Bulky Buddy Box (familiar)

From TheKolWiki

• Regular message:

  <name> sits motionless.

[edit] Arena Messages

• When entered in any contest

  Since the Arena doesn't have a "sitting motionless, doing absolutely nothing" event, there's probably no point in allowing your Bulky Buddy Box to compete.

[edit] Notes

• Functionally identical to the Pet Rock.
• That is to say it's completely functionless, save entertainment and trophies.
• When equipped as your active familiar, the Bulky Buddy Box will sometimes whisper messages while in chat. Some of these messages include:

You've wanted to rob that bank for a long time. Why don't you do it?

I have cake for you, you know. It's so delicious and moist.

You are weak.

Your heart will explode.

Your friends will abandon you.

You will betray your friends.

They're everywhere. They're laughing at you.

Death is close.

Your courage will fail.

You Will Die.

You would never drop me into an incinerator, would you?

The next time you're not looking, I'm going to shank you.

Assume the Party Escort Submission now, or you will miss the party.

That thing you picked up is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it.

[edit] References

• This familiar is based on the Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube, a "character" that appears in the first-person action/puzzle video game Portal. It's rife with other references to Portal as well:
  • The line about the cake being a lie is also a reference to Portal. GLaDOS, the narrating computer, tells you there is "delicious and moist" cake when you finish the game. Clues throughout the game, in the form of writing scrawled on walls and audio clues, suggest that "the cake is a lie."
    • The "Party Escort Submission" line is also a reference to this running "joke." In the final level, you find out that the cake would not have been a lie, as "You will be baked, and then [there will be] cake" (the part in brackets is lost in static in the actual game). When you manage to remove yourself from the incinerator, GLaDOS congratulates you, and then instructs you to drop the Portal gun to be retrieved by a reclamation team and "Assume the Party Escort Submission Position" so that you can be escorted to the party (which, of course, is the real lie).
  • In the course of the game, GLaDOS says "The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you, and in fact cannot speak. The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube cannot speak. In the event that the Weighted Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice.", which explains the negative connotations of the lines above.
  • The line "You would never drop me into an incinerator, would you?" refers to the end of your time with the Weighted Companion Cube in Portal, in which GLaDOS forces you to dispose of the cube by dropping it into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator.
  • After something falls out of her that she cannot identify, GLaDOS, urging you not to touch it, tells you that the unknown object is "probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it," hence the similar message from the Buddy Box.
• The lines "You are weak.", "You will die.", "Your heart will explode." "Your friends will abandon you.", and "You will betray your friends." are references to whispers sent to you by C'thun, a boss in the game World of Warcraft.