Heavy Kegtank

From TheKolWiki

Heavy Kegtank
Location	The Battlefield (War Hippy Fatigues)
Hitpoints	300
Attack	180
Defense	?
Initiative	?
Meat	None
Element	sleaze
Physical	50%
Drops meat engine, PADL Phone, sake bomb, sake bomb
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You're fighting a Heavy Kegtank

This is the saddest thing known to man, even sadder than the tears of a clown -- it's a giant beer keg with no beer in it. Not only that, but the frat boys put it on tracks, installed a meat engine and some armaments, and are using it as a tank. Tanks a lot, you jerks.

Hit Message(s):

A frat boy's arm emerges from a porthole and flings a sake bomb at you. What's Japanese for "ow, dammit!?" Ugh! Eek! Eek! Eek! Ouch! Ugh! Ouch! (hot damage)

A cannon on top of the tank swivels around and pelts you with beer. That wouldn't hurt, but the beer's in individual 12-oz cans. Argh! Argh! Ouch! Ouch! Ow! Ugh!

A hose emerges from the side of the tank and sprays you with cheap beer. Some of it gets in your mouth. Ugh! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Argh! Ouch! (sleaze damage)

The tank rumbles over your <lower back>. Ow! Ugh! Oof! Ugh! Ow! Ugh!

Critical Hit Message:

A turret pops up from the stop of the keg and liquid sprays out of a cannon. Thinking it's beer, you open your mouth -- only to find that it's cheap aftershave. It doesn't taste all that pleasant. Ugh! Argh! Ow! Ow! Ooh! Oof! (sleaze damage)

Miss Message(s):

A hose emerges from the side of the tank, but you avert your eyes and step aside.

A cannon on top of the tank fires an ice-cold beer at you, but you catch it and pour it out on the ground.

A frat boy's arm emerges from a porthole and he flings a sake bomb at you, but he's too hammered to throw straight.

It tries to roll over you, but you never play during rollover.

Fumble Message:

It goes over a couple of bumps, and you hear a muted explosion inside, followed by a voice shouting "I told you it was dangerous to make the thing run on beer! Beer's carbonated, bra!"