|Don Pygoscelis (#176862)
the Level 11 NPC
Don Pygoscelis (#176862) was first introduced to take meat from people who abused infinite meat bugs during Black Sunday (even if the meat was transferred, Don detected anyone with big amounts of meat, and removed a part of it). Dense meat stacks were also targeted.
Don chatted often on the villa channel, and sold 'Villa' documents at 200 million, but only to people that were already in villa. He created the clan named "The Don's Family", which required you to pay meat in-order to enter it, and was run by Don and his family/friends.
During Crimbo 2008, Uncle Crimbo passed control of the holiday over to Don Pygoscelis and the Penguin Mafia for taking care of The Crimbomination. Don Pygoscelis donned Uncle Crimbo's magical Crimbo hat, and became Don Crimbo.
For Crimbo 2009, he ran a Crimbo Fundraising Drive headquartered at Uncle P's Antiques, before moving to his Crimbo Compound in Crimbo Town. When he realized Crimbo would be unprofitable no matter how he ran it, he dropped the Crimbo Hat to the ground and returned to his "legitimate businesses".
On December 4, 2010, the Don updated his profile with the following message:
- Rejoice great and small, rich and poor, proud and humble adventurers! The Grim Grimacite mining site has returned to its pristine natural habitat. Although you have all broken my heart, I have healed and hope that all of your bones have mended through the KoL year as well.
- As a gesture of friendship, send me any tainted mutant candy you may have, and I shall send back a cleaned up candy of the same type for you. Please allow 7-8 days for turnaround.
When mutated versions of the original Crimbo foods were sent, the Don would return their normal counterparts, and sometimes (when 200 food items were sent) a tiny plastic Don Crimbo, with a message reading:
- Hello my fledgling,
- I indeed appreciate your services to me. Thank you for your offers to promote the avian agenda and I will count on you this crimbo for our eventual journey to the mountains of jewels and rivers of herringcello.
- These tainted candies will be very useful...er, useful to clean up! Meanwhile please accept these replacements.
- Let the season of profits begin!
- -M. Pygoscelis"
On December 11, 2010, the Don's quote changed to:
- I see that once again my wish to help the adventurers of Loathing have been met with unkind hearts. I am not sending out meat for irradiated Crimbo goodies, I am only doing my duty by collecting and disposing the tainted goodies for the health of all!
- If you wish to "donate" to my endeavors, I thank you. However, I will offer no more compensation.
On December 12, 2010, the Don's quote changed to:
- My storytime begins at 11PM GMT / 6PM EST / 3PM PST this Sunday. Today!
On December 13, 2010, the Don's quote changed to:
- I am currently away from my villa, on a long trip. A very long trip.
- The tainted candy for good candy offer has come to an end. Please do not send me any more Crimbo items. I do not offer monetary/meat compensation. Do not trust the KoLwiki...or if you do...you will only lose...your items.
Sometime later that month, the Don's quote changed to:
- I am currently away from my villa, on a long trip. A very long trip.
- The tainted candy for good candy offer has come to an end. Please do not send me any more Crimbo items. I do not offer monetary/meat compensation. You will only lose...your items.
On November 12, 2011, the Don's profile changed again. His profile image changed from the usual penguin to the default Accordion Thief image. The Don became a member of a new clan called "ADX Loathing", which was founded by a Seal Clubber named Prison Guard (#2293475). The Don also had an appropriately nicknamed Penguin Goodfella familiar called "Cell mate" equipped. The Don's mafia-run mall store, "A completely legitimate place of business", stopped selling any items, but Uncle P's Antiques was unaffected by the Don's apparent incarceration. The quote on the Don's profile changed to:
- Visitation hours will be announced.
On November 15, 2011, the Don's quote changed to:
- Visitation hours for prisoner #37 will begin November 23, 2011.
On December 10, 2012, a few hours after rollover, the Don sent the following KMail to select players:
- Greetings, my dear villains! As you may remember, I have spent the past year searching for Jewel Mountain. During my travels, I saw things--some which are amazing and some which are...best to be forgotten. However, as I was camping in an unexplored part on the other side of Mt. Mclargehuge, I met up with a chihuahua in a tattered cape. This tiny crusader alerted me to a disturbing fact: that life as we know it may end, and in a mere week!
- The end of his tale wagged with warning- we must plant the seed of a Phoenix, or the World shall be destroyed without rebirth! As I tried to digest this information, along with my yeti-burger, I stopped by the sea. It was there that the octopus and his spade alerted me to the wonders of plants in this kingdom! From his bubbly information I gleaned the fact that *any* seed can be converted to a monster. It all depends on combining just the right amount of nutrients... and a simple virus. To this end, I intend to find the best virus to use, to quickly repopulate our Kingdom should the World find itself... devoid.
- My first thought is of those pesky rabbits, who seem to multiply like crazy in the Dire Warren. Your help, Adventurer, is requested... though never required. Should you bring me back 3 livers (in any form) from those rabbits, there is a chance you may encounter some...riches in the future. Liver let live, villains!
On December 21, 2012, the Don responded to those who sent livers with the following message, along with a candy cane and gingerbread mutant bugbear (some players received a fat stacks of cash in place of the candy cane, plus a good deal of Meat):
- My dear associate!
- Thank you for your donations, I have isolated several strains of promising viruses, but much like the cure for cancer, I have discovered...um, additional incomes from *searching* for the cure rather than actually *finding* one. Such is the price for perfection and a Nature Medicine publication!
- "As for the end of the world, it would appear that the Kingdom has been born anew, without any help from the adventurers--which is clearly an insult to our diligent work to tame and subdue it! I encourage you to continue the bashing of yetis and if you ever find that chihuahua, you would not be unrewarded if he were...brought to my villa.
- Ah, I suppose that life as we know it ends every day, and begins anew with the next day. This is particularly true during the Crimbo season, where every day brings new adventures and elves to crush!
- Don Pygoscelis
On the very same day, the Don's quote changed to:
- I am no longer taking liver donations! Thank you for your help, Adventurers!
- According to the Don's profile, he is an Accordion Thief.
- The Don is currently the leader of the clan "Cosa Nostra".
- Pygoscelis is a genus of penguins.
- The name of the clan "ADX Loathing" is a reference to the supermax prison ADX Florence.