Insult

From TheKolWiki
Jump to: navigation, search

Insult

Insult

Type: Combat
MP Cost: 4

Sneaky Pete had a silver tongue, but sometimes that silver was actually a silver knife!


Source: Sneaky Pete's Gate
Price: N/A
Class: Avatar of Sneaky Pete
Level: Dangerous Rebel 1
Effect: Delevels by 1-2 and attacks the enemy for 6-8 damage
When Used:
<Insult>

<He> staggers, suffering X damage from your words.

Monster AttackMonster attack power reduced by Y
Monster DefenseMonster defense reduced by Y


<audience message>


Notes

  • Both X and Y based on Audience hate.
    • X ranges from 6+Hate/2, rounded down to 8+Hate/2, rounded up. At 30 Hate, you'll do 21-23 damage, and at 50 Hate, you'll do 31-33 damage.
    • Y ranges from 1+Hate/2, rounded down to 2+Hate/8, rounded up. At 30 Hate, you'll delevel 4-6, and at 50 Hate, you'll delevel 7-9.
  • With 0 Hate or less, you'll do 6-8 damage, and delevel 1-2.

Audience Response

  • The audience message is dependent on your Hate and is generated as follows:
1-10 Hate
  • A few people in the audience jeer, and a single tomato flies through the air at you, barely missing.
  • A couple of people in the audience stand up and turn their backs on you. Man, that's rough.
  • There are a few scattered hisses from the audience, like someone let in a bunch of disapproving snakes.
  • The audience sits in stony silence.
  • One guy in the audience starts booing, and a few join him.
  • A lady shouts, "ugh, what is wrong with you?" and no one silences her.
  • There are a few muted gasps from the audience, like they're appalled by what you're doing.
  • A guy shouts, "hey, come on, now!" and a few audience members join him in booing you.
  • There's mostly silence from the audience, with a few scattered "BOOO!"s.
  • A lady in the audience shouts, "you suck!" and no one tells her she's wrong.
11-20 Hate
  • The audience pelts you with banana peels and empty soda cans. They're really not digging you right now.
  • Several people in the audience take off their shoes and throw them at you. Honestly, who throws a shoe?
  • Several members of the audience hiss at you, like a bunch of angry cats.
  • There's a growing chorus of "Booooo!" from the audience. Either they're turning into ghosts, or they're not that fond of you.
  • One guy shouts, "aw, c'mon!" and half the audience joins in booing you.
  • A guy shouts, "Gimme a break!" and several other audience members join in voicing their disapproval.
  • About half the audience jeers at you while the other half sit in disapproving
  • There's a growing whispering in the audience, a discontented murmur that could soon erupt into boos. Not booze, sadly.
  • A few rotten tomatoes fly through the air at you, endangering your freshness rating, but you manage to dodge them.
  • A chorus of boos erupts from the audience. You try to pretend they're saying "Bruuuuce!" but you can't quite.
21-50 Hate
  • The audience jeers, sneers, boos and hisses. If anyone's applauding or laughing, they're completely drowned out.
  • One guy in the audience starts applauding, and the rest jump on him and pummel him silent. They are not enjoying what you're doing right now, I tell you what.
  • The audience sneers at you, then jeers at you, and you're not sure which is worse. These guys are not digging on you.
  • The audience starts flipping over trash cans and setting things on fire, delirious with hatred for you.
  • The audience gasps, all of them appalled at how badly you're acting.
  • There's so much hissing going on in the audience right now that it sounds like a dozen cats fighting a dozen snakes in a burlap sack.
  • You're standing in a growing pile of rotten tomatoes and cabbages that the audience has flung at you in their hatred.
  • The boos and catcalls from the audience are so loud that they can no longer hear your clever one-liners.
  • There's a constant rain of banana peels, soda cans, and other assorted garbage as the audience expresses their disapproval by throwing things.
  • The audience shouts, "BOOO!" with one voice, so loud it rattles your eardrums.
  • If the audience's mood is less than 1 hate, no corresponding message is displayed.

Insult Text

  • The insult text depends on the monster's phylum.
    • Against a beast:
      • "At least I have the brains to walk upright and wear clothes! Get with the program!"
      • "Hey, at least I can use toilet paper instead of my own tongue!"
      • "I don't have to take any nonsense from something that eats, sleeps, and poops outside!"
      • "I'd call you a dumb animal, but I hate to state the obvious."
      • "I'd zing you with a clever one-liner, but your brain isn't sophisticated enough to understand it."
      • "If I pretend to throw a ball for you, would you just leave?"
      • "I'm surprised you have the advanced brain function necessary to even fight me, beast!"
      • "I've never seen a beast with a more primitive brain, and I once taught Middle School gym class!"
      • "I've slept in barns that smelt less foul than you do!"
      • "Keep the change, you filthy animal!"
      • "Look, I'd insult you, but I feel sorry for you. You're an animal! You don't even have a soul!"
      • "See the ball? See the ball? Go get it! Go get it!"
      • "To call you an ugly beast is an insult to ugly beasts."
      • "Who has two opposable thumbs and is more evolved than you? This guy."
      • "Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Not you. You're an idiot."
      • "Why don't you go fetch my slippers and my newspaper, you dumb animal?"
      • "You smell like the barn you were undoubtedly born in!"
      • "Your bark may be worse than your bite, but your smell is worse than both!"
      • "You're an animal! And your mother is an animal!"
      • "You're definitely not the alpha in your pack! More like the zeta!"
      • "You're probably the leader of your pack, because you're the only one in it!"
    • Against a bug:
      • "Don't start none; won't be none."
      • "Get ready to cry some bugaboo-hoos."
      • "How can you have that many legs and so few brains?"
      • "I'll be scraping you off of my shoe in a minute!"
      • "It's time for a raid, so I'll fly my black flag!"
      • "Just call me the exterminator. Or better yet, don't speak to me at all."
      • "Let's get this straight: you're the bug, and I'm the debugger."
      • "Looks like you're in need of some control. PEST control."
      • "Try not to BUG OUT on me, okay?"
      • "Whatever, bugbrain!"
      • "Why don't you flitter off and bug someone else?"
      • "Why don't you get out of here and quit BUGGING me?"
      • "You never should have checked out of your roach motel."
      • "You're about to check in and not check out. Wait, I mean you're about to check out...of life."
      • "You're nothing but a common pest, and I'm pest control!"
      • "<PlayerName>: Kills bugs. Dead."
    • Against a constellation:
      • "I just made a wish that you'd get your butt kicked, and it's about to come true!"
      • "I'm about to un-connect your dots, buddy!"
      • "One of these days, bang! Zoom! To the moon!"
      • "See if you can "connect the dots" here: you're toast."
      • "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, beat the crap out of you tonight!"
      • "Twinkle, twinkle while you can, little stars."
      • "We both know that the real star here is me, right?"
      • "You know, I've always preferred astrology. It's a lot less gross."
      • "You may be a constellation, but I'm about to make you see stars!"
      • "You may be made of stars, but you're a black hole when it comes to intelligence!"
      • "Your single-entendres won't save you from a beat down!"
      • "You're a mass of incandescent gas--so you're pretty much made out of farts, eh?"
      • "You're about to be a set of very unlucky stars!"
      • "You're about to be the star of a snuff film!"
      • "You're about to get an astronomical beat-down."
      • "You're just a thing made of dots and lines. Just a thing made of dots and lines!"
      • "You're just the product of the imagination of an undersexed astronomer!"
      • "You're nothing but a bunch of hot air!"
      • "You're the biggest collection of balls of gas I've ever seen, and I've seen the Council of Loathing."
    • Against a construct:
      • "I'm better built than you'll ever be!"
      • "I've built more impressive things than you out of cardboard boxes!"
      • "Looks like they broke the mold before they made you."
      • "My three-year-old nephew could build something more impressive than you!"
      • "Not even the Distant Lands would export something as shoddily built as you!"
      • "Oh, look, some wizard enchanted a pile of garbage!"
      • "Rome wasn't built in a day, but you look like you were built in half an hour."
      • "The most impressive thing about you is that you haven't collapsed in a heap yet!"
      • "What are you even made of? Garbage? It's probably garbage. Stupid."
      • "Whoever built you must have been crazy, drunk, or both."
      • "Whomever made you must have thrown out the directions first."
      • "Wow, what are you ,[sic] a garbage golem? Nice construction there, chief."
      • "You clanking, clattering collection of caliginous junk!"
      • "You may be built, but you're sure not built to last!"
      • "You must have been made by a cross-eyed employee on a Friday."
      • "You're a bigger piece of crap than that crap golem I took out years ago!"
      • "You're just a thing. You don't even have a soul."
      • "You're nothing but garbage and it's time to take out the trash!"
      • "You're the biggest pile of trash I've ever seen, and I've been to Hobopolis."
      • "You're the shoddy project of a deranged mind."
    • Against a demon:
      • "Hey, buddy, I'll see you in hell, but at least I won't be working there!"
      • "I hate to be IMPertinent, but you fight like a wIMP."
      • "I'd say the odds of you winning this fight are imp ossible."
      • "I'll bet even a succubus wouldn't make it with you!"
      • "I'll bet your nose is black from kissing the boots of the Dark Lord Satan!"
      • "Is that a whiff of brimstone, or did you have demonic burritos for lunch?"
      • "Maybe you should go down to Georgia and stay there!"
      • "Nice horns. You look like a cow, and you fight like one."
      • "Nice pitchfork, genius. You look like a sunburned farmer."
      • "Perhaps you need to IMProve your skills a little?"
      • "The only thing demonic about you is your sulfurous stink."
      • "Wow, you'd think torturing the souls of the damned would be better exercise, fatty."
      • "Wow, you're taking your time. You're clearly not a speed demon."
      • "Yo mama's so damned, Satan worships HER!"
      • "You couldn't be less intimidating a demon if you were speaking in limericks."
      • "You defeating me is highly IMProbable."
      • "You may or may not be a W Imp, but you certainly fight like one!"
      • "Your mama's so fat, if she ended up in the Clumsiness Grove she'd be a giant redwood!"
      • "Your mama's so ugly, the G Imp won't even get it on with her!"
      • "You're the ugliest demon I've ever seen, including my ex-spouse."
    • Against a dude:
      • "Are you sure the Monster Manuel didn't classify you wrong? You don't look human to me."
      • "Are you sure you're a human, and not some kind of Ape Golem?"
      • "I guess you're only human...but barely that."
      • "I guess you're technically human, but you could have fooled me!"
      • "I'll bet the only friends you had as a kid were your stuffed animals!"
      • "You smell so bad, not even the hippies want to get with you!"
      • "Your mama's so fat, she can't fit through the Hole in the Sky!"
      • "Your mama's so fat, she doesn't have to wait until Feast of Boris to overeat!"
      • "Your mama's so fat, she got stuck in the Astral Gash!"
      • "Your mama's so fat, she got stuck in the Bathole!"
      • "Your mama's so fat, she tried to eat the cake-shaped arena!"
      • "Your mama's so nasty, she thought there were all kinds of gross puns in the Orc Chasm!"
      • "Your mama's so nasty, the Goblin King wouldn't get with her!"
      • "You're so dumb, you tried to high-five the guys at the Armory & Leggery!"
      • "You're so dumb, you were mad they didn't serve cake on the Desert Bus!"
      • "You're so gross, even the pirates say you smell hARRRRible!"
      • "You're so stupid, you got stuck in the shower for an hour because the conditioner said, "lather, rinse, repeat!""
      • "You're so stupid, you went looking for an ice cream sundae at the Desert Beach!"
      • "You're so ugly, not even the drunkest frat boy would hit you up!"
      • "You're so ugly, when you were a kid they tied meat around your neck to get the other greedy kids to play with you!"
      • "You're so ugly, when you were born the doctor slapped your mother!"
    • Against an elemental:
      • "Are you sure you're not a frat boy elemental? You're as dumb as one."
      • "Are you sure you're not a hippy elemental? You sure smell like one."
      • "Are you sure you're not an ugliness elemental?"
      • "Defeating you will be elementary, I feel."
      • "I'm pretty sure you're actually a drowsiness elemental, because this fight is putting me to sleep."
      • "I'm pretty sure you're actually a failure elemental."
      • "I'm pretty sure you're actually an ennui elemental, because this is boring."
      • "I[sic] pretty sure you're actually a flop sweat elemental."
      • "Look at you! Are you sure you're not a total spaz elemental?"
      • "Maybe you should go back to elementary school?"
      • "Phew! You're more like a smellemental, am I right?"
      • "Well, I suppose friendless, smelly losers could use their own elemental, so it's a good thing you're here."
      • "What useless element are you the embodiment of? Heart?"
      • "You must be a dork elemental."
      • "You seem more like a sissiness elemental than anything else."
      • "You're definitely a loser elemental, regardless of what else you are."
    • Against an elf:
      • "Why don't you go sit on a shelf and freak out little kids?"
    • Against a fish:
      • "I don't know what kind of fish you think you are, but you look crappie to me."
      • "I hope there's other fish in the sea; it'd be depressing otherwise."
      • "I hope you're not fishing for compliments, because you're about to get the opposite!"
      • "I know you don't breathe air, but I'm about to leave you sucking wind!"
      • "I'm about to hurt you down to your sole."
      • "I'm about to lure you in and beat you until you're a bobber!"
      • "I'm about to make you void your swim bladder!"
      • "I'm about to shake your bag until you float upside-down!"
      • "I'm going to kick your bass."
      • "I've pulled scarier things than you off of a hook in the pond out back!"
      • "I've seen scarier fish as a prize at a carnival!"
      • "If I wanted to fight a bottom-feeder that eats worms, I'd go into corporate law."
      • "It's okay to eat you, because you don't have any feelings."
      • "The fishiest thing about you is your assertion that you can beat me!"
      • "The world would be a better place withtrout you."
      • "You think you're a big fish, but you're not even my chum."
      • "You're looking a little green around the gills!"
      • "You're so cowardly, they ought to call you the chicken of the sea!"
      • "You're so dumb I'll bet the little plastic castle is a surprise every time!"
      • "You're such a nasty fish, not even a groupie would get with you!"
    • Against a goblin:
      • "I thought goblins were all green--you're mostly yellow!"
      • "I'll make a necklace out of your goblin giblets!"
      • "I'm about to shut your gob, goblin!"
      • "In a minute, you're going to be gobblin' you own entrails!"
      • "I've met some dumb, ugly, smelly goblins before, but--well, I just met another one."
      • "Man, you must have snuck out of the Knob in one of their sewage shipments!"
      • "Ugh, that breath! Maybe brush your teeth after you're done gobblin'!"
      • "Whatcha been gobblin', goblin? Smells like sewage!"
      • "You should lay off the knob butter, you fat goblin dork!"
      • "You're a more hideous goblin than my mother-in-law!"
      • "You smell like a bog, goblin!"
      • "You're always gobblin', so that must make you a turkey."
      • "You're not worth a hill of beans, goblin!"
      • "You're so dumb, you can't see the guy hiding behind the Goblin King juggling those glass spheres!"
      • "You're so dumb, you haul sewage into your own home!"
      • "You're so dumb, you left your encryption key lying outside on the ground!"
      • "You're the ugliest goblin in the whole Kingdom, and I'm including the Naughty Sorceress in that statement."
    • Against a hippy:
      • "Allow me to engage in some redistribution of pain!"
      • "Cool dreadlocks. Just kidding. Dreadlocks are ridiculous."
      • "Don't worry; after we're done here, I'll recycle your corpse."
      • "I should hide my valuables from you before this fight. Is there a bar of soap nearby?"
      • "It's nice that you revere all forms of life, especially the disgusting ecosystem living in your hair."
      • "Let's play drum circle. Your turn to be the drum."
      • "These punches will come from me, according to my ability, to you, according to your need to be punched."
      • "You certainly have an earthy smell--like the earth at the bottom of an outhouse."
      • "You may be a hippy, but you smell like what a hippy smears on his garden!"
      • "You smell like you're recycling your own waste into hair care products for your dreads."
      • "You're about as dumb as bongwater and twice as smelly."
      • "You're about as interesting and exciting as a big bowl of jicama."
      • "You're not fit to enrich my compost heap!"
      • "You're so dumb, I'm amazed you can count all the way to 420."
      • "You're so dumb you bought a hemp poncho and tried to smoke it!"
      • "You're so dumb, you can't hacky-sack and smoke herbs at the same time!"
      • "You're so dumb, you put butter on your vegan muffins!"
      • "You're so dumb, you think carob tastes anything like chocolate!"
      • "You're so dumb, you thought chicken parmesan was vegan!"
      • "You're so embarrassing, Gaia the earth-mother claims you're adopted."
      • "You're so gross, when you hug a tree it says it only likes you as a friend!"
      • "You're such an embarrassment, the earth denies it's really your mother!"
      • "You're the kind of garbage not even a hippy could upcycle."
    • Against a hobo:
      • "Geez, couldn't you have fit a stick of deodorant in that bindle?"
      • "Get a job!"
      • "How do you get so fat eating nothing but garbage?"
      • "I'm about to give you a headache worse than a Mad Train hangover!"
      • "Is that you or your cigar that smells so foul?"
      • "Nice outfit--next time, raid some Dumpsters from a nicer neighborhood."
      • "The only time anyone's wanted you is when you were Wanted for Vagrancy."
      • "You're so fat, it looks like you ate a whole dumpster full of boots."
    • Against a horror:
      • "Cthulhu is way scarier than you, and he's asleep."
      • "Feh! Don't they have toothpaste in your dimension?"
      • "Goat with a thousand young? More like "chicken with a thousand lily-livers.""
      • "I hope you reproduce asexually, because nothing on this plane of existence is getting busy with you."
      • "I'll bet you come from an eldritch dimension beyond the stars, populated exclusively by dorks."
      • "Not even the goat with a thousand young would claim you as a kid."
      • "You think you're such a tough horror, but I'd call you the King in YELLOW."
      • "Your gibbering squamous horror is somewhat offset by the jiggling of your squamous fat."
      • "Your mom is so easy, she's got a thousand young and they're all from different dads!"
      • "You're so dumb, I'll bet you can't even read the Necronomicon!"
      • "You're so fat, you can't even fit in non-Euclidian architecture!"
    • Against a humanoid:
      • "Are you sure you're not undead? You smell undead."
      • "At least when people say, "oh, the humanity!" you know they're not talking about you."
      • "At least when people scream, "it's not human!" at you, they're technically right."
      • "Hey, my condolences; I hear the Human League turned you down for membership again."
      • "Hey, what's worse than being generally shaped like a human but not human? Nothing."
      • "I feel sorry for you; you're clearly trying so hard to be human, but you're not even coming close."
      • "I guess you're shaped like a person. A person who was in a bad industrial accident."
      • "I thought humanoid creatures were supposed to be at least mistakable for humans, in low light."
      • "I thought humanoid creatures were supposed to be shaped like humans, not goblins."
      • "Much like my first girlfriend, you're only vaguely shaped like a human."
      • "Way to not quite be human, bro."
      • "What are you supposed to be? You're clearly not human, but you're too ugly for a goblin."
      • "You're a pathetic simulacrum of humanity!"
      • "You're almost human, but almost doesn't count in horseshoes, hand grenades, and being as ugly as you are."
      • "You're barely even a humanoid; you're practically a homunculus."
      • "You're like a human, only drawn by an alien kid who has only heard stories about humans."
      • "You're like a twisted funhouse mirror distortion of humanity, only without the fun!"
      • "You may look like a human, but you're not, so you don't even have a soul!"
      • "You're not human, but you're definitely a human stain!"
      • "You're so ugly, when you were born the doctor slapped himself in the eyes so he couldn't see you!"
    • Against a mer-kin:
      • "I don't know which is worse: your fish breath or your fish face."
    • Against an orc:
      • "Do you know how ridiculous you sound when you say, "we dine on man-flesh!"?"
      • "I'll bet they had to put a paper bag over your head to crossbreed you with a goblin!"
      • "I'm about to dine on orc: the other white meat ™."
      • "I've heard there are older and fouler things than orcs in the deep places of the earth, but what could be fouler than you?"
      • "Nice tusks, orc. Didn't they have them in your size?"
      • "Oh, look, it's the most generic bad guy in any fantasy setting. You're basically a tavern rat with higher stats."
      • "That jutting underbite really brings out the ugliness in your face."
      • "The only thing worse than looking at your stupid orc face is smelling your stupid orc scent!"
      • "The only way your face could be less ugly is if there were a white handprint covering most of it."
      • "Well, uruk-hai there, ugly!"
      • "What are in those pustules on your face, anyway? Never mind, I don't want to know."
      • "What's up, dorc?"
      • "Why does every orc I fight have a row of teeth like a picket fence? Don't orcs have dentists?"
      • "Your mother was a stupid, smelly orc! But forgive my redundancy."
      • "You're an unbearably dorky orc."
      • "You're looking a little porky, orc."
    • Against a penguin:
      • "Hey, give me five! Er, I mean, give me a hideously mutated flipper-wing!"
      • "If you don't like fighting me, just fly away! Oh, that's right."
      • "I'm glad you took time out of your busy egg-warming schedule to fight me!"
      • "Is it true you puke on your kids to feed them?"
      • "Nice legs there, waddles."
      • "Nice tuxedo. You look like James Bond's midget, uglier brother."
      • "Nice wings. It's a shame they don't work."
      • "Nice wings. You must be able to fly really high."
      • "Oh, I'm sorry, do you need a dandelion break?"
      • "Ooo, you can fly underwater? So can I. It's called swimming. Look it up."
      • "Ugh, look at this guy. Where's a leopard seal when you need one?"
      • "When do you molt and get some real feathers?"
      • "Woah, fish-breath! You smell like an aquarium that hasn't been cleaned for weeks!"
      • "Why don't you go be the mascot for some needlessly complex operating system?"
      • "Why don't you go let a yeti smack you with an ice club?"
      • "Your egg must have gotten scrambled before you hatched!"
      • "Your mom probably puked in your mouth instead of feeding you!"
      • "You're so ugly, your dad left your egg out in the cold to try and get rid of you!"
      • "You're stubby, you're goofy, and you smell like herring."
    • Against a pirate:
      • "Arrr, why be ye talking like a half-Irish, half-idiot teenager?"
      • "Don't make me put you in the scuppers with a hosepipe on you!"
      • "Ever wonder why you always draw Crow's Nest duty? I'll give you a hint: you smell hARRRible."
      • "For you, being a cursed zombie with rotting flesh revealed in the moonlight would be an improvement!"
      • "I wouldn't even take you on as a cabin boy!"
      • "I wouldn't even take you on as ballast!"
      • "I'll bet you spend a lot of time on the poop deck."
      • "If you keep stepping to me, you're going to be walking on two wooden legs!"
      • "Is there any more to your life than rum, the lash, and that other thing?"
      • "It'd take more than a bottle of rum to get me to shiver your timbers, buddy!"
      • "Nice hook. Really brings out your eyepatch."
      • "Nice sword. Didn't they have any in stock that weren't bent?"
      • "Why don't you bury yourself and don't leave a map to find you?"
      • "Why don't you go take a flying dutchman at a rolling doughnut?"
      • "You look like you got keelhauled and put away wet!"
      • "You smell more like salt water and fish than the penguins I've been fighting!"
      • "Your mama's so fat, she used every sail on your ship to make a dress!"
      • "Your mama's so nasty, when the other pirates say, "yoho!" she says, "what?""
      • "Your mother's polished more masts than your cabin boy!"
      • "Your mama's so ugly, they call her Captain Blackbeard!"
    • Against a plant:
      • "Hey, way to photosynthesize, idiot."
      • "Hey, why don't you plant yourself in a pile of poop to grow faster?"
      • "Ooo, it's some walking compost. What a challenge."
      • "This fight would be much more tolerable with a white wine vinaigrette."
      • "Were you grown in organic compost? You certainly smell like you were."
      • "Were you grown in organic fertilizer? You certainly smell like you were."
      • "Why don't you make like the plant that you are and leave."
      • "Why don't you talk to me when you have a working set of lungs!"
      • "You inhale the stuff I breathe out. You live off my waste!"
      • "You're not even food. You're the stuff my food eats."
      • "You're so stupid, you can't even feed yourself through capillary action!"
      • "You're so stupid, you thought photosynthesis was about taking pictures!"
      • "You're so ugly, a bird won't even build a nest in you!"
      • "You're so ugly, bees won't spread your pollen!"
      • "You're so ugly, the wind won't even blow through your leaves!"
      • "You're so ugly, squirrels won't hide their nuts anywhere near you!"
      • "You're not even fit to enrich my compost heap!"
      • "You may be ugly, stupid, and barely sentient, but you're chock full of vitamins and minerals."
    • Against a slime:
      • "Great, now I'm fighting snot with delusions of grandeur."
      • "I can't take an enemy seriously whose only stat is "viscosity.""
      • "I should just add water to you until you're a puddle of snot!"
      • "If you were any less viscous, you'd be a puddle!"
      • "I'm not wasting time fighting an enemy that would lose to a sewer grate!"
      • "I've beat slimes more ferocious than you with a single kleenex!"
      • "I've fought oil slicks more viscous than you!"
      • "I've scraped more intimidating things off the underside of a students' desk!"
      • "I've scraped prettier things than you off the bottom of my shoe."
      • "I've sneezed out things more intimidating than you!"
      • "Nice skeleton--oh, wait, you don't have one."
      • "Oh, great, now I'm fighting a wad of chewed gum with delusions of grandeur."
      • "Why am I fighting a sentient dollop of lube? This is beneath me."
      • "You're just motor oil with delusions of grandeur!"
      • "You're like a wad of mayonnaise, only less interesting and more foul."
      • "You're like most nerds I know--always attempting to reproduce asexually."
      • "You're more of a useless, blubbering blob than that portly abomination the Knob Goblins have!"
      • "You're so ugly, you won't even reproduce by dividing yourself!"
      • "You're so unpleasant, the slime hivemind won't meld with you!"
    • Against an undead:
      • "Did your mother have any children that unlived?"
      • "Get an unlife, dork."
      • "I'm pretty sure "undead" just means "alive," dummy."
      • "I'm sure you're the unlife of the unparty."
      • "Not even the mousiest and most uninteresting Mary Sue would want to get with you!"
      • "Say what you want about me; at least I've got a pulse."
      • "You may be undead, but from the neck up, you're just dead."
      • "Your mama's so ugly, the villagers won't touch her with a 10-foot pitchfork!"
      • "Your mama's so ugly, the villagers won't touch her with a 10-foot torch!"
      • "Your whole body's undead except your brain: that part's just dead."
      • "You're so old and senile, you visited the Hidden City before it was hidden but you can't remember how to get back there!"
      • "You're so old, Ed the Undying wasn't even born when you were alive!"
      • "You're so old, Krakrox the Barbarian calls you "Gramps!""
      • "You're so old, the Naughty Sorceress wasn't even a Mischievous Ovum when you were alive!"
      • "You're so old, you call King Yore I a whippersnapper!"
      • "You're so old, your Social Security Number is two digits!"
      • "You're so ugly, even Kitty the Zmobie Basher wouldn't date you!"
      • "You're so ugly, Ouija boards refuse to touch you."
      • "You're so ugly, people cross oceans of time to get away from you!"
      • "You're so ugly, your reflection doesn't show up in mirrors because it's ashamed to."
    • Against a weird monster:
      • "I can't describe how weird you are, but I wish I wasn't looking at you."
      • "I can't. I just can't with this weirdness."
      • "I don't know what you are, but I know you're creepy."
      • "I'd insult you, but I'm not even sure what you are."
      • "I'm not sure exactly what you are, but I know I don't like you."
      • "I'm not sure exactly what you are, except dumb."
      • "I'm not sure exactly what you are, except for ugly."
      • "Way to be weird, weirdo."
      • "Wow, they must have broke the mold before they made you."
      • "You offend all five of my senses with your weirdness."
      • "You're about as pleasant as the vomit I just threw up in my mouth looking at you!"
      • "You're roundly unpleasant. And weird."
      • "You're so weird, you make weird not look like a word anymore."
      • "You're too weird to even insult properly!"
      • "You're weird. And dumb."
      • "You're weird. And fat."
      • "You're weird. And not good weird. Bad weird."
      • "You're weird. And ugly."
      • "You're weird. And will probably die alone."
      • "You're weird. And you smell weird, too."
  • The damage message is one of the following:
    • <He> staggers, suffering X damage from your words.
    • <It> quails before your tongue-lashing, taking X damage.
    • <He> says, "you cut me. You cut me real deep just then," and takes X damage from your insult.
    • <It> shakes <its> head, muttering, "that's just...naughty," and takes X damage.
    • She says, "hey, I has feelings too, y'know," as <she> take X damage from your hurtful insult.
    • <She> blushes with shame, suffering X damage.
    • <He> hangs <his> head and shuffles <his> feet, taking X damage from the shame.
    • <They> say, "Cheeky..." and suffer X damage.
    • <They> gasp, genuinely shocked by your insult, and take X damage.
    • <It> drops to <its> knees, taking X damage from your acid tongue. Er, not a literal acid tongue. I mean your words.
    • <It> says, "I wish you would have stuck to sticks and stones," and takes X damage from your words.

See Also