Gritty pirate
From TheKolWiki
 You're fighting a gritty pirateMan, this is one gritty pirate. He's grittier than Clint Eastwood doing a sandpaper commercial. Grittier than a film noir movie about a coral reef. He's simply bursting with grits. Hominy? No one can say. It's impossible to count them.
Hit Message(s):
He growls at you with his gritty voice. Your feelings get hurt. Ugh! Ow! Ooh!
He sells you a subscription to grit magazine. You slap yourself for being gullible. Ow! Ow! Ugh! Oof!
He slaps you with one gritty palm. You get a quick and unneccesarily deep exfoliation. Eek! Ugh! Argh!
He splashes you with a boiling-hot pan full of grits. Ugh! Oof! Ouch! (hot damage)
Critical Hit Message:
He growls, "do you feel lucky, punk?" Then he hits you upside the <arse> and downside the other side of your <arse> before you can tell him that you're not feeling particularly lucky at all.
Eek! Oof! Argh! Eek! Ow!
Miss Message(s):
He growls at you with his gritty voice, but his words will never hurt you.
He tries to sell you a subscription to grit magazine, but you beg off.
He tries to slap you with one gritty hand, but you tell him to talk to your hand.
He tries to splash you with boiling-hot grits, but you eat them before they can hurt you.
Fumble Message:
He runs toward you, but the friction of his legs rubbing together starts a small crotch-fire that he has to extinguish before he can attack.
 | You gain 84-124 Meat. |
Occurs at Belowdecks.
References
- The "Hominy?" plays on the phonetic similarity between "hominy grits" and "how many grits", a joke also made in Larry Shue's play The Foreigner.
- Grit was a newspaper/magazine founded in 1882 and in comic book ads, encouraged children to sell subscriptions to Grit.
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