|Monster Parts||head, arm, leg, torso|
As you shield your eyes from the glare, you can make out the form of a pirate in a gold lamé vest, covered in sequins and spangles. He certainly looks farrrbulous, and what with all the shiny trinkets he's wearing, you can tell he's got a real flair for piracy. I mean, pirates are only required to wear a few pieces of flair, but extra flair shows extra dedication.
He does a high-kicking, show-girl dance. Unfortunately, he's standing way too close to you, and keeps kicking you in the chin. Ooh! Ow! Ouch!
He smacks you with a ring-encrusted hand. Eek! Ugh! Ouch!
He blinds you with the gleam from his gold lamé vest. His purple toupee doesn't help much, either. Ooh! Eek! Argh!
He steps close to you and twirls around. The spangles, bangles, and beads on his bandanna act like a cat-o'-nine-tails. Ouch! Oof! Ouch!
He shows you a model building he's designed. It looks like a cake in a microwave -- all bulges and weirdness, with no right angles. When you criticize the model, he breaks it over your head. Ouch! Ooh! Ouch! Ugh! Ooh!
He does a high-kicking, show-girl dance. It's pretty entertaining.
He tries to smack you with his ring-hand, but you'll have none of that.
His gold lamé, combined with his purple toupee, turn your green around. It doesn't hurt much.
He stops attacking for a second to do a little dance. Thankfully, he doesn't follow that up with making a little love.
He shows you the plans he's drawn up for a new barrr in the Pirate's Cove. It looks like four giant, half-eaten corn-on-the-cob ears standing on end. You make fun of the design until he starts crying. (FUMBLE!)
|You gain 87-129 Meat (average: 108, stdev: 8.97)*|
|You acquire an item: enormous hoop earring (10.6% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: costume sword (5.6% chance)*|
|You acquire an item: gold lamé pants (5.3% chance)*|
- Without a Talisman o' Namsilat in your inventory.
|You acquire an item: gaudy key (100% chance)*|
|You gain 35 <substat>.|
Occurs at Belowdecks.
- When you use the golden ring on him, you get this message:
|You gain 500 Meat|
- Formerly dropped snakehead charrrms. The drop was replaced by the gaudy key in a trivial update on December 15th, 2010, to prevent faxploitation. You can still get the keys by fighting copies of the gaudy pirates, which will save some time by not having to deal with the various other pirates Belowdecks, but the gaudy keys can only be used if you currently have access to Belowdecks, so you can't skip all of the prerequisite quests.
- The part of the description about flair is a reference to the film Office Space.
- The line "Do a little dance, Make a little love" comes from the song "Get Down Tonight" by KC and the Sunshine Band.
- The messages mentioning gold lamé and a purple toupee refer to the They Might Be Giants song Purple Toupee.
- The "half-eaten corn ears" of the fumble message are a reference to the unusual style of La Sagrada Família, a basilica designed by Spanish architect Antoni Gaudí.
- The critical hit message likely refers to the Casa Batlló, also designed by Antoni Gaudí.