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Best Game Ever

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Best Game Ever
Locations CRIMBCO Cubicles
Hit Points 75% of Player's Buffed Muscle
Attack Player's Buffed Moxie
Defense Player's Buffed Muscle
Initiative 100
Meat None
Phylum Indeterminate
Elements None
Resistance None
Drops
BGE merchandise order form
Manuel Entry
edit data
Best Game Ever You're fighting the Best Game Ever

In the depths of your boredom, you stumble across an amazing game you can play on your work computer. It's an unbelievably detailed simulation of life in both dimensions and both colors, with every simple line of the universe rendered in the same lack of detail you see every day.

Even better, the writing of the game is amazingly clever, almost as clever as the disembodied voice that describes everything you do and every item you examine. As you continue playing, you can tell that there's a robust set of mechanics underlying the whole thing, too, so it has endless replayability.

But then it starts to get all up its own ass with self-referential fourth-wall-breaking, so you know you have to end it.

Hit Message(s):

It accidentally erases your entire game inventory, including a sizable piece of your real-life <arm>. Ow! Eek! Argh! Oof! Eek!

You encounter a puzzle so difficult and obscure that only the guy who wrote it could possibly ever solve it. It makes you so angry you have a mild aneurysm. Ow! Ooh! Eek! Argh! Ugh!

You accidentally drink too much booze in-game, and smack yourself on the forehead while you wait for rollover. Argh! Eek! Oof! Ooh! Ouch!

The game's lead writer posts a vitriolic screed in the forums, directed at you. Screw you, screw your <forehead>, screw your <groin>, and screw the <nipple> you rode in on. Eek! Ow! Ooh! Argh! Ugh!

It nerfs your favorite item in the game, wrecking your strategy for optimal progression. Ouch, man. Eek! Ugh! Ouch! Argh! Ow!

It adds extra quests just to slow down your progress through the game. It hurts on so many levels. Well, two extra levels, anyway. Ooh! Ouch! Oof! Eek! Eek!

Critical Hit Message:

The game's administrator drops the entire database, having ignored several checkboxes confirming he wants to do so. The database lands on your <shins>. Ugh! Ow! Eek! Ooh! Ooh!

Miss Message(s):

It tries to nerf your favorite progression strategy, but spits out error messages instead.

It goes down for maintenance. You listen to its radio station while you wait for the refresh.

It tries to hit you in the <arse>, but is too lagged to do so.

You take a break from playing to complain about the game on its official forums.

Fumble Message:

This year's special holiday content ends with an anticlimactic fizzle, as per usual. Ho ho hum.


After Combat

Wow! That was awesome!
Eyes.gif Boredom -50%

Document thumb.gifYou acquire an item: BGE merchandise order form

Notes

  • Occurs at CRIMBCO Cubicles with 100% Boredom.
  • After defeating the BGE, boredom drops to 50%. Losing will not trigger this event.
  • You can beat the game more than once a day, provided you can reach 100% Boredom as many times as necessary.
  • Counts as a boss for getting badass pie from an organ grinder.
  • This monster cannot be copied.

References

  • Every aspect of this encounter, from the image down to the item drop, is a self-conscious meta-reference to the game itself.
  • The lead writer wrote a particularly vitriolic screed in the forums during Crimbo 2008.
  • The critical hit message references the 2005 accident involving the game's database tables, commonly called White Wednesday.
  • The referenced radio station is Radio KoL, which players often listen to during the nightly maintenance downtime.
  • The attack referencing the addition of two quests to the game is a reference to NS13.
This page was last modified on 1 February 2012, at 20:56.
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