Flange (monster)

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Flange
Monster ID 538
Locations The Hole in the Sky
Hit Points 150
Attack 159
Defense 143
No-Hit 169
Initiative 70
Meat None
Phylum constellation
Elements sleaze
Resistance None
Monster Parts aperture, face, star
Drops
line, line, star
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
Flange You're fighting The Flange

This is the flange, a dangerous constellation situated near the wah-wah nebula. Well, that's where it's usually situated. Now it's situated all up in your grill, so you'd better get ready for a fight.

Hit Message(s):

It forces your hand into one of the smaller holes on either side of the main..er...aperture. It's a tight fit. Argh! Eek! Oof! Oof! (sleaze damage)

It flanges you in the <ear>. Ooh! Ouch! Eek! Ugh!

It puts your round head into one of its square holes. Yup, that proverb was right on the money. Ow! Ugh! Ouch! Ugh! Eek! Eek!

It smacks you with one of its stars. Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire! Oof! Ugh! Eek! Ouch! (hot damage)

Critical Hit Message:

It's suddenly joined by a samoflange, a cog, a sprocket, and a spring. They form some kind of machine -- it's definitely not a machine of loving grace, given the way it thoroughly trounces you. Ouch! Argh! Argh! Ugh!

Miss Message(s):

It tries to force your hand into one of its apertures, but you refuse.

It tries to flange you in the <shoulder>, but you dodge.

It tries to put your round head into one of its square holes, but of course it doesn't fit.

It tries to smack you with one of its stars, but you were just thinking about the flange, and thinking you should dodge.

Fumble Message:

It starts to attack again, but stops. A voice mumbles from deep within it -- "what am I? I'm a flange. How would a flange attack someone? Oh no, look out for the flange! I mean, seriously." (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Star.gifYou acquire an item: star (30% chance)*
Line.gifYou acquire an item: line (30% chance)*
Line.gifYou acquire an item: line (30% chance)*
You gain 39.75 <substat>.

Occurs at The Hole in the Sky.

References

  • The name of this monster, like that of the Axe Wound, is a term for female genitalia featured in the "Hedgehogs" song and web animation created by Joel Veitch on his website rathergood.com. The song features the lyrics "Woah baby I'm thinking about your flange." Jick has played this song several times on his radio shows.
  • A flanger and a wah-wah are two different kinds of guitar effects pedals.
  • The mention of a machine of loving grace is either a reference to the Richard Brautigan poem All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace or the band named after it.
  • Mention of a "Samoflange" in the critical hit message is most likely a reference to a Thundercats outtake featuring a query about the existence of such a thing.