Curmudgeonly pirate
From TheKolWiki
 You're fighting a curmudgeonly pirateThis pirate wants you to get off of his lawn, even though there isn't a lawn on the ship, as far as you can see. He's also not fond of the hippity-hoppity music you kids today are listening to, and wishes to remind you that when he was your age, he knew how to respect his elders.
He's the ship's janitor, so he spends most of the day leaning on a mop and saying "back in my day," to anyone who will listen.
Hit Message(s):
He calls you a whippersnapper, then snaps a whip at you. Ugh! Ooh! Ooh!
He smacks you with his curmudgel. Eek! Ouch! Ouch!
He bites you with his false teeth. You feel real pain. Ouch! Eek! Eek!
He smacks you with his mop handle. If only he'd used the moptop instead - at least you'd feel more musical. Oof! Argh! Oof!
Critical Hit Message:
He rips open his shirt to reveal rippling chest muscles and six-pack abs, stands up straight, twirls his mop over his head, and thrashes you from top to bottom and back again. Who knew? Ouch! Oof! Ugh! Ow!
Miss Message(s):
He calls you a whippersnapper, but his words are far less effective than sticks and stones.
He tries to smack you with his curmudgel, but you dodge.
He tries to bite you, but his false teeth fall out.
He smacks you with the top of his mop. It smells a little musty, but doesn't hurt.
Fumble Message:
He mops the floor with you. Oh, wait, he actually just mopped the floor with his mop. Well, that's good news for you, I suppose.
Occurs at the F'c'le.
References
- The critical hit may be a reference to The Simpsons character Groundskeeper Willie, who looks dumpy while clothed, but has on several occasions revealed huge chest muscles and six-pack abs.
- The moptop message may be a reference to The Beatles, who initially had hairdos referred to as moptops.
- Hippity Hoppity music is a reference to hip hop music.
- The sticks and stone bit in one of the miss messages is a reference to the saying "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you."
| 
