Comma Chameleon Messages (A-Me)

From TheKolWiki

The Comma Chameleon familiar can consume Familiar Equipment to gain the functionality of other familiars. Each piece of equipment has a unique message when fed to a Chameleon, and another when the effect wears off.

Equipment Messages

• 1.21 jigawatts (Temporal Riftlet)
  • When eaten:

    <name> snags the 1.21 jigawatts, with her tongue. You're now looking at a lizard-shaped hole in time, which is, to say the least, disconcerting.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> coughs up a shower of sparks, then turns back into a normal lizard. Which, on the whole, isn't a bad thing.

• 100-Watt bulb (Jill-O-Lantern)
  • When eaten:

    You toss <name> the 100-Watt bulb, and she catches it on her tongue, and swallows it. Her eyes glow green, and she smiles a snaggletoothed-smile.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> hiccups, coughs, and her eyes stop glowing.

• amphibious tophat (Dancing Frog)
  • When eaten:

    ?

  • When effect wears off:

    ?

• ant antidepressant (Mutant Fire Ant)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the antidepressant. Her scales turn to chitin and she grows two giant mandibles.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> hiccups, belches, and her skin goes scaly again. Thank goodness -- she looked really creepy with six legs.

• aquaviolet jub-jub bird (Frumious Bandersnatch)
  • When eaten:

    %name^[sic] swallows the jub-jub bird whole, missing the opportunity for a teeth cleaning. She sprouts wings and starts chortling in her joy.

  • When effect wears off:

    %name^[sic] belches a belch redolent of jub-jub bird, and her wings fold back into her body. Looks like brillig is over.

• attention spanner (Attention-Deficit Demon)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the attention spanner in one gulp, and her eyes grow twice as large as they usually are. She squeaks, "hey, wanna go ride bikes?"

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> hiccups, burps, and her eyeballs shrink back to normal size. She looks ready to concentrate on one task for an extended period of time.

• badger badge (Astral Badger)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the badger badge, and starts doing a little repetitive dance, all the while keeping an eye out for snakes.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> hiccups, burps, and stops doing the badger dance.

• blue suede shoes (Jumpsuited Hound Dog)
  • When eaten:

    <name> chokes down the blue suede shoes, not carin' if the sun don't shine. With her new white jumpsuit and pompadour wig, she looks like a devil in disguise.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> burps, and takes off her suit and wig. Looking relieved, she says "Thank you very much."

• blundarrrbus (Spooky Pirate Skeleton)
  • When eaten:

    <name>, in one smooth motion, unhinges her jaw and swallows the blundarrrbus. "Avast, ye scurvy swab!" she squeaks.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> belches loudly, causing a faint whiff of gunpowder to waft across your face. She looks decidedly less swashbuckling now.

• bone collar (Misshapen Animal Skeleton)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the bone collar, and suddenly gets an emaciated look. She moans spookily.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> blinks and shakes her head. She doesn't look quite as bony now.

• Bottle of Cochon Noir (Chauvinist Pig)
  • When eaten:

    ?

  • When effect wears off:

    ?

• bottle of moontan lotion (Wereturtle)
  • When eaten:

    <name> drinks the bottle of lotion, and lets loose a strange combination of howl and hiccup.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> howls and burps at the same time.

• bottle of perfume (Jitterbug)
  • When eaten:

    <name> catches the bottle on her tongue and swallows it. Her eyes bug out, she grows an extra pair of legs, and she starts dancing like a queen.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> belches a sweet-smelling, pink cloud. Her extra legs vanish and she settles down.

• brass stinger (Killer Bee)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the brass stinger. She starts to float like a butterfly, ready to sting like a bee.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name>'s stomach rumbles and she stops buzzing through the air, which, at this point, is something of a relief.

• cactus monocle (Mutant Cactus Bud)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the monocle. She levitates off the ground, spines protruding from her scales.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> belches loudly, and falls to the floor with a *thump.*

• can of starch (Origami Towel Crane)
  • When eaten:

    <name> drinks the can of starch, and turns pink with little blue flowers.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> changes back to her normal color. Whatever that is.

• candied yam pinky ring (Hand Turkey)
  • When eaten:

    <name> sticks out her tongue, and snags the candied yam pinky ring. She swallows it, and starts to look like both a hand and a turkey at the same time.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name>'s tummy rumbles, and her beak turns into a mouth again.

• charpuce jub-jub bird (Frumious Bandersnatch)
  • When eaten:

    %name^[sic] swallows the jub-jub bird whole, missing the opportunity for a teeth cleaning. She sprouts wings and starts chortling in her joy.

  • When effect wears off:

    %name^[sic] belches a belch redolent of jub-jub bird, and her wings fold back into her body. Looks like brillig is over.

• chocolate spurs (Cocoabo)
  • When eaten:

    <name> starts nibbling, famished, at the chocolate spurs. Before you can stop her, she's swallowed them. Chocolate feathers sprout on her back, and she looks up at you and says, "kweh?"

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> hiccups, twitches, and the feathers on her back turn into scales again. At least she won't be saying, "kweh?" every thirty seconds.

• cotton candy cordial (Cotton Candy Carnie)
  • When eaten:

    <name> cordially swallows the bottle of cordial. Her eyes go unfocused and her skin goes pink and fluffy.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> hiccups drunkenly, and her cotton-candy skin goes back to scales again.

• cracker (Exotic Parrot)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the cracker whole, wincing as the corners scrape her throat. Her scales turn into feathers, but her cold reptilian eyes stay the same. Birds are creepy.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> coughs, snorts, and swallows heavily. Her feathers turn back into scales, but her creepy, reptilian eyes remain the same.

• crimsilion jub-jub bird (Frumious Bandersnatch)
  • When eaten:

    %name^[sic] swallows the jub-jub bird whole, missing the opportunity for a teeth cleaning. She sprouts wings and starts chortling in her joy.

  • When effect wears off:

    %name^[sic] belches a belch redolent of jub-jub bird, and her wings fold back into her body. Looks like brillig is over.

• dental pliers (Crimbo Elf)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the dental pliers, and blinks at you. "Ho ho ho ki yay," she squeaks.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> belches to the tune of "Jingle Bells," and seems to lose the last of her Crimbo spirit.

• diamond-studded fronts (Wind-up Chattering Teeth)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the diamond-studded fronts, and starts chattering back and forth, looking ready to drag some guy out of a van by the crotch of his pants.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> hiccups, burps, and sneezes all at once. Instead of turning her inside out, though, it just stops her from chattering.

• evil teddy bear sewing kit (Evil Teddy Bear)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the evil teddy bear sewing kit. Her scales turn into fur and her eyes glow red. Must have been a pretty big kit, because now she looks stuffed!

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> rubs her stomach with one claw, burps, and her fur turns back into scales again. She's a lot less creepy now, too.

• extra-strength rubber bands (Rock Lobster)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the rubber bands, turns dark gray, and starts floating in midair.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> burps and drifts slowly back to the ground, the color gradually returning to her cheeks.

• eye 'n' horn shampoo (Uniclops)
  • When eaten:

    %fn^[sic] drinks the shampoo, and her feet turn into hooves. She whinnies at you, as if to say "look at my hooves! My hooves!"

  • When effect wears off:

    %fn^[sic] emits a loud combination of a whinny and a belch, and returns to normal.

• eye-pod (Baby Gravy Fairy)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the eyepod in one gulp. Wings sprout from her shoulders, and she starts dancing around, looking like she’s ready to sell you some auto insurance.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> sneezes and looks around, confused. The wings on her shoulders fade away, and she stops dancing.

• false eyelashes (Clockwork Grapefruit)
  • When eaten:

    That bezoomy <name> swallows the false eyelashes. As they go down her gorlo, she looks ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence.

  • When effect wears off:

    O, me brothers, <name> belches loudly. Looks like the false eyelashes have gone through her brooko.

• fin-bit wax (Magic Dragonfish)
  • When eaten:

    %fn^[sic] eats the wax. Her skin takes on a shiny, rainbow-colored sheen.

  • When effect wears off:

    %fn^[sic] burps and looks bored.

• flaming glowsticks (Flaming Gravy Fairy)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the flaming glowsticks, then burps and exhales twin smoke-rings from her nostrils. She starts to dance a hot, hot dance while flames lick up and down her back.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> belches one final smoke ring, and finally stops her hot, hot dancing.

• funky brass fez (Cymbal-Playing Monkey)
  • When eaten:

    <name> goes to lick her eyeball, but grabs the brass fez and swallows it. Her front claws turn into cymbals, and she grins creepily at you.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> gives her cymbals one last CLANG, then watches them turn back into claws.

• gazing shoes (Emo Squid)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows all eight gazing shoes, one by one. She blinks at you, and cries a single emo tear.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> belches loudly, and seems to shake off her emo blues. Her tentacles turn back into feet.

• giant book of ancient carols (Ancient Yuletide Troll)
  • When eaten:

    <name> eats the songbook one page at a time, then dons some gay apparel. In the older sense of the word "gay," of course. Yeah.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> doffs some gay apparel.

• gill rings (Grouper Groupie)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the gill rings. Her lips turn bright red, she grows gills, and she starts flirting with you.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> hiccups a couple of times, and becomes a lot less skanky.

• green pixie spog (Green Pixie)
  • When eaten:

    You toss <name> the spog. She snaps it out of the air, then grows dreadlocks and squeaks "Ach, Crivens!"

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> hiccups and looks queasy. Her dreadlocks fall out and she stops headbutting everything in sight.

• half-height unicycle (Midget Clownfish)
  • When eaten:

    %name^[sic] swallows the unicycle and develops a patch of rainbow-colored stubble.

  • When effect wears off:

    %name^[sic] belches. It smells sort of like cotton candy mixed with pork and beans.

• hardware upgrade (O.A.F.)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the hardware upgrade. She begins to boop and beep, squeaking "Danger, Will Robinson!"

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> grimaces, belches, and her metal scales turn back into regular scaly scales.

• hot pink lipstick (Sleazy Gravy Fairy)
  • When eaten:

    <name> eats the tube of hot pink lipstick, apparently confused as to its purpose (which is understandable, since she doesn't have lips). She starts to wink and flirt with you.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> hiccups, spits up a hot pink glob, and looks embarrassed for having flirted with you.

• hypodermic needle (Mosquito)
  • When eaten:

    <name> eats the hypodermic needle, taking great care not to poke herself with it. Her nose extends into a proboscis, and insect wings sprout from her shoulders.

  • When effect wears off:

    You hear a tiny rumbling coming from <name>'s stomach, and she belches a bit of grey smoke. Well, at least she won't be buzzing around your head anymore.

• iced-out bling (Frozen Gravy Fairy)
  • When eaten:

    <name> gets her tongue stuck to the iced-out bling, then swallows it. Icicles grow from her nostrils as she dances a dance that's too cold, too cold.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> hiccups, and the icicles around her nostrils finally start to melt. She changes back from blue to red, gold, and green.

• icicle katana (Ninja Snowflake)
  • When eaten:

    You hand the katana to <name>. She shivers for a minute, and seems to become partially invisible.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> belches a frosty cloud into the air, and fades back into view.

• imitation whetstone (Imitation Crab)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the whetstone and starts walking back and forth sideways.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> burps, then coughs up a sparkling little cloud of powdered stone.

• Jawmaster 2000™ (Mutant Gila Monster )
  • When eaten:

    <name> does a few reps with the Jawmaster 2000™. She grows ten times larger than she normally is.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> swallows the Jawmaster 2000™, and slowly shrinks back to normal size

• limburger biker boots (Stinky Gravy Fairy)
  • When eaten:

    <name> holds her nose and swallows the limbuger biker boots. She starts to bang her head, and to smell like a skunk in a sour-milk factory.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name>'s tummy rumbles loudly, and she belches one more stinky burp before settling down.

• magnifying glass (Star Starfish)
  • When eaten:

    <name> tosses the magnifying glass in the air, and swallows it in one gulp. Her insides are briefly magnified but, of course, no one can see that.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> belches loudly, and a little starlight trickles from her nostrils. She seems to return to normal after that, relatively speaking.

• many-eyed glasses (Levitating Potato)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the many-eyed glasses in one gulp, and blinks at you through eyes that have gone multi-faceted. Her claws turn into waving vines.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> hiccups in an indecently cute fashion, and her claws become claws again. She blinks and shakes her head, trying to see through only two eyes again.

• Meat detector (Leprechaun)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the meat detector, and it beeps frantically as it detects all the meat inside her body. She winks at you and squeaks, "faith and begorrah!"

  • When effect wears off:

    <name>'s tummy rumbles, and she belches a little bit of smoke. At least she'll stop winking at you, now -- that was getting creepy.

• meatcar model (Fuzzy Dice)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the meatcar model, and her body becomes cubical and decidedly fuzzy.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> belches loudly. Looks like she's finished digesting the fuzzy dice, but at least she won't sing the same old song anymore.

• menorette (Hanukkimbo Dreidl)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the menorette, which hopefully was kosher. She looks up at you and squeaks, "mazel tov!"

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> hiccups, and looks decidedly less kosher. At least she's stopped spinning around, 'cause she was making you dizzy.

• metallic foil bow (Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E.)
  • When eaten:

    <name> wraps her tongue around the bow and swallows it. She grows a few robotic tentacle arms, looking like something Japan would absolutely go nuts for.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> hiccups, belches blue flame, and gives one last wave of her robotic arms as they disappear.

• metallic foil radar dish (Crimbo P. R. E. S. S. I. E.)
  • When eaten:

    <name> places the radar dish on her head, like a hat. She grows a few robotic arms to match it, too.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> snaps the radar dish off her head and swallows it. Her robotic arms gradually disappear, and domo arigato for that.

• metal mandible (Sweet Nutcracker)
  • When eaten:

    <name> swallows the metal mandible, rather than wear it. Her legs go stiff, and she starts making "clop clop" noises through a grotesquely distended mouth.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> hiccups, burps, and her mouth returns to normal size. Looks like her legs are working better now, too.

• metrognome (Syncopated Turtle)
  • When eaten:

    <name> snags the metrognome on the downbeat, swallows it on the upbeat, and begins to sway as a shell forms on her back.

  • When effect wears off:

    <name> belches rhythmically, and stops swaying to an inaudible beat.

References

• The message for when the attention spanner is consumed is the answer to the riddle "how many children with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb?"
• The brass stinger/killer bee message is Muhammad Ali's catchphrase, "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee."
• The chocolate spurs/Cocoabo message is yet another reference to the Final Fantasy series. "Kweh" is the sound chocobos make.
• The message for when the diamond-studded fronts are consumed is a reference to the Stephen King short story "Chattery Teeth".
• The message for when the eye-pod is consumed is a reference to an ad campaign by GEICO Direct insurance, featuring a dancing and talking CGI gecko.
• The line when you give the Chameleon the Jitterbug equipment is a reference to the band ABBA's song, "Dancing Queen."