|The internet is|
not just for porn anymore!
Now it's memes and fights.
Does a wide variety of dumb and occasionally useful things, just like the actual internet.
Ability: Increases Item Drops like a Fairy, drops BACON, and does other things based on its modifier.
Throne/Bjorn: +10 to Monster Level, occasionally deals damage.
Hatchling: disconnected intergnat
Familiar-Specific Equipment: high-speed upgrade
- Regular messages (against an opponent NAMED NEIL):
- <name> says, "As Neal Stephenson once said, 'The difference between stupid and intelligent people -- and this is true whether or not they are well-educated -- is that intelligent people can handle subtlety,'" and beats your opponent with outrageous subtlety for 1 damage.
- <name> says, "As Neil Armstrong once said, 'Research is creating new knowledge,'" and beats the enemy with outrageous knowledge for X damage.
- <name> says, "As Neil Cassady once said, 'Sometimes I sits and thinks. Other times I sits and drinks, but mostly I just sits,'" and beats your opponent with outrageous beatings for X damage.
- <name> says, "As Neil Degrasse Tyson once said, 'If your ego starts out, "I am important, I am big, I am special," you're in for some disappointments when you look around at what we've discovered about the universe!'" and beats the enemy with outrageous perspective for X damage.
- <name> says, "As Neil Diamond once said, 'When you're on a merry-go-round, you miss a lot of the scenery,'" and beats your opponent with outrageous merriness for X damage.
- <name> says, "As Neil Gaiman once said, 'The imagination is a muscle. If it is not exercised, it atrophies,'" and beats the enemy with outrageous imagination for X damage.
- <name> says, "As Neil Patrick Harris once said, 'When you're sad, stop being sad and be awesome instead!'" and beats the enemy with outrageous awesomeness for X damage.
- <name> says, "As Neil Peart once said, 'If you've got a problem, take it out on a drum,'" and takes it out on your opponent for X damage.
- <name> says, "As Neil Young once said, 'It's better to burn out, than to fade away,'" and beats your opponent with outrageous burning for X damage.
- After Combat (increased item drop):
- <name> finds a leek somewhere and sings a polka while twirling it around.
- <name> does the Harlem Shake, kind of. I mean it doesn't have quite the right anatomy for it but you guess that's what it's going for.
- <name> does a strange, angry-looking stompy sort of dance, while shouting "DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS".
- <name> starts twerking. Is... is that a thing a gnat can do? I guess if a gnat has legs it must also have a butt.
- After Combat (against an ELDRITCH HORROR):
- <name> drops a thin black candle into your hand. It smells kind of weird... ugh, because it's made of bacon fat. Why does every dang thing have to be bacon?
- <name> gives you a thin black candle with "Team Edward" painted on the side.
- <name> gives you a thin black candle. The tag on it says "MONEY/LOVE/POWER SPELL money/love/power not guaranteed please remember to leave 5-star feedback"
- <name> buzzes past your ear and drops a thin black candle. Looks like it's been buying handmade crap off Etsy again.
- <name> pops up unexpectedly, interrupting what you're doing, and shoves an advertisement in your face.
- <name> freaks out and starts babbling "I used to be a <name2> but then I took an arrow to the knee..."
- <name> starts twitching and moaning. "All your <name2> are belong to us!", it blurts.
- <name> suddenly gets a wild look in its eyes. "I'm a' chargin' mah <name2>!" it shouts. "SHOOP DA WHOOP!"
- <name> suddenly starts twitching spasmodically and shouts "I made you a <name2> but I eated it!"
- After Combat (against TESLA):
- <name> accidentally nudges your hand into the nearby tesla coil. BZAP!
- After Combat (with SCIENCE):
- <name> says, "Did you know: Centrifugal force doesn't really exist! It's actually harmonic weight!"
- <name> says, "Did you know: Young's Twenty-third Law of Dreams says any two objects exert accelerated accelerated language on each other, regardless of their thought!"
- <name> says, "Did you know: O'Kelly's Nineteenth Law of Music says the force acting on an object is equal to the love of the object times its language!"
- <name> says, "Did you know: The fourth state of matter is soup!"
- <name> says, "Did you know: Most of the universe is made up of a substance called Chartreuse Matter!"
- After Combat (in all cases):
|You acquire an item: BACON|
- Enthroned in the Crown of Thrones:
- <name> shouts insults at your opponent from its perch on your hat, which hurts them deeply (for X damage).
- Bjornified in the Buddy Bjorn:
- With lucky Tam O'Shanter equipped:
- You assume that <name> is winking at you, somehwere underneath the tam o'shanter.
- With miniature gravy-covered maypole equipped:
- <Name> buzzes around the maypole a couple of times, then starts planking on top of it.
- With wax lips equipped:
- <Name> takes a selfie while wearing the oversized wax lips, and posts it to fifteen different social media accounts.
- None - familiar has no weaknesses.
- May 2016's item of the month from Mr. Store.
- Messages with <name2> form the name of a summon-able demon. Observed values for <name2> are:
- A 9-letter word looking like a demon-name starting with K'
- A name of a player in your contact list
- The choice of contact and demon-name in <name2> remains the same within an ascension.
- By combining the three, one can summon the demon with name "Neil <DemonName> <ContactName>". Summoning also gives:
- The "Did you know" messages are procedurally-generated from random colors, names, numbers, and statements that vaguely resemble laws of physics.
- AND TESLA!: Adds an image of a Tesla coil to the combat. Restores (1.25*wt - 2.25*wt) MP at end of combat.
- ELDRITCH HORROR: Adds tentacle images to the screen. May drop a thin black candle (max 6/day), scroll of ancient forbidden unspeakable evil (max 1/day, lower chance), or give one component of the summon-able demon name.
- NAMED NEIL: Causes the Intergnat to attack for (wt/2 - wt) damage each round.
- WITH BACON!: Adds bacon images to the combat. Drops 1 extra bacon per combat length (max 5 after 5 rounds) at end of combat.
- WITH SCIENCE!: Grants the 0-MP skills: