple of whiles, and I'll let ya know."

  • Thereafter:

"Yeah, we haven't found your Nemesis yet. You'll be the first to know, all right?"