Azazel, Ma Belle

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Description

After helping the Friars cleanse the taint, visit Azazel at his temple in Pandamonium. Finding his three talismans of evil power will get you a powerful reward depending on your current path.

Tasks

Rewards

Upon returning the three talismans of evil power to Azazel, he will reward you with one of the following items based on your current path:

Path Reward Skill Effect
Teetotaler or Avatar of Boris or Zombie Slayer steel lasagna Stomach of Steel +5 Stomach capacity
Oxygenarian steel-scented air freshener Spleen of Steel +5 Spleen capacity
Any other path, no path, or any path after freeing King Ralph steel margarita Liver of Steel +5 Drunkenness before impairment

The reward item can be consumed to gain a skill which increases the corresponding daily consumption limit by 5. The rewards are tailored to your path so that you do not receive a useless reward (such as extra stomach capacity during a run in which you cannot eat).

Text

If you don't have all three items:

You walk up to Azazel's temple. Azazel hovers over a giant obsidian throne, a blur of swirling and flickering glaring eyes and sharp, sharp teeth.

"I heard that you might have recovered the talismans of my evil power," he says, his voice rumbling and whispering like a stampede of librarians. "Show me what you've got."

You do a few funky dance moves, then realize that's not what he was talking about. You pull out what you've found so far.

"Fool!" Azazel screams. "Your quest is not yet complete. Get out of here before I use your entrails for garland on my Crimbo tree, and your skin for a throw rug."

You scurry out of the throne room while your insides are still in and your outsides are still out.


If you have all three items:

You enter Azazel's temple. Azazel hovers over a giant obsidian throne, a blur of swirling and flickering glaring eyes and sharp, sharp teeth.

"I heard that you might have recovered the talismans of my evil power," he says, his voice rumbling and whispering like a stampede of librarians. "Show me what you've got."

"Talismans of evil power?" you say, incredulously. You pull out the purple plush unicorn, the bright, rainbow-colored lollipop, and the frilly pink tutu and lay them in front of him.

"You clearly don't understand the nature of evil," Azazel says, then addresses the stuffed unicorn. "Are you okay, Snookums? Did the bad demons hurt you? It's okay, you're safe with me now." He stops, realizes you're still there, and gruffly shouts "leave me to contemplate my evil plans!"

"Um," you say, "there was a reward, right? I mean, if not a reward for returning your dolly, your lolly, and your lacy underthings, at least a reward for not telling anybody."

"You dare to threaten the third most evil demon in Hey Deze?" Azazel shouts. "Very well, then, I shall give you your reward. Bear in mind that the rewards of Hey Deze are likely to be less than agreeable to a mortal weakling like yourself --" he pauses and chuckles evilly, then continues:

  • If you aren't teetotaler or oxygenarian:
"When you drink this, it will turn your liver to steel! Henceforth, you will have to drink more alcohol to become inebriated! Ha ha ha!"
Daquiri.gifYou acquire an item: steel margarita
  • If you are a teetotaler:
"When you eat this, it will turn your stomach to steel! Henceforth, like Tantalus, you will have to eat more food than usual to feel full! Ha ha ha!"
Lasagna.gifYou acquire an item: steel lasagna
  • If you are an oxygenarian:
"When you smell this, it will turn your spleen to steel! Henceforth, you will be forced to consume more items that boost your power, until eventually the lust for power consumes you! Ha ha ha!"
Spraycan.gifYou acquire an item: steel-scented air freshener
  • If you have already completed the old quest during this ascension::
"I sense that we've been here before, and I have nothing left to give you."

You decide to get the Hey Deze out of Azazel's temple before he gives you any further "rewards".


If you have already completed the quest:

You creep back into Azazel's temple. To your surprise, the obsidian throne is empty. You hear a girlish giggle coming from behind the throne, and sneak back to investigate.

You see Azazel with the tutu somehow hovering around his dimensional-rift body, with the sucker stuck in one of his many fanged maws, levitating the unicorn in the air to make it dance. "Dum de dum dum, I'm a pretty pony, tee hee he!" he laughs. Then he spots you.

"Uh. I was just. . . " you say.

"FOOL!" Azazel shrieks. "You have interrupted a most dire and unspeakable ritual! Get out of here before I give you the gift of hindsight by twisting your head around 180 degrees!"

You decide to watch your ass metaphorically by running away before you're forced to do it literally.

Notes

  • This quest was revamped on January 20, 2011. For the old version of the quest, see Azazel, Ma Belle (old quest).
  • Since freeing King Ralph automatically removes your path, if you complete this quest after doing so you will receive a steel margarita.
  • Consuming a reward fills 5 points of the corresponding consumption limiter, yielding a 0 net gain in usable consumption during the day it is used.

References

  • This quest's name is a reference to the song "Michelle" by The Beatles.
  • The Quest Log title for this quest, "Angry [Playername], this is Azazel in Hell.", is a lyric reference to the song "Angry Johnny" by Poe.