Bram the Stoker
|Bram the Stoker|
|Locations||The Haunted Boiler Room|
|Monster Parts||arm, head, leg, torso|
You're startled to see a pair of dark eyes gazing at you from the darkness. The figure steps into the light, and you see he's got a wild, unkempt beard and a red-hot poker in one hand.
"My Dearest Mina," he says, "as I went about my stoking duties in the basement today, I came across a rogue adventurer. We had a fierce fight, but I ultimately prevailed, and was forced to dispose of the body in the boiler itself. Your faithful husband, Bram the Stoker."
"Wait a minute," you respond, "why don't we have the fight before you go writing a letter about what happened?"
"Because the result is a foregone conclusion," Bram says, and attacks.
He heats his poker until it's red-hot, then brands your <giblets> with it. You're not stoked about the whole thing. Ooh! Ow! Argh!
He pokes you in the face with this poker. Oof! Ouch! Ugh!
He pokes you with his poker. You're less than stoked. Eek! Eek! Ooh! (hot damage)
He stabs you with a quill pen, then uses your blood to write a letter about the attack. Ouch! Ooh! Eek!
He stokes the fire until it's incredibly hot, then pushes you against the boiler. Yipe! Argh! Ooh! Argh! (hot damage)
He tosses another shovelful of coal into the fire, then beats you with the shovel. Argh! Ouch! Ow!
He pulls red-hot coals out of the boiler with his coal shovel, and flings them all at you, hitting your <nipple>, <ankle>, and <shins>. It doesn't seem to bother him that doing so unstoked the fire a bit. Ouch! Eek! Oof! (hot damage)
He tries to brand you with a red-hot poker, but you eat some red-hots instead.
He tries to hit you with the coal shovel, but is too disheveled to shovel properly.
He tries to poke your face with this poker, but you read his intentions in his face and dodge.
He tries to poke you with his poker, but you avoid getting a poker face.
He tries to stab you with a pen, but you suggest that, contrary to what he might have heard, the sword's totally mightier.
He tries to stoke the fire, but the fire's just not feelin' it right now, man.
He stops to write a letter about how the attack is going so far. You enjoy a respite instead of reminding him that the story would be way more exciting if he'd just tell it without using the epistolary mode. (FUMBLE!)
|You gain 200-300 Meat (average: 250, stdev: 20.82)*|
|You acquire an item: Bram's choker (100% chance)*|
Occurs at The Haunted Boiler Room (semi-rarely).