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Monster ID 992
Locations Noob Cave
Hit Points 1
Attack 0
Defense 0
Initiative 0
Meat None
Phylum construct
Elements None
Resistance None
Monster Parts crate
lemon, orange, bottle of vodka, popsicle stick
Manuel Entry
edit data
crate You're fighting a crate

You're a little nervous about encountering a crate this early in the game.

Miss Message(s):

The crate sits motionless, much as you'd expect.

After Combat

At the end of combat, one of the following:

This crate was full of vodka, and the reason you know that is because your shoes are now full of vodka as well. You manage to salvage one intact bottle from the moist and fragrant wreckage.

Bottle.gifYou acquire an item: bottle of vodka


This crate was empty. Fueled by disappointment and boredom, you pick up some of the splinters of wood and whittle them into popsicle sticks.

Popstick.gifYou acquire 3 popsicle sticks


This crate was full of fruit. You pocket some of it, trying not to think about how long it's been sitting down here.

Orange.gifYou acquire an item: orange
Lemon.gifYou acquire an item: lemon
You gain 1 <substat>.

Occurs at Noob Cave.


  • This "monster" will never attack or deal damage.
  • You will always get one of the three possible drops, which are conditional.
  • Jarlsberg's pan (Cosmic portal mode) does not trigger on these drops. The stumbling message is not displayed.


  • This monster is a reference to the Crate Review System, which measures the quality of a first-person shooter by how much time elapsed between the beginning of the game and the first appearance of a breakable wooden crate or an exploding barrel (two much-ridiculed FPS cliches).