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Monster ID 1907
Locations Investigating a Plaintive Telegram
Hit Points 0
Attack 0
Defense 0
Initiative 100
Meat None
Phylum beast
Elements stench
Resistance  ?
Monster Parts head, leg, tail, torso, wing
buzzard feather
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data
buzzard You're fighting a buzzard

Death lurks around every corner in the West, and caddy-cornered from death you can usually find one of these nasty creatures.

RE: Missing: Pioneer Daughter

As you near Daisy's homestead, you can't help but notice that there are a lot of burned-down buildings and even more charred corpses everywhere. Like the one this buzzard was chowing down on before you disturbed his dinner.

RE: Missing: Fancy Man

As you ride toward Jeff's mine, you're attacked by a buzzard, which has apparently mistaken you for something that is about to die, rather than something that is about to kill a buzzard. At least something that you hope is about to kill a buzzard.

RE: Help! Desperados!

The buzzards in this region have become so hungry, they're eating rattlesnakes without even waiting for them to die first. You can imagine their reaction when they spot some prey that doesn't have venomous fangs.

RE: Haunted Boneyard

It's hard to fault a buzzard for wanting to take advantage of such a huge corpse pile, but in all the confusion they're attempting to eat you as well, and that's certainly something you can find fault with, easy.

Hit Message(s):

The buzzard pecks out your <forehead>. Ahhh! Your <neck>! Ow! Ugh! Eek! Argh!

The buzzard talons you with its pointy claws. Or, wait... Ow! Ugh! Ow! Ugh!

The buzzard really prefers its meals dead, but figures you'll be dead soon enough anyway. Eek! Ooh! Eek! Ooh!

Critical Hit Message:

The buzzard flaps into the air, claws the hell out of your shoulder, and steals your ear. Man! What a jerk! (CRITICAL HIT!)

Miss Message(s):

The buzzard tries to high-five you, but you leave it hanging.

The buzzard waits for a bit to see if you'll die soon on your own.

The buzzard pecks at you, but it's gonna need more like a bushel.

Fumble Message:

"I'm a cowboy!" says the buzzard. 'Howdy howdy howdy!" (FUMBLE!)

After Combat

Feather.gifYou acquire an item: buzzard feather (% chance)*

Occurs at Investigating a Plaintive Telegram.


  • Smelly buzzards have a stench aura, wherein you take stench damage every round:
Sheesh. This thing smells awful!


  • The fumble message is taken from a Far Side cartoon featuring a group of buzzard eating the corpse of a cowboy.