All-Hallow's Steve

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All-Hallow's Steve
Monster ID 1451
Locations Trick or Treat!
Hit Points Scales with player stats
Attack Scales with player stats
Defense Scales with player stats
Initiative 90
Meat Indeterminate
Phylum dude
Elements None
Resistance 75%
Monster Parts unknown
Drops
All-Hallow's Steve's fright wig
refreshedit data
All-Hallow's Steve You're fighting All-Hallow's Steve

You knock on the door, and it begins to creeeaaak open slowly, before being jerked wide open as a terrifying fat clown leaps out of the shadows with a screech! You stumble backward, almost falling, as the horrible monster cackles with laughter. "Ha ha ha! Got you pretty good, eh kid?"

Your adrenaline rush abates slightly as you realize it isn't a real clown, just an overweight middle-aged guy in (disturbingly realistic) clown make-up. "T-t-trick or treat?" you stammer, still shuddering from the shock.

"Sure thing," he says with a twinkle in his eye. "Here, have one of my homemade popcorn balls!" He tosses you a wad of candied popcorn wrapped in wax paper.

"Uh, thanks," you say, looking it over, "but I'm not really supposed to take homemade... hey! These aren't candy bits! Is this... Xanax?? What the heck, man!" The clown-faced man cackles with laughter again. "It's you, isn't it?" you say, wide-eyed with sudden realization. "You're the one who puts razor-blades in apples and stuff!"

"YES!" he howls. "...Well, no, actually -- not the razor-blade/apple thing. They just grow that way around here, for some reason. Nobody's been able to figure out why. It's weird. But metaphorically speaking, YES! I'm All-Hallow's Steve! I'm the reason grannies can't bake cookies for the kiddies! I'm the one who puts needles in chocolate bars, so parents have to take the kids' treats to be x-rayed at the police station!"

"You fiend!"

"Sometimes, if Halloween is on a dark, cloudy night, I drive around in my car and run over little children who don't have glowsticks!"

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong!" he shouts, grinding his yellow teeth together. "Halloween isn't scary anymore! It used to be about demons, and ghouls, and dark creatures clawing through the border between worlds! It used to be about making noise so that the devil didn't suck out your soul! And now look at it," he spits. "It's all candy and rainbows! Bright lights and soft corners! Well, I'm taking it back! I'm putting the FEAR back into Halloween!"

"You won't get away with this!"

"I am getting away with it, fool! In some towns, I've got people so scared, the kids aren't even allowed to trick-or-treat in their own neighborhoods! They have to go to a shopping mall!"

That tears it -- you drop your candy-bucket and grab your weapon.

Hit Message(s):

He throws a wax soda-bottle into your mouth, and it becomes apparent that he syringed out the flavored syrup and replaced it with antifreeze. At least it's still delicious! Ooh! Oof! Ow! Ooh! Ouch!

He gets really close to your face and screams at you. His breath is almost as bad as that of an actual clown. Argh! Ugh! Oof! Ouch! Ugh! (stench damage)

He sticks needles in a candy bar, and drops it into your candy bucket. (For the sake of convenience, we'll just assign the damage to you right now.) Ooh! Argh! Argh! Argh! Ouch!

He cracks you in the head with a bag of ancient and fossilized candy corn. Eek! Eek! Ouch! Eek! Ouch!

Critical Hit Message:

He somehow tricks you into eating a krispie-treat that is actually Tylenol instead of krispies. Your liver shrivels up into a poisonous black lump. Argh! Ouch! Argh! Eek! Ugh!

Miss Message(s):

He throws some candy at your face, but for once you know when to keep your mouth shut.

He sticks needles into a candy bar, but you manage to knock it out of his hand before he can hide it in your candy bucket.

He gets up in your face and screams at you, but fortunately that's all he does.

He hits you with a bag of candy corn, but fortunately it's relatively fresh -- like, only ten or twelve years old -- so it doesn't sting too bad.

Fumble Message:

The fight is briefly interrupted when some more trick-or-treaters arrive. You frantically wave them away as Steve turns to get the candy bowl. (FUMBLE!)


After Combat

Frightwig.gifYou acquire an item: All-Hallow's Steve's fright wig

Notes

  • Cannot be stunned or staggered.
  • All-Hallow's Steve has two phases of damage reduction:
    1. First, a percentage reduction is applied to all damage. This reduction is 75%.
    2. Second, a soft damage cap is applied. The soft cap is 75. If an attack would do more than 75 damage, then the soft cap reduces this to (D - 75)0.85 + 75 where D is the damage after percentage resistance.
  • If you prefer a single formula, the actual damage All-Hallow's Steve takes with a raw, unmodified damage of x is (.25*x-75)^.85+75.
  • This monster cannot be copied.

References