Big creepy spider
From TheKolWiki
 You're fighting a big creepy spiderIn the Sleazy Back Alley, you are attacked by a big creepy spider. He promises not to kill you, but you're not sure you believe him.
Hit Message(s):
It spiderbites you in the <groin>. Man, get rid of spider. Ugh!
It does whatever a spider can, which in this case includes sinking its fangs into your <groin>. Ow!
It encloses you in a web coccoon. You suffocate and come out feeling like an eighty-year-old who hangs out with Steve Guttenberg. Argh!
It spears you with a venemous fang. Fangs a lot. Eek!
Critical Hit Message:
It spins a web (any size) and catches you just like a fly. Look out, here comes that spider, man. You writhe around trying to free yourself, and eventually fall to the ground. Twenty feet to the ground. Ouch!
Miss Message(s):
It tries to spiderbite you, but you tell it that it's your hero, and it's flattered.
It does whatever a spider can, which includes tripping over six of its legs and falling down.
It encloses you in a coccoon, but Steve Guttenberg saves you.
It tries to spear you with a venemous mandible, but you're immune to dactyl-based damage (look it up, I'm not your search engine).
Fumble Message:
It spins a web to ensnare you, but gets scared midway through and ends up spooling all of its web fiber onto the ground. Someone should make a hilarious cartoon along those lines.
  Meat | You gain 4-7 Meat. (average: 5.2, stdev: 0.9)* |
Occurs at The Sleazy Back Alley.
Notes
- A successful attack from this monster has a chance of poisoning you:
You are poisoned by the attack...
References
- This adventure is loaded with references to the They Might Be Giants song, "Spider"
- The description text includes "I promise not to kill you."
- One of the hit messages includes "Get rid of spider."
- One of the miss messages includes "He is our hero."
- The combat and critical hit messages refer to the theme song for the 1960s Spider-Man cartoon, which begins with the words "Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can."
- The "cocoon" hit and miss messages refer to Steve Guttenberg's role in the movie Cocoon.
- The fumble message refers to The Far Side cartoon by Gary Larson about a spider that gets scared by another spider and spools all of its fiber on the ground, imitating humans wetting their pants.
- The line "look it up, I'm not your search engine", is often used by Lore Sjöberg on his site Brunching Shuttlecocks.
- One miss message refers to dactyls, being three-syllable words where the first syllable is stressed and the other two are unstressed, e.g. venomous or mandible. Now you don't have to look it up.
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