Bailey's Beetle
From TheKolWiki
 You're fighting Bailey's BeetleLooks like the soldiers in the Army of One Love finally learned how to drive, and have formed the First Hippy Automated Mobile Division, known unofficialy as "Bailey's Beetles" because that's much easier to say.
Anyway. This is a hippy soldier driving a compact foreign car, and from the rank french-fry smell of the exhaust, you can only assume that it's been altered to run on biodiesel.
Hit Message(s):
You choke and gag as the hippy revs the engine, creating huge clouds of choking greasy exhaust. Eek! Ooh! (stench damage)
The hippy peels out away from you, kicking up a big rock that hits you in the <groin>. Oof! Oof!
The hippy tries to back over you, and stalls out. You try to defiantly kick his bumper, but end up burning your foot on the tailpipe. Ouch! Eek! (hot damage)
It runs over your <groin>, and then backs over your <groin>. Oof! Ooh!
Critical Hit Message:
The hippy drives through a mud puddle, splashing you with filthy water, then peels out, does a bootlegger's turn, and runs over you six or seven times. Eek! Argh! Ugh!
Miss Message(s):
The beetle backfires and a french fry falls out of the tailpipe. I'm pretty sure you're supposed to strain the biodiesel before you use it.
The hippy floors the accelerator, breaking the baling wire that was holding the floorboards together, thereby executing an accidental Flintstones-style stop.
It plows toward you at about 2 miles per hour. You hear the driver murmur "Wow, man. I'm going, like, so fast, man." as you step out of the way.
Fumble Message:
The car sputters, stutters, and stalls. The hippy climbs out and looks under the hood (or "bonnet") and seems surprised to find there's no engine! "Wow, man," he says, "how does this thing run?"
Occurs at The Battlefield (Frat Warrior Fatigues).
Notes
References
- Beetle Bailey is a newspaper comic strip about a very lazy soldier.
- The miss message where the hippy opens the hood refers to the fact that the classic Volkswagen Beetle had its engine in the rear and storage space in the front.
- The classic air-cooled Volkswagens, primarily the Beetle and the Microbus, were very popular with hippies because they were cheap and would run practically forever.
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