Dyspepsi-Cola General
From TheKolWiki
 You're fighting a Dyspepsi-Cola GeneralThis guy is the strangest general you've ever seen. He dances back and forth upon the battle field, making inspirational speeches in a high-pitched voice. For some reason, he keeps grabbing his crotch every time his army cheers. One thing's for sure -- you don't want to shake hands with this guy.
Hit Message(s):
He whips off his f3d0r4-shaped helmet and throws it at you. It appears to have razor-sharp fragments of soda can around the rim. And in your <nipple>. Oof! Ooh!
He smacks you with his gauntleted hand. Hey, why is he only wearing one gauntlet, anyway? Eek! Argh!
He jumps up on his tiptoes and kicks you in the head. Ow! Eek! Eek!
Critical Hit Message:
He screams, grabs his crotch, and turns into a puma. That's right, you heard me. He turns into a puma. Then the puma bites you on the <nipple>. Ow! Eek! Ouch!
Miss Message(s):
He whips off his f3ed0r4-shaped helmet and throws it at you, but the wind blows it off course.
He starts charging toward you, but for some reason gets farther away even though he's walking forward.
He starts to smack you, but a flaming arrow passes overhead and lights his hair on fire!
Fumble Message:
He marches toward you, knife at the ready, but his nose falls off for some reason, and he has to crawl around trying to find it.
Occurs at A Battlefield (in Cloaca-Cola Uniform).
References
- The general is a reference to pop musician (no pun intended!) Michael Jackson, who did Pepsi commercials in the 1980s.
- The critical attack message "He screams, grabs his crotch, and turns into a puma." message refers to the "Black or White" music video by Michael Jackson.
- One of the missed attack messages references the time that Michael Jackson's hair caught on fire during the filming of a Pepsi commercial.
- The missed attack message "He starts charging toward you, but for some reason gets farther away even though he's walking forward." refers to the moonwalk, a dance where one slides backwards while they appear to be walking forwards. This was a signature move of Michael Jackson.
- The fumble message where his nose falls off is a reference to Michael Jackson's multiple rhinoplasties.
- Dyspepsi-Cola is a reference to Pepsi Cola
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