La Persona Inocente Cadáver
From TheKolWiki
 You're fighting La Persona Inocente CadáverThis is the legendary spirit known as La Persona Inocente Cadáver (Literally, the "Corpse Innocent Bystander"). The legend has it that on the day he died, he was enjoying a peaceful day kayaking down the river in Whitey's Grove, knocking back beers and taking in the scenery. Suddenly, out of nowhere a naked woman jumped into the river, capsizing his boat. He was unable to make it to the shore (probably because he was swimming with a six-pack of beer under one arm) and drowned.
I guess the moral of a legend like that is to make the most of every day, because you never know when a naked woman's going to turn your life upside down. Or, um, something like that.
Hit Message(s):
He bounces a full can of beer off your <forehead>. Eek! Ouch! Argh! Ugh! Ooh! Oof!
He hits you with his kayak paddle. You feel like an aquamarine frat boy. Ooh! Eek! Eek!
He flies straight through you. You get a brief sensation of drowning, and a lingering sensation of being violated. Ooh! Ow! Ugh! (spooky damage)
Critical Hit Message:
He twirls his kayak paddle like a quarterstaff, parries and thrusts with it like one would with a quarterstaff, and smacks the crap out of you with it. It's a lot like being hit with a quarterstaff, oddly enough. Argh! Oof! Ugh! Argh! Ouch! Ooh!
Miss Message(s):
He tries to hit you with his kayak paddle, but you dodge the paddlin'.
He chucks a can of beer at you, but you dodge.
He tries to fly through you, but you duck and cover.
Fumble Message:
He is suddenly seized with the desire to re-enact the circumstances of his grisly death. That means that he stares upwards with an expression that quickly changes from confusion to joy to horror.
Occurs at random locations during the El Dia de Los Muertos Borrachos.
Notes
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