Hardcore Checklist

From TheKolWiki
Jump to: navigation, search
Hermit.gif The Hermit humbly requests that this page be rewritten or expanded.

This page gives advice based on outdated/obsolete information. This page is currently being revamped to fall in line with current quests and mechanics.

The following is a bare-bones roadmap for hardcore players of what absolutely needs to be accomplished to ascend during a no-path run; i.e., all of The Council of Loathing's quests, and the sub-quests that need to be completed to make them possible. It will also cover some of the basic time-savers that should be a part of nearly every path, especially for 0- or low-permed-skill players.

Notes

  • As this checklist assumes you've played through the main quest already once in order to unlock Hardcore, spoilers abound. You were warned.
  • The notes sections in the table will often have helpful item to clear quests, but for the more complex quests, some of it has been left to the appropriate quest page. Check those for more details and strategy.
  • While the article has been laid out in Level order to organize what you need for each quest, it does NOT guarantee the most efficient route, which is dependent on a number of variables - what drops, what skills you have, your class, your stats, your adventures remaining, etcetera. Generally, items that can be safely taken ahead of order are in blue, but you can also use the Safe Moxie column to determine where you are okay to adventure. A fully sortable table with Moxie and Initiative is available at Safe Adventuring. (On the flip side of the coin, you may frequently want to skip the blue columns to push the Council quests forward to get better gear, consumables, and rewards.)
  • For simplicity's and efficiency's sake, the checklist will assume you're taking a Knoll sign.
  • Items where the optimal play may be dependent on other factors have been listed in italics to indicate you have choices.
  • Because of the huge variety of items available to a softcore player, optimal softcore items and routing may be significantly different from below.

Legend

White cells indicate mandatory items required to complete an ascension.
Items in italics indicate items that players can choose among in order to complete an ascension.
Purple cells indicate items that will be necessary later in the ascension, but may be more efficient to collect earlier.
Green cells indicate useful items that may result in a net savings in turns.

Checklist

Level 1: Toot Oriole Quest

As simple as it gets: obtain the letter from King Ralph XI from The Toot Oriole and pop it open. Ah, but now you need to get to Level 2. If you're not going to eat something (like an astral hot dog), you have a couple of options, but given that you'll need Meat and will almost certainly have rat whiskers later, your best bet may be starting at the The Dirt-Walled Hovel of the Pretentious Artist.

Pretentious Artist Quest

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
The Sleazy Back Alley 11 Moxie pail of pretentious paint Pretentious Artist Quest Finishing this quest will allow you to turn in rat whiskers for 50 Meat apiece, and given that hardcore runs are usually Meat-starved early on, this is likely an efficient trade of adventures for meat for you. If you need booze early, it may be worthwhile to start at The Sleazy Back Alley, where there are frequent Mad Train wine drops. Keep in mind that you will need to go to the Outskirts of Cobb's Knob for the Level 5 quest, so it may be worth wrapping up this quest later if you level to 2 quickly.
Outskirts of Cobb's Knob 12 Moxie pretentious paintbrush
The Haunted Pantry 14 Moxie pretentious palette
The Sleazy Back Alley 11 Moxie bum cheek Boss Bat Quest If you're adventuring here, also keep an eye out for the bum cheek, which is one way you can get the Stench Resistance you'll need for the Level 4 quest.

Level 2: Spooky Forest Quest

Another easy-peasy jaunt, so it may be worthwhile to stick around (especially if you're still below level 3) to unlock The Hidden Temple, which will be necessary at Level 11. Everything you need to do here can be positively influenced by -combat.

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
The Spooky Forest 15 Moxie mosquito larva Spooky Forest Quest The first time you get Arboreal Respite, choose Explore the streamMarch to the marsh.
Spooky Temple map Quest for the Holy MacGuffin Getting these three will unlock The Hidden Temple and is very likely a quicker route than helping "Dakota" Fanning. You'll need to get Arboreal Respite to come up another four times. Each time it does:
Spooky-Gro fertilizer
spooky sapling

Level 3: Typical Tavern Quest

Your main goal here is to turn off the rat faucet in the Tavern Cellar of The Typical Tavern, but there are a couple of efficiencies you may be able to take care of along the way.

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
Tavern Cellar 20 Moxie rat whiskers Meat Farming You'll pick these up along the way; they can be turned in after the Pretentious Artist Quest. The most efficient route through the Cellar is heading straight down to the bottom row, and then straight left. (Straight left to the left row, then down works too.) If you do that, the rat faucet will be found in one of the four bottom-left squares.
N/A Baron von Ratsworth's monocle +itemdrop After you find the rat faucet, you can find A Tiny Mansion by exploring the far side of the Cellar (left side or bottom side) you hadn't yet uncovered. Baron von Ratsworth scales with your stats and your ascensions, but for an extra 1-5 adventures, may be a worthwhile kill. (Note that you can use a monster aggravation device to influence his drop, as well - see detuned radio, below.)
50 Moxie tangles of rat tails Quest for the Holy MacGuffin If you find yourself with both sources of +ML and the stats to keep yourself alive, using it when exploring the Cellar increases the chances you will fight a drunken rat king instead of the base drunken rat(s). The tangle of rat tails will be useful to save turns in A Small Pyramid.
A Barroom Brawl 20 Moxie 2 beer lenses Campground Equipment While you're here, getting into the Brawl will likely net you some booze, but what you're really looking for is a pair of beer lenses, which drop off of unemployed knob goblin(s). They combine together to make beer goggles, and eventually, a bartender-in-the-box.

Day One: Hermitage

As you reach the end of your first day, if you have Meat to burn, now may be a good time to unlock The Hermitage so you don't miss out on a day's worth of clovers. As clovers can save you a lot of turns at the start of Level 4, this is also a good time to grab them in advance.

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
The General Store N/A 1 hermit permit Clover Farming 100 Meat. The hermit permit allows trade at The Hermitage.
chewing gums on strings 50 Meat each. Chewing gum on a string has a chance of producing a worthless trinket, worthless gewgaw or worthless knick-knack, which can be traded at The Hermitage for an item. (See the chewing gum page for details on "forcing" the worthless items.) Among other things, these trades are a guaranteed source of clovers, which can be used to save significant amounts of adventures. The stock of clovers replenishes each day, and is influenced by your number of ascensions.

Level 4: Boss Bat Quest

Things really start to open up around Level 4. In addition to dealing with the Boss Bat, around this time is when you can start to advance the Spookyraven Manor Quest and work on unlocking Desert Beach and your Campground Equipment to save turns. You'll also likely be able to start doing your necessary Daily Dungeon runs safely.

As mentioned in the previous section, if efficiency is your goal, this is a good time for clovers. You'll probably want 2-5 of them by this point, if possible, depending on your class and skills.

The Bat Hole

You have three basic goals in The Bat Hole:


Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
The Bat Hole Entrance 24 Moxie Pine-Fresh air freshener Boss Bat Quest You'll need at least 1 Stench Resistance to move forward to Guano Junction, so if you don't have it by now, the Pine-Fresh air freshener drops off of pine bats here and will do the trick.
Guano Junction 28 Moxie up to 3 sonars-in-a-biscuit Boss Bat Quest The bats here drop sonars-in-a-biscuit, and each one of those can be used to open up a sub-zone of The Bat Hole without fighting through enemies until you reach and kill a screambat. Using a clover here will give you 2 sonars-in-a-biscuit if you have none in your inventory. Using 2 clovers is probably overkill; you can either farm the third sonar-in-a-biscuit or just work your way through the Beanbat Chamber without one (for reasons that will be made clear in two rows).
1 briefcase Cap'm Caronch Quest Don't go out of your way to farm these, which can drop from a briefcase bat, but keep an eye out for them. They're one way to get through The Infiltrationist later on, and if you have extras, they are usable for extra Meat.
Beanbat Chamber 31 Moxie 1 enchanted bean Giant Trash Quest The beanbats here have a chance to drop an enchanted bean, which you'll need in Level 10 to warp-zone your way into the sky.

Shopping Spree: Bitchin' Meatcar Quest and Campground Equipment

How are your Meat reserves? If good, this may be a good time to start in on your campground equipment, not to mention unlock access to Desert Beach and handle a couple other odds and ends. To take care of those two goals, we're going shopping. You are born under a Knoll sign, right? If not, getting this stuff is going to require significantly more murder in Degrassi Knoll.

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
Bitchin' Meatcar Quest
The Degrassi Knoll Bakery and Hardware Store N/A 1 spring Bitchin' Meatcar Quest 508 Meat total (including the 100 you will need to craft a meat stack). Turn it in at your guild and you'll gain access to Desert Beach for far less than the price of a Desert Bus pass.
1 sprocket
1 cog
1 empty meat tank
1 tires
The General Store 1 sweet rims


Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
Bartender-in-the-box and/or Chef-in-the-box
The Degrassi Knoll Bakery and Hardware Store N/A 1 spring Bartender-in-the-box 20 Meat each. One spring for each of these you'll be making is sufficient; the other parts will have to be farmed.
1 spring Chef-in-the-box


Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
Meat maid
The Degrassi Knoll Bakery and Hardware Store N/A 1 spring Meat maid 340 Meat total (including the 100 you will need to craft a meat stack). We'll also need a few more farmed parts for this, which we will acquire later.
1 sprocket
1 cog
1 empty meat tank
1 frilly skirt
1 maiden wig


Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
And While You're At The Knoll...
The Degrassi Knoll Bakery and Hardware Store N/A detuned radio +ML 300 Meat. If you've got the meat to burn, there are plenty of times where increasing your ML is valuable, both for the stats and some better drops, leading to a potential gain in turn efficiency. This is an easy and cheap way to get up to 10 +ML.
Innabox's Garage N/A rusty screwdriver Orc Chasm Quest Before you grab this, head to The Untinker's Cottage to get the Untinker Quest. Untinkering access, in combination with the optional Cap'm Caronch Quest you'll be doing anyway, will save significant time and/or clovers during the first part of the Orc Chasm Quest.

Legendary Epic Weapon Quest: It's Boxing Day

  • PREREQUISITE: Mainstat of 12.

Generally, we're not doing this quest for the Legendary Epic Weapon, although depending on what other drops you have, the bonuses it provides may lead to efficiency along the way. No, the big draw here is ensuring that you get enough boxen to get your bartender-in-the-box and/or chef-in-the-box. If you're not going to be doing any cooking or mixing that requires adventures, you should probably skip this quest altogether, though there are still a few useful things at The Unquiet Garves.

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
The Unquiet Garves 33 Moxie your class' Epic Weapon Campground Equipment Necessary to unlock The "Fun" House. Bring it back to your guild to do so.
1-3 smart skulls Drops from the Smart Skelton. You'll need one of these for each of your bartender-in-the-box, chef-in-the-box, and meat maid.
1 dead guy's watch Free Turns Drops from the grave rober, and will give you +1 adventure every day if you have it equipped at rollover.
1 grave robbing shovel The Wizard of Ego Quest Also drops from the grave rober, and will be necessary later on if we're going to unlock the Tower Ruins (which we are).
1 loose teeth Naughty Sorceress Quest You'll have other chances to acquire it so don't farm, but if you happen to get both of these to drop, you can combine them for the necessary skeleton key.
1 skeleton bone
The "Fun" House 30 Moxie 1-2 boxen Bartender-in-the-box
Chef-in-the-box
One box for each.
37 Moxie your class' Legendary Epic Weapon Legendary Epic Weapon Quest If, while farming boxen, you end up with at or near 4 Clownosity, you may want to push through until you can equip it and get Adventurer, $1.99, which will let you fight The Clownlord Beelzebozo for the missing ingredient to your Legendary Epic Weapon. Too complex a calculation to determine if it's worth it here, though.

Campground Equipment: Getting Ahead (Or Three)

  • PREREQUISITE: Mainstat of 11 (18 for second part of quest).

Once you've assembled the mechanical parts for your campground equipment, all that's left are the final touches, and by "final touches" I mean "dismembered headparts and such". Roll up your sleeves!

  • First, you'll want to pick up The Wizard of Ego quest from your guild. It's available at the opposite trainer from your class. We're not going to do all of it, just enough to get you into the Tower Ruins.
  • Then, make sure you've got a few pre-requisites wrapped up:
    • You're definitely going to want one ten-leaf clover for every campground item you're going to make - otherwise you may end up wasting more turns than you save.
    • If you're making a bartender-in-the-box and didn't get the 2 beer lenses from A Barroom Brawl previously, go grab those.
    • If you didn't have the Meat to wrap up all your shopping at Degrassi Knoll beforehand, do that too.


Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
Outskirts of Cobb's Knob 12 Moxie 1 chef's hat Chef-in-the-box You'll need one hat if you're crafting a Chef-in-the-box. It also drops at The Haunted Kitchen and The Haunted Pantry, but less frequently, and if you're at Level 5 at this point, you can make progress here towards The King of Cobb's Knob Quest, too.
The Unquiet Garves 33 Moxie Fernswarthy's key Campground Equipment If you didn't get the grave robbing shovel yet, adventure here until you have one (though if for some reason you're already at Level 7 and doing the Undefile the Cyrpt Quest, a rusty grave robbing shovel from The Defiled Alcove works too). Once you bring it back to the questgiver and talk to them a couple of times, if your mainstat is 18 you'll get the key back and get access to The Ruins of Fernswarthy's Tower.
  • If you haven't already, also make sure you collect enough smart skulls from here - one for each piece of equipment you're making.
Tower Ruins 28 Moxie 1-3 disembodied brains You could farm here for brainsweepers, but that will take quite a bit of time. Instead, simply walk into the Tower Ruins with a ten-leaf clover and you'll get I've Gotta Crow, which will give you one guaranteed. Do that for every campground item you're going to make.


At this point, you should have everything you need to craft your meat maid, as well as your bartender-in-the-box and/or chef-in-the-box if desired. Craft 'em, install 'em, and enjoy your better living through science!

Spookyraven Manor: First Floor

It's required that you work your way through the second floor of the Spookyraven Manor Quest in order to complete the Quest for the Holy MacGuffin, but access has its advantages beyond that. In particular, it's a great farming spot for stats later in the run. Go on and use the telegram from Lady Spookyraven you received when you ascended, if you haven't already.

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
The Haunted Kitchen 32 Moxie Spookyraven billiards room key Spookyraven Manor Quest After every combat, you'll open between 1-4 drawers; the key will be in the 21st drawer you open. You can open more drawers by equipping more Stench Resistance and/or Hot Resistance.
The Haunted Billiards Room 35 Moxie Spookyraven library key Spookyraven Manor Quest The goal here is to get your Pool Skill high enough (at least 14, 18 for a guaranteed win) to hustle the ghost in Welcome To Our ool Table. Check the Pool Skill page for suggestions.
The Haunted Library 38 Moxie Lady Spookyraven's necklace Spookyraven Manor Quest A guaranteed drop from the fifth writing desk you defeat.
1 killing jar Quest for the Holy MacGuffin These drop off of the banshee librarian; having one will save you some time later exploring The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert.

Turn the necklace back in to Lady Spookyraven and access to Spookyraven Manor, Second Floor is yours. There are some valuable things you may want to do up there, but we'll cover those in a later level.

The Daily Dungeon

Though the keys you get here won't be necessary until the Naughty Sorceress Quest, you can only run The Daily Dungeon once a day, so you'll want to start doing that early enough in your ascension that you don't end up time-locked at the end of it.

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
The Daily Dungeon 30 Moxie 1 Boris's key Naughty Sorceress Quest In hardcore, you can expect to spend 15 adventures on the Dungeon each day.
1 Jarlsberg's key
1 Sneaky Pete's key

Level 5: The King of Cobb's Knob Quest

Next stop: Cobb's Knob, after you pick up the Cobb's Knob map from the Council. You'll have your choice of possibilities here: either acquire the Knob Goblin Harem Girl Disguise, which is more straightforward but potentially longer, or the Knob Goblin Elite Guard Uniform, which requires an outlay of 1,000 Meat (if you haven't already upgraded your kitchen) but can be one-shot quickly with a semi-rare adventure.

Either way, remember going forward that the outfit will enable you to visit the Cobb's Knob Treasury once a day to pick up an easy 500 Meat.

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
Outskirts of Cobb's Knob 12 Moxie Knob Goblin encryption key The King of Cobb's Knob Quest The key will drop on your 11th adventure in the zone.
THEN, EITHER:
Cobb's Knob Harem 40 Moxie Knob Goblin harem veil Knob Goblin Harem Girl Disguise If you acquire the veil and pants before you get the perfume, you can put the outfit on and go back into the Harem to get one turn's worth of the perfume effect, allowing access to the Throne Room.
Knob Goblin harem pants
Knob Goblin perfume
OR...
Cobb's Knob Barracks 40 Moxie Knob Goblin elite helm Knob Goblin Elite Guard Uniform If you can queue up a semi-rare adventure here, you'll fight a Knob Goblin Elite Guard Captain, who will drop all three parts of the uniform for you at once.
Knob Goblin elite pants
Knob Goblin elite polearm
Cobb's Knob Kitchens N/A Knob cake pan Knob cake While wearing the uniform, your first three adventures in the zone will drop the three parts of the cake you'll need.
Knob batter
Knob frosting
The General Store N/A Dramatic™ range 1,000 Meat. You'll need this to bake the cake, which you should do. Once you're wearing the uniform and have the cake, you'll be able to access the Throne Room.

Once in the Throne Room, it's just a matter of killing the Knob Goblin King. Use your dance magic.

Side Trips: White Pixels, White Animals

At this point, you can probably handle both the 8-Bit Realm and Whitey's Grove for a few necessary / helpful items, and potentially a bit of leveling if you need it. You can get access to Whitey's Grove at your guild if you've completed the Bitchin' Meatcar Quest - otherwise, you'll have to wait until Level 11.

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
The Crackpot Mystic's Shed N/A continuum transfunctioner Naughty Sorceress Quest Talk to the Crackpot Mystic to get this, then equip it and head to The Inexplicable Door to access the 8-Bit Realm.
8-Bit Realm 35 Moxie digital key Naughty Sorceress Quest To get the key, which is required for ascension, you'll need to turn in 30 white pixels at The Crackpot Mystic's Shed. When you're counting your pixels, remember that the CM can also combine a set of red pixel, blue pixel, and green pixel to make a white pixel.
3 black pixels If you find yourself with extra pixels, the CM can make 3 black and 2 red into a red pixel potion, which is one item that can be used on floor 5 of the Naughty Sorceress' tower.
2 red pixels
Whitey's Grove 48 Moxie 1 bird rib Quest for the Holy MacGuffin The rib drops from whitesnakes and the oil drops from white lions; you can then cook the two together into a wet stew that will save you some time in The Palindome.
1 lion oil
mullet wig Cap'm Caronch Quest Another potential piece for The Infiltrationist, if you happen to encounter The Only Thing About Him is the Way That He Walks.

Level 6: Deep Fat Friars' Gate Quest

This is an extremely straight-forward quest, but the real benefit is that it allows you to go for Liver of Steel, which will allow you more drinks - and therefore, more adventures - every day. As such, you'll probably want to do this one as soon as possible once you hit Level 6.

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
The Dark Elbow of the Woods 58 Moxie eldritch butterknife Deep Fat Friars' Gate Quest The third non-combat in each zone will drop the quest item; you're guaranteed to get them at 5, 10, and 15 adventures if you haven't yet, but they can be sped up by -combat.
The Dark Heart of the Woods 60 Moxie box of birthday candles
The Dark Neck of the Woods 62 Moxie dodecagram
3 hot wings Cap'm Caronch Quest These drop in all three Dark zones, and later in the Pandamonium Slums once you've cleared the Copse. Again, another potential disguise for The Infiltrationist, and arguably, the easiest one to get.
1 ruby W Naughty Sorceress Quest If one happens to drop here, you can use it as part of your Wand of Nagamar down the road.

Once you've got all three required items, shuffle off to The Deep Fat Friars' Gate to cleanse the taint, complete the quest, and don't forget your daily buff at the Copse of the Deep Fat Friars from here on out.

Azazel, Ma Belle: Steeling Your Liver

Once you've completed the Deep Fat Friars' Gate Quest, The Deep Fat Friars' Gate will now take you to Pandamonium. When there, ya boy Azazel will ask for your help with some talisman retrieval, and off you go!

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
Infernal Rackets Backstage 70 Moxie 5 bus passes Azazel, Ma Belle Needed to get Azazel's tutu.
beer-scented teddy bear You'll have to turn four of these in to Sven Golly at the Hey Deze Arena to solve the logic puzzle and get Azazel's unicorn. Sven's page has all the details you need, but the short form is as follows:
  • The puzzle answer never changes.
  • You only need four of the items - four of them work for one band member, two of them work for two - though if you're farming for bus passes at the same time you'll probably end up with more.
  • If you have three straight combat adventures in the zone, your next adventure is guaranteed to drop an item.
booze-soaked cherry
comfy pillow
giant marshmallow
gin-soaked blotter paper
sponge cake
The Laugh Floor 80 Moxie 5 cans of imp air Needed to get Azazel's tutu.
observational glasses Dropped by Larry of the Field of Signs, who will be the third comedian you fight after Carbuncle Top and Victor the Insult Comic Hellhound. You'll get a comedian after 5 adventures in the zone if you haven't already, then you'll get one if you've had 4 adventures without one. Strangely, though, in this zone it's +combat that makes those fights more likely. When you've shown Larry the deal, equip all three items dropped by the comedians and Talk to Mourn out front; you'll get Azazel's lollipop in addition to some Meat and stats if you do all three options.
Moaning Panda Square N/A Azazel's tutu Once you've got the 5 cans of imp air and 5 bus passes, going to the Square will allow you to trade them to a man of wealth and taste and get Azazel's tutu in return.
Azazel's Temple N/A steel margarita Once you have all three talismans, turn them in and Azazel will nefariously give you a steel margarita; go ahead and pound it (it won't make you overdrink) to unlock your Liver of Steel and be able to handle 5 more drunkenness per day.

Detour: Islandhopping Garb, Man

At this point, with your liver hardened, you're going to need more booze and mixin's. It might be reasonable, then, to unlock the Mysterious Island of Mystery. You'll have to do it anyway by the time you start the Cap'm Caronch Quest, but the draw here right now is access to The Hippy Store, which will sell you all the fruits you need for both pies and mixed drinks.

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
The General Store N/A 1 dingy planks Mysterious Island of Mystery Access 400 Meat for the planks; 1,500 Meat and 9 adventures for the plans. To get the dinghy plans, you'll need to take three trips at The Shore, getting three Shore Inc. Ship Trip Scrip, and turning them in at the gift shop. With low +item% 9 adventures will almost certainly save time over the Hippy Boatman Quest, your other option. Combine the plans and the planks to get your dingy dinghy.
The Shore, Inc. 1 dinghy plans
The Hippy Camp 51 Moxie 1 filthy knitted dread sack Mysterious Island Quest You will need either the two-part Filthy Hippy Disguise or the three-part Frat Boy Ensemble to complete the Mysterious Island Quest, but as noted, the Filthy Hippy Disguise will also let you shop at The Hippy Store while wearing it.
1 filthy corduroys

Level 7: Undefile the Cyrpt Quest

There's not really a "pick this up" section of the Level 7 Quest: it's just a straightforward clearout of all four subzones of The Cyrpt, followed by killing the Bonerdagon in The Haert of Darkness. Each of the four subzones has an approach to make it quicker; check out the quest page for details.

  • Safe Moxie for the subzones is between 65-69, with the sub-bosses requiring 87-89 and the Bonerdagon requiring 101.

That may make this a good time to move your way along two necessary subquests: the Spookyraven Manor Quest and the Cap'm Caronch Quest.

Spookyraven Manor: Second Floor

Lady Spookyraven has moved upstairs since the last time we saw her, and when you chat her up you'll find out she's ready for dancin'. Completing this floor of the Spookyraven Manor Quest is required for ascension (the third floor is not), and there are a few more helpful things you can pick up along the way.

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
The Haunted Gallery 70 Moxie Lady Spookyraven's dancing shoes Spookyraven Manor Quest Get to Louvre It or Leave It and take the middle option until you get to The Persistence of Memory. Then, take the top option.
The Haunted Bedroom Lady Spookyraven's finest gown After you kill an elegant animated nightstand, choose Open the single drawer to get the gown.
disposable instant camera Quest for the Holy MacGuffin Kill an animated ornate nightstand, then pick Look under the nightstand. This will save some turns in The Palindome later.
Lord Spookyraven's spectacles Kill an animated ornate nightstand, then pick Look under the nightstand. This will save some turns during our final trip to Spookyraven Manor.
The Haunted Bathroom Lady Spookyraven's powder puff Spookyraven Manor Quest Drops off of the cosmetics wraith in Never Gonna Make You Up.

After you've returned Lady Spookyraven's garbage, head to The Haunted Ballroom to dance with her and complete this part of the quest. The second floor of Spookyraven Manor has a bunch of ten-leaf clover adventures that are great for powerleveling, and in The Haunted Ballroom you can summon up the Strung-Up Quartet to play songs to buff you on the rest of your run (you'll probably want to turn Combat Frequency down by 5%).

Cap'm Caronch Quest: Everything But The Poop

If you've got your island access already, you can do nearly all of the Cap'm Caronch Quest now. You're definitely going to want to do it before you start the Orc Chasm Quest at Level 9, and we'll come back for one last part during Level 11 to help unlock The Palindome.

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
The Obligatory Pirate's Cove 79 Moxie eyepatch Cap'm Caronch Quest Your first step is to acquire the Swashbuckling Getup, the parts of which drop off the pirates here. Be sure to check the location page for the various non-combats that are guaranteed to drop a piece. Equip it, and you'll be able to run around The Obligatory Pirate's Cove.
1 stuffed shoulder parrot
1 swashbuckling pants
Barrrtleby's Barrrgain Bookstore N/A The Big Book of Pirate Insults Cap'm Caronch Quest 500 Meat. Even if you're an accomplished fencer who knows all the insults by heart, you still gotta guy - I mean, buy - the book for this quest.
1 abridged dictionary Orc Chasm Quest 1,000 Meat. Pricey but worthwhile: take it to The Untinker's Cottage (see Level 4 if you haven't unlocked him already) and you'll get back a bridge and a dictionary, the former of which will save you a lot of turns around Level 9.
Barrrney's Barrr 93 Moxie Cap'm Caronch's Map Cap'm Caronch Quest Here are your steps:
  • Adventure in Barrrney's Barrr and you'll eventually get Cap'm Caronch's Map.
  • Use the map and fight a booty crab to get the nasty booty.
  • Bring the booty back to the Barrr, where the Cap'm will trade you for the blueprints.
  • Hey, remember all those times I said you might be able to pick things up for The Infiltrationist? Guess what? It's time for The Infiltrationist! You'll need to put together one of these three kits and use the blueprints to get the dentures:
  • Turn in the dentures, and then you'll get asked to play Insult Beer Pong (strategy on that page). Pong your way to victory and you unlock The F'c'le.
Cap'm Caronch's nasty booty
Orcish Frat House blueprints
Cap'm Caronch's dentures
The F'c'le 110 Moxie 1 ball polish Cap'm Caronch Quest Finally, adventure in The F'c'le until you get all three of these items to drop; use them all. Then one more adventure in The F'c'le will earn you your pirate fledges and unlock access to The Poop Deck. We won't be coming back there, though, until we have started the Quest for the Holy MacGuffin in earnest.
1 mizzenmast mop
1 rigging shampoo

Level 8: Mt. McLargeHuge Quest

Next up: a little recreational mountain climbing.

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
Itznotyerzitz Mine 68 Moxie 3 chunks of asbestos ore OR
3 chunks of chrome ore OR
3 chunks of linoleum ore
Mt. McLargeHuge Quest A visit to The Trapper's Cabin will let you know which ore is required for your run. You'll need to collect the Mining Gear if you want to do this step by hand, but the far easier route is 3 clovers, which will give you one of each ore each time you use one for a mine adventure.
The Goatlet 78 Moxie 3 wedges of goat cheese They only drop off of the dairy goat, so anything you can do to force those fights will help. Turn the cheese and ore back in at The Trapper's Cabin to unlock the next two zones.
THEN, EITHER...
The eXtreme Slope 85 Moxie 1 eXtreme mittens Mt. McLargeHuge Quest Your next step is getting to the top of The Mist-Shrouded Peak, which requires 5 Cold Resistance. If you get all three parts of the eXtreme Cold-Weather Gear here, you can equip them and keep adventuring on the slope to get Discovering Your Extremity, which after a few non-combat adventures will unlock access to the Peak. As a nice bonus, the outfit supplies the 5 Cold Resistance you need to finish the quest.
1 eXtreme scarf
1 snowboarder pants
OR
Lair of the Ninja Snowmen 160 Moxie 1 ninja rope Mt. McLargeHuge Quest Alternatively, you could collect the three parts of the ninja gear for your inventory, but there are a few drawbacks - first, you need to wait for ninja snowman assassin fights, which can't be accelerated unless you have +combat%, and the assassins are heavy hitters. Further, even though getting the three parts will give you Peak access, you'll still need another way to get 5 Cold Resistance to adventure there.
1 ninja carabiner
1 ninja crampons

Once you have your 5 Cold Resistance and can access The Mist-Shrouded Peak, you've got 3 fights against panicking Knott Yeti and then you can take down Groar and return to The Trapper's Cabin.

Level 9: Orc Chasm Quest

For Level 9, smutty orcs and freaky peaks are in your future.

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
The Smut Orc Logging Camp 95 Moxie morningwood planks Orc Chasm Quest To cross the Chasm, you're going to need 30 total lumber (the planks) and 30 total fasteners (screws, joints, caulk). While they drop off of almost all enemies in the Camp, there are two much quicker ways to get the necessary supplies:
raging hardwood planks
weirdwood planks
long hard screws
messy butt joints
thick caulks
A-boo Peak 88 Moxie A-Boo clues Orc Chasm Quest Nothing is required to get through the Peaks of The Highlands - with nothing else, you can grind out each of them in 50 turns and call it a day. The Highlands is really a test of efficiency. The three peaks all let you get a number of different items that help on the other two; there's a good list of synergies on the quest page you should check out. An abridged (heh) discussion of the main ones:
  • Oil Peak: Using +ML to get your Monster Level up (table here) will allow you to fight harder monsters. You'll want to make sure you've got 12 bubblin' crudes to combine into the jar of oil, which will allow you to pass one of the four mysteries on Twin Peak. Path accordingly.
  • Twin Peak: Assuming you don't just burn down the hotel, you need four things for the mysteries here:
  • You only need one at a time, but the initiative comes last. Picking up rusty hedge trimmers here will allow you to jump straight to the mystery non-combat, saving time. And if you finish the quest instead of burning the place down, you pick up a gold wedding ring, which will give you 1 adventure a day at rollover.
  • A-boo Peak: Speed here is all about getting A-Boo clues and using them to run The Horror... (A-Boo Peak) as deep as you can. You get 2 A-Boo clues for each ten-leaf clover you spend here. To do that, you need to max HP, Cold Resistance, and Spooky Resistance as much as possible - meaning that you may want to make A-boo Peak the LAST stop on your path before the Naughty Sorceress Quest, when you're most likely to have the most of those things (as well as clovers and HP restorers to burn).
Oil Peak 95 Moxie 1 jar of oil
Twin Peak 104 Moxie pairs of rusty hedge trimmers
gold wedding ring

Level 10: Giant Trash Quest

(Also, The Hole in the Sky.)

Level 11: Quest for the Holy MacGuffin

Getting the Diary

Staffing Up

MacGuffin in the Desert

Level 12: Mysterious Island Quest

Level 13: Naughty Sorceress Quest

Final Preparations

Scaling the Tower

Old Checklist

NOTE: Items are currently being moved out of the old checklist below into the sections above. Data in the table below may not be accurate.

Location Safe Moxie Item Purpose Notes
Level 3
The Shore, Inc. N/A UV-resistant compass Quest for the Holy MacGuffin Requires 1 Shore Inc. Ship Trip Scrip, totalling 3 adventures and 500 Meat. Will accelerate exploration of the The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert by 100% if equipped.
Level 10
The Penultimate Fantasy Airship 127 Moxie 1 tissue Paper Immateria Giant Trash Quest  
1 tin Foil Immateria
1 gauze Immateria
1 plastic Wrap Immateria
1 S.O.C.K.
1 amulet of extreme plot significance Giant Trash Quest Unlocks access to Ground Floor
1 titanium assault umbrella
model airship Can be used to complete Giant Trash Quest
1 mohawk wig
1 metallic A Naughty Sorceress Quest  
The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky (Basement) 152 Moxie 1 heavy D Naughty Sorceress Quest  
The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky (Ground Floor) 152 Moxie 1 chaos butterfly McMillicancuddy's Farm Subquest Unlocks a quicker path
1 electric boning knife Naughty Sorceress Quest If not acquired when passing through the zone, do not backfarm for it until defeating the wall of meat
The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky (Top Floor) 152 Moxie steam-powered model rocketship Naughty Sorceress Quest  
The Hole in the Sky 175 Moxie 8 stars Naughty Sorceress Quest Need to make Richard's star key
7 lines
1 star chart
Level 11
The Black Market N/A 1 can of black paint Quest for the Holy MacGuffin Costs 1000 Meat
1 forged identification documents Quest for the Holy MacGuffin Costs 5000 Meat
1 Red Zeppelin ticket Costs 1 priceless diamond; Required to access The Red Zeppelin if going for Copperhead Charm (rampant)
The Shore, Inc. N/A 1 your father's MacGuffin diary  
Laboratory 52 Moxie 1 Mega Gem
Belowdecks 147 Moxie 2 snakehead charrrms
The Copperhead Club N/A Copperhead Charm Alternative to snakehead charrrms; Does not require you to do Cap'm Caronch Quest
priceless diamond
The Red Zeppelin N/A Copperhead Charm (rampant)
The Black Forest 140 Moxie 1 sunken eyes  
1 broken wings
1 black market map
1 beehive Naughty Sorceress Quest Insta-kills wall of skin
An Oasis 144 Moxie 1 stone rose Quest for the Holy MacGuffin  
1 drum machine
The Arid, Extra-Dry Desert 149 Moxie 15 worm-riding manual pages
Gnasir N/A 3 desert sightseeing pamphlets Quest for the Holy MacGuffin Trade in a can of black paint, stone rose or killing jar for 1 desert sightseeing pamphlet
worm-riding hooks Trade in 15 worm-riding manual pages to obtain, requires drum machine for desert exploration
The Palindome 162 Moxie 1 hard rock candy Quest for the Holy MacGuffin  
1 photograph of God
1 hard-boiled ostrich egg
1 ketchup hound
1 stunt nuts
1 Staff of Fats
The Hidden City 165 Moxie antique machete Quest for the Holy MacGuffin Defeats dense lianas without spending a turn when equipped
1 cracked stone sphere Quest for the Holy MacGuffin  
1 mossy stone sphere
1 rough stone sphere
1 smooth stone sphere
4 triangular stones
1 ancient amulet
1 book of matches Quest for the Holy MacGuffin Unlocks The Hidden Tavern, which sells Bowls of Scorpions to skip drunk pygmies and Cups of Cursed Punch for Thrice-Cursed; Also sells Fog Murderer, a good nightcap booze
Spookyraven Manor Wine Cellar 175 Moxie loosening powder Quest for the Holy MacGuffin Mortar-dissolving solution ingredients; Unlocks the Summoning Chamber
powdered castoreum
drain dissolver
triple-distilled turpentine
detartrated anhydrous sublicalc
triatomaceous dust
bottle of Chateau de Vinegar Alternative method to open the Summoning Chamber
blasting soda
1 Eye of Ed  
The Upper Chamber 177 Moxie 10 carved wooden wheels and/or tomb ratchets Quest for the Holy MacGuffin  
The Lower Chambers ~187 Moxie 1 ancient bronze token
1 ancient bomb
1 Holy MacGuffin
Level 12
Orcish Frat House (Verge of War) 182 Moxie 1 beer helmet Mysterious Island Quest You only need one outfit or the other; note that you can obtain the outfit by adventuring on the opposite site, receiving combat adventures
1 distressed denim pants
1 bejeweled pledge pin
The Hippy Camp (Verge of War) 182 Moxie 1 reinforced beaded headband
1 bullet-proof corduroys
1 round purple sunglasses
The Battlefield 217 Moxie 4 gauze garters or filthy poultices Naughty Sorceress Quest Useful to defeat your shadow; you can also buy these from your respective side's shop. Can be replaced by other high-end HP Restorers usable in combat.

Useful Semi-rare items

Some semi-rare items can prove very useful for completing certain quests. The table below lists a few such items.

Location Min. Stat Item Purpose
The Hidden Temple - Baa'baa'bu'ran Can drop 3 handfuls of stone wool for a speedy Hidden City unlock
Harem 20 Scented massage oil Defeating your shadow
The Valley of Rof L'm Fao 68 All components for 64735 scroll Completing the optional level 9 A Quest, LOL
The Castle in the Clouds in the Sky 95 Mick's IcyVapoHotness Inhaler Completing the Recover the Sisters' Meat level 12 sidequest
One of the 2 pre-war camps (hippy or frat) and the Cove 30 (45 for cove) 3 different potions: +100 to specific stat Aiding to defeat otherwise difficult bosses (except the sorceress of course)

Item Optimizations

Optional Quests and Items

  • Whether or not it's worthwhile to finish building the helpful but optional 31337 scroll instead of advancing to the (more stat-lucrative) Icy Peak or The Haunted Gallery depends on many factors: how easily you can survive battling there, your character's item drop skills, how many of the 3 parts you already have, whether or not there are other items you still would like in that area, and whether you have a spare zap that might convert useless scrolls into the ones you need. Accordingly, it's difficult to give a blanket recommendation for that item.
  • If you are born under a friendly Knoll sign and thus can quickly and quite cheaply obtain all the components of a meat engine as well as tires, completing the Bitchin' Meatcar Quest remains the best way of gaining access to the Desert Beach. Otherwise you might consider creating a pumpkin carriage (if you possess the relevant campground equipment) or purchasing a desert bus pass instead.
  • Getting a Meat Maid grants four extra adventures at rollover, then again for characters not born under a Knoll sign it is arguable whether it justifies the adventure cost of obtaining meat engine components, a frilly skirt and a maiden wig from Degrassi Knoll. The other two items you'll need, the disembodied brain and smart skull, are both drops that can take many turns to get normally (the brain being the much harder of the two). However, you can get each of them by using a clover in their respective areas. And if you've already completed the Cyrpt Quest, you can get both items at once by using a clover in the upgraded Cemetary. Adventurers on the Oxygenarian path can almost always justify building a maid, even if they have to stay in the Knoll a little longer, as those four extra turns per day really add up over a long run.
  • The Mysterious Island subquest items are not listed, as these should be self-evident for whichever subquests you choose to complete. Determining which subquests are beneficial to complete relies on many factors, including which side you are on, permed skills, etc. For more information, visit the Mysterious Island Quest page.
Ascension Strategy
Rankings: HC Skills - HC Familiars - HC IotMs
General: Class selection - Familiar usage - Semi-rares - Clovers
Paths: BHY - Fist - AoB - BI - ZS - AoJ - BIG! - KOLHS - CA2 - AoSP - SS - HR - Picky - Ed - Random - AoWoL - Source - NA - GN - LtA - L.A.R. - PF - G-Lover - DD
IotMs: Tomes - Faxing - Copying - YR - Garden - Correspondent - Workshed - Tea party - Florist