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Haiku combat
From TheKolWiki
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This page is in need of content
There are probably
more, now get to pokin', so
we can wrap her up.
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| Before you're ready
the fiend starts beating on you.
So much for sneaking.
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| The monster attacks
before you're even ready.
Dang, man. What a jerk!
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| "Hang on one second,"
you say, but <it> ignores you.
That trick never works.
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| You leap at your foe,
throwing caution to the wind,
and get the first strike.
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| You jump at your foe,
and strike before <it>'s ready.
Nice and sportsmanlike.
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| Before <it> sees you,
you're already attacking.
You're sneaky like that.
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Player Messages
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| You acquire something
at a serious discount
with your deft fingers.
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| Y'know that... uh... thing?
That thing you just tried to do?
Well, it didn't work.
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| Your attempt failed.
If at first you don't succeed,
maybe just give up?
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Successful Attack
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| Curiosity
dealt X damage to the cat.
Like you to your foe.
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| Frogs avert their eyes
as you strike for X damage
sissy little frogs.
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| Justice comes swiftly
courtesy of your weapon
you do X damage.
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| You do X damage
like a peaceful summer rain
that does X damage.
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| You deal X damage
with a thrust of your weapon.
Nearby, a loon honks.
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| A freezing wind blows
you coldcock this dumb monster
for XX damage.
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| Near a jonquil branch
you hit for XX damage.
Wait. What's a jonquil?
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| Misplaced platypus
watches you hit XX damage.
Man, that thing's sure lost.
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| Your weapon flashes
a flock of herons takes flight
you hit XX times
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| Monster's desire
not to get hit XX times
sorry, evil guy.
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| XXX damage
as the stars wheel overhead
monster vertigo.
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| A tricky riddle:
who did XXX damage?
The answer: you, stud!
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| Like cherry blossoms
your blows rain down on your foe.
XXX damage.
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| Question this answer:
Just did XXX damage.
You? (suck it, Trebek!)
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| You're the bus driver
so you take your foe to school:
XXX damage.
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| Your brutal attack
deals XXXX damage
to your hapless foe.
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| A sweet summer breeze
Wafts around you as you strike
XXXX times.
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| Flocks of cranes in flight
fleeing the scene where you caused
pain beyond measure.
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| Autumn leaves falling
sound nothing like your weapon
as it smacks your foe.
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| Wow, did you see that?
Did you count the damage done?
Well, neither did I.
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| Learn self-reliance
calculate your own damage
math is hard, young one.
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| Ripples in a pond
a flowing crimson river
blood drips from your foe.
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Misses
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| You throw some punches
great enthusiasm, but
low accuracy.
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| Casey at the bat,
and by "Casey" I mean "you."
A swing and a miss.
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| A vicious attack
as harrowing as it was
ineffectual.
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| The air is still still
despite your useless flailing.
(Your attack misses.)
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| You swing your weapon
and hit nothing but the air.
Did the air hurt you?
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| That was quite a hit!
True, palpable, CRITICAL!
(Constructively so.)
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These messages are followed by a "Receiving Damage" message.
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| A gentle spring breeze
is wafted by your weapon
as it hits the floor.
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| Hey, pay attention!
What just got the drop on you?
Oh. Your weapon did.
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| Winter icicles
easily slip through your grasp
much like your weapon.
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| You trip and autumn
which is a lot like falling
only it hurts more.
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Receiving Damage
| Bamboo leaves rustle,
your blood falls like gentle rain.
You lose X hp.
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| The cherry blossoms
are as pink as your hit points,
X of which you lose.
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| Birds can fly away
avoiding XX damage.
You are not a bird.
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| The blood flows like wine --
XX points' worth of wine --
from your many wounds.
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| You feel like a worm.
A worm who was just stepped on
by XX big feet.
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| The blood flows like wine
(XXX points' worth of wine)
from your many wounds.
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| XXX hit points
used to be in your bloodstream.
Now they're on the ground.
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| You got beat so hard
that I had to look away.
Seek medical help.
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| You lose some HP --
Far, far too many to count.
My condolences.
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Unsuccessfully Using a Skill
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| This is frustrating --
you can't use that skill right now.
You kick a pebble.
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Dealing Damage via a Skill
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| You use your mad skills,
lay the smack down on your foe:
you did X damage.
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| You do X damage
as the harvest moon rises.
Skilled adventurer!
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| You've got some mad skills,
one of which you have just used
to deal X damage.
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| Marketable skills?
Not so much, but useful for
dealing X damage.
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| A nearby frog croaks,
your foe takes XX damage
at your skillful hands.
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| You use that one skill
you know, that one skill you have?
XX damage, yo.
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| A skillful attack
while the koi sleep in their pond
does XX damage.
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| The sound of your skill
echoes off a canyon wall.
XXX damage...
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| You show to your foe
you're skilled in the ways of PAIN:
XXX damage.
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| By a limpid pool
you deal XXX damage
using your mad skills.
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| Like a skillful frog
you do XXX damage.
Wait, a skillful frog?
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| By using a skill,
you deal a lot of damage.
How much? A whole bunch.
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Dealing Damage via a Spell
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| Punching's for suckers.
You work up a spell instead
it does X damage.
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| You work up a spell
It's magic'lly malicious
doing X damage.
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| You decide to do
some prestidigitation
dealing X damage.
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| Your arcane magic
deals X damage to your foe
beneath the spring moon.
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| Mighty magician
can you spell XX damage?
I knew that you could.
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| For XX damage,
you eff the ineffable.
That was effin' great!
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| For XX damage,
you scrute the inscrutable.
Now your foe is screwed.
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| Your powerful spell
blasts your hapless opponent
for XX damage.
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| Mystic forces swell
like a stream after the rain
XX damage flows.
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| Lotus blossoms bloom
as the spell you just cast does
XXX damage.
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| Inscrutable koi
are not as mystic as you.
XXX damage.
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| A blast of magic
about XXX points big
from you to your foe.
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| XXX damage
from the mighty spell you cast:
abracadabra.
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| You recite a spell
XXX damage bursts forth
wow, that looked painful.
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| A blast of magic
about XXX points big
from you to your foe.
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| That was quite a spell!
It did a bunch of damage!
More than you could count!
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| Vicious spell attack
hope I'm on your good side, man
you're smart and funny.
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| Infinite damage
from the spell that you just cast.
That was brutal, man.
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| Birds drop from the sky.
Your spell did so much damage
they forgot to fly.
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| Your pupils go black
mass prestidigitation:
infinite carnage.
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| The moons shine above
as you cast yourself a spell.
Magic, man... Magic.
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| You jiggle a stick
and assorted things happen.
Just like summer camp.
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| Brief pleasures of spring
May flies when you're having fun.
Swarms arrive, leave. Poof!
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| Like a soft spring breeze,
a swarm of mayflies buzz in,
do something, then leave.
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Other Successful Skill Usage
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| You act skillfully
and in acting skillfully
accomplish something.
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| You enlist some aid
from a powerful ally.
Powerful tasty.
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Items with No Effect
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| Leaping to action,
you do some stuff with a thing.
It's a lot of fun.
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| You use an item
to some inscrutable end.
Hope that worked for you.
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Dealing Damage via Combat Items
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| You sling an item
like a mighty summer storm
dealing X damage.
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| You whip out a thing
no, not that thing, you pervert.
It deals X damage.
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| Like a killing frost
that deals XX damage points:
a combat item.
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| That thing you just threw
just hit for XX damage.
Yay, combat item!
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| XXX damage
that's a lot of mayhem dealt
go, combat items!
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| You sling an item
which deals XXX damage:
delicious mayhem.
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| So much carnage dealt
by the item you just threw.
I just couldn't watch.
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| Sorry, I can't say
How hard your item just hit.
Blame my coffee break.
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| I don't hear so well.
Did your foe ask for more pain?
I'll assume they did.
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HP Gain
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| Your wounds fly away
on a refreshing spring breeze.
You gain X hit points..
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| When XX hit points
are restored to your body,
you make an "ahhhhhhhh" sound.
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| You're feeling better --
XXX hit points better --
than you were before.
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| You gain some hit points,
but even the wisest sage
knows not how many.
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MP Gain
| You feel quite refreshed,
like a frog drinking soda,
gaining X MP.
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| A contented belch.
Ripples in a mystic pond.
You gain X MP.
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| Like that wimp Dexter,
you have become ENERGIZED,
with XX MP.
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| XX magic points
fall upon you like spring rain.
Mana from heaven.
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| Spring rain falls within
metaphorically, I mean.
XXX mp.
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| XXX MP.
Like that sports drink commercial --
is it in you? Yes.
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| Cold, clear winter night
can you number all the stars?
you gain much mp.
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| Like sand on a beach
the mp you just garnered
cannot be counted.
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Successfully
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| Your burps taste like pride,
'cause that's what you just swallowed,
as you ran away.
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| You beat a retreat,
marching to the eat of a
cowardly drummer.
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Unsuccessfully
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| Sweet, lovely freedom,
like the highest-hanging fruit,
is beyond your grasp.
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| You try to retreat,
but your legs are not as strong
as your cowardice.
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| You make like a tree
but it is a winter tree
so you do not leave.
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| Your familiar grins
smiles are lousy umbrellas
but good for the soul.
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| Your familiar smiles,
you feel a big surge of pride.
You take a quick bow.
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| You take a breather.
Your familiar smiles at you.
High-five, little friend!
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| Victory is yours!
Your familiar broadly grins
filling you with hope.
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| Sanguine, serene smile
Life is better than it seems
thank you, familiar.
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| Your familiar winks,
making you feel wealthier.
The Meat helps, too.
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| You wish you had Meat.
Your familiar blinks one eye.
Oo, wish for ponies.
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| Your familiar winks
Meat don't grow on trees, you know
it's there on the ground.
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| When the dust settles
your familiar blinks at you
but forgets one eye.
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| Winking familiar
more Meat for you from this fight.
Coincidence? No.
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| Your comrade dances,
helping you find stuff... somehow?
We don't make the rules.
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| After the battle,
your familiar dances 'round,
helping you find stuff.
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| Lotus blossoms bloom
Your familiar busts a move.
Hey, look, items!
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| Like a bumblebee
your familiar does a dance
pointing out more loot.
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| Dancing familiar
looks ridiculous, it's true
but you find more stuff.
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Deleveling
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| Your familiar sucks,
which is a good thing for you,
but bad for monsters.
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| Your pet joins the fray
slowing your enemy down
Right on, little guy!
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| Your pet latches on
sucking your foe's will to live.
Lotus blossoms fall.
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| Tiny familiar
judge it by its size, do you?
It slows down your foe.
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| A startled heron
cranes its neck to see your friend
hit for %dmg damage.
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| Crickets loudly chirp,
Your pet throws down X damage
Wow! By Jiminy!
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| Wind through the bamboo
From the punches your pet throws
doing X damage.
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| Your little buddy
deals X damage to your foe.
Friendship is awesome.
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| Your girlfriend was wrong:
Your pet hits for X damage.
Size doesn't matter.
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| Friends with benefits:
your pet hits for X damage.
Wha'd you think I meant?
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| A warm summer rain
of X blows falls on your foe,
thanks to your buddy.
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| Generous buddy
shares XX blows with your foe.
How magnanimous!
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| You can't bear too look
as your pet leaps in the fray.
You hear XX SMACKS.
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| Oblivious frogs
don't see your familiar hit
for XX damage.
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| Placid, tranquil pond
Contrasts starkly with your pet,
which hits XX times.
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| Sometimes love can hurt
your pet clearly loves your foe
XX different ways.
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| Bloodthirsty midget
your familiar swiftly strikes
for XX damage.
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| You abhor vi'lence
but your buddy disagrees
striking XX times.
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| Your familiar hits,
inflicting XX damage.
Nice work, little guy!
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| Wars not make one great
but your pet's XX damage
sure isn't half bad.
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| Twilight silence falls
Your pet does XX damage.
Violent little guy.
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| XXX damage
that's how hard your pet just hit.
Such great loyalty!
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| Irrelevant koi
swim nearby as your pet deals
XXX damage.
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| Faithful companion
hits for XXX damage.
Make sure you say thanks.
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| You care for your pet
loyalty rewarded with
XXX damage.
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| Your little buddy
inflicts XXX damage
Friendship is awesome.
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| Before you can blink
Your familiar swiftly throws
XXX punches.
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| Lotus blossoms bloom
your pet hits XXX times
handy little guy.
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| Wow, did you just see
how much damage your friend did?
Well, neither did I.
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| Contemptuous foe
underestimates your pet
and gets beaten down.
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| Your little buddy
inflicts a lot of damage.
Way too much to count.
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| Stars in the night sky
too many to be counted
like your pet's attack.
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| You can't bear to look
As your buddy joins the fight
that sounded painful.
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General
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| Aw, that was so cute!
I wish you had just seen what
your buddy just did.
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| Mysterious friend
what did your familiar do?
Meditate on that.
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| While you're not looking,
your familiar does something.
Wonder what it was.
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| Your familiar acts,
but you don't see what it does.
I'm sure it was cute.
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| Your familiar strikes
just like a tiny ninja
(you missed what it did).
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| From that vicious fight
your familiar gains a pound.
Vi'lence is its food.
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| Your little buddy
is now slightly less little,
having gained a pound.
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| From the exercise
your familiar puts on weight.
But it's all muscle.
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| Your pet's gaining weight
best that you not mention it
for its self-esteem.
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| Your pet gains a pound
perhaps you should say something:
"lay off the twinkies."
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| Your pet gains a pound.
Now there's more of it to love.
Just don't tell it that.
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Enemy messages
Introduction Text
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| Spring is for lovers,
but autumn is for fighting.
You see a leaf fall.
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| You are in combat,
but you probably knew that.
Sorry to bug you.
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| Like a fierce cobra
fighting a deadly mongoose,
you're fighting this thing.
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Entering Combat
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| Monsters step to you
what was that about your mom?
Time to regulate.
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| Fighting solves nothing,
but you really must admit
it helps pass the time.
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| A fiendish monster
isn't always a bad thing.
This one, though? It is.
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| Hey, look, a monster!
Get medieval on its ass
or post-Renaissance.
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| Like a serene pond
you're not looking for a fight.
Sadly, one found you.
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Miss Messages
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| Your foe misses you
like your mother, wondering
"Why doesn't he write?"
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| Your foe's last attack
was like spitting in the sea:
ineffectual.
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| It lunges at you,
but ah, Zeno's paradox.
It never makes it.
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| A gentle zephyr
caresses your tranquil face,
from your foe's missed blow.
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| Tranquil summer nights
much like his attack attempts
do not hurt at all.
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| An enraged monster
throws a series of wild blows,
inaccurately.
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| He tries to bite you,
but due to your fast footwork,
bites only thin air.
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| Spring near a still pond
is somewhat like this moment:
Neither one hurts you.
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Special Attacks
| Your foe must have sleeves,
because there were tricks up them.
Painful, nasty tricks.
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| Your powerful foe
does something unusual
and no doubt harmful.
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Dealing Passive or Counter-Attack Damage
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| You take some damage.
In case it was to your ears:
YOU TAKE SOME DAMAGE.
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Enemy Is Stunned (except for Disco Blindness, which gives no message)
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| The monster is stunned
by your panache, your good looks,
and some other thing.
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End of Combat
Losing the Fight
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| What's with all this blood?
No really, whose blood is this?
Oh, dammit -- it's yours.
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| Your face hits the floor
and you comprehend the truth:
You just lost. Loser.
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| Meditate on loss,
because that's what just happened.
Hope you learned something.
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Winning the Fight
| With your final blow,
you deliver the smackdown.
Sweet, sweet victory.
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| You're victorious,
so your name must be Victor.
To you go the spoils.
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| Your foe hits the floor
like a bag full of wet sand.
It looks like you've won!
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| You did your best, friend.
Losers whine about their best
but you're no loser!
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| Know what time it is?
Time for a victory dance!
A winner is you!
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Gaining Substats
| Biceps, triceps, abs,
combat's quite a workout, huh?
You gain X muscle.
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| You work up a sweat,
gain X muscle from the fight.
Sweet! Now go shower.
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| Gentle reeds must bend
but you're mightier than that.
You gain X muscle.
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| You're feeling stronger,
having gained X Beefiness.
Mighty mighty you.
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| XX muscle gained.
You flex your brawny biceps.
Time for the gun show.
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| Do you know a vet?
Because these puppies are sick.
You gain XX brawn.
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| Your muscles tingle,
some muscles more than others.
You get XX brawn.
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| All will fear your might.
XX muscularity
fills your mighty bod.
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| XXX muscle:
someone needs to call a vet.
These pythons are sick.
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| Like the mighty oak
you stand strong before the gale:
XXX muscle.
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| Time for the gun show
with your XXXX brawn
you've got your ticket.
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| XXXX brawn:
No one will step to you now.
Flex those wicked pecs.
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| You feel the burn
as your muscles get stronger.
You grunt like an ape.
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| You aching muscles
are evidence of your growth.
No pain, no gain, bra.
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Gaining a Muscle Point
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| Flex that bicep! Yeah!
You just gained a Muscle point.
You're the man now, dog.
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| You been workin' out?
'Cause you're lookin' pretty buff!
(Your Muscle went up.)
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| Your rippling muscles
strike fear into enemies.
Stat gain for the win.
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| Nothing up your sleeve
X magic in your brainpan.
Abracadabra.
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| Delicious magic
Your hungry brain scarfs it down.
Yum! It tastes like X!
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| Stars wheel above you.
Ancient wisdom fills your brain.
You gain X magic!
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| You gain X magic.
Pull a rabbit from a hat?
Nah, that's too cliche.
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| Relax post-combat
contemplate the infinite
gain XX wisdom.
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| Swirling cosmic rays
penetrate you XX times
then they never call.
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| XXX magic
enters into your third eye.
Man, that kind of stings.
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| Mystic forces swell
XXX points fill your brain.
Hocus pocus, yo.
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| XXXX points?
That's a lot of magic, dude.
Gather it all up.
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| Wow, did you just gain
XXXX magic points?
Yup, you really did.
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| Magic lolhaiku:
My XXXX new points
let me show you them.
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| Want some magic, kid?
First XXXX are free.
The rest will cost you.
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| You feel much smarter
as a result of the fight.
See? Learning is fun!
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| You pause, meditate,
considering the battle.
You really kicked ass!
|
|
|
|
| Mysticality.
For you, it has just increased.
Abracadabra!
|
|
|
|
| The planets aligned,
your Mysticality rose.
By an entire point!
|
|
Gaining Moxie Substats
| Extend both thumbs.
Who just got X more Moxie?
You assert: this guy!
|
|
|
| Tranquil zen gardens
look uptight next to your cool
you get X more Smarm.
|
|
|
| Like a winter breeze,
keeping your cool in battle,
you gain X Chutzpah.
|
|
|
| A refreshing pond
Is still not as cool as you
you gain X Moxie.
|
|
|
| Blazing autumn leaves
are not as awesome as you.
Gain XX moxie.
|
|
|
| You've got more Chutzpah.
XX more, to be exact.
You high-five yourself.
|
|
|
| Your friends gaze in awe.
Your new XXX moxie
turns them springtime green.
|
|
|
| Post-battle strutting
nets you XXX Chutzpah.
Stylish and deadly.
|
|
|
| Wow, how cool are you?
Spring breeze cool. To be precise:
XXXX cool.
|
|
|
| Post-battle strutting
nets you XXXX Smarm.
Stylish and deadly.
|
|
|
| You strut your stuff, 'cause
no matter what your mom said,
fighting makes you cool.
|
|
|
| Having coldcocked him,
now you're the cock of the walk.
Just don't get cocky.
|
|
Gaining a Moxie Point
|
| Here's some welcome news:
You just gained a Moxie point!
Go get 'em, tiger!
|
|
|
|
| You're as smooth as silk,
as cool as a popsicle.
Your Moxie went up!
|
|
Leveling Up
|
| Congratulations!
You've gained an entire level!
That's pretty awesome!
|
|
|
|
| Your power, it grows
stronger than ever before.
You've gained a level!
|
|
|
|
|
| Holy freakin' cow!
You beat that hobo down good!
(Good for you, not him.)
|
|
|
| What's this on the ground?
You have discovered X Meat.
Time to go shopping!
|
|
|
| You acquire X Meat.
That was easy, wasn't it?
Like Sunday mornin'.
|
|
|
| Are you feeling poor?
Do you wish you had X Meat?
Your wish is granted!
|
|
|
| If meat grows on trees,
then it must be autumn now:
you gain XX meat.
|
|
|
| You find XX Meat
just lying there on the ground.
Wow! What are the odds!?
|
|
|
| You find XX Meat,
and decide you will keep it.
Capitalism!
|
|
|
| The harvest moon glows
you can see XXX Meat
ripe for the picking.
|
|
|
| On the nearby ground
you can see XXX Meat.
Score! You pick it up.
|
|
|
| XXXX Meat
lies on the ground before you.
Sweet! You pocket it.
|
|
|
| XXXX Meat
does not grow on trees, you know.
It lies on the ground.
|
|
|
| Blessed currency!
You find some Meat and increase
your buying power.
|
|
|
| You gain so much meat.
Know what's totally awesome?
Capitalism!
|
|
Item Drops
|
| Cranes frozen in flight
time seems to stand still for you
As you spy a X.
|
|
|
| By the harvest moon
you can spy a gleaming X.
You hork it and jet.
|
|
|
| Hey, look, it's a X!
Just like grandma used to make.
Gaffle it right now.
|
|
|
| By a lotus plant
You see a nifty XX.
You grab it and go.
|
|
|
| Wind through the bamboo
whispers, "here, have a XX."
You do not argue.
|
|
|
| Hey, want a XX?
Feel the greed within you rise
come to the dark side.
|
|
|
| Loot falls like spring rain,
keen eyes spy a XXX.
Yoink! Now it is yours.
|
|
|
| Can't get what you want,
unless it's an XXX.
Serendipity!
|
|
|
|
| A XXXX
is now yours for the taking.
As such, you take it.
|
|
|
| You find an item.
A XXXX, in fact.
A looter is you!
|
|
|
|
| XXXXX
was once your foe's, is now yours.
Beaters-up, keepers.
|
|
|
| Near you on the ground
is a XXXXX.
You hork it and jet.
|
|
|
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