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- You approach the perplexing door. Upon closer inspection, you determine that the most perplexing element of the door is its keyhole -- it keeps changing shapes and sizes.
- It seems like pretty much any key would fit in it. Wanna try one?
- You insert Boris's key in the keyhole, and turn it. The door opens into a circular chamber with walls of stone. In the center of the room sits a raised stone platform, and on the platform sits a big muscular ghost.
- "Howdy," says the ghost. "I'm the Spirit of Boris, and I'm here to help you. But in order to prove your worth, you must answer my riddle:
- I do not walk, I do not fly
Breathe what I breathe, and you will die
The Catholics, they all come my way
for they can eat me on Friday
What am I?
- "Sorry," says the Spirit of Boris, "That's not the right answer. Try again."
- "Good work. Here's something that will aid you in your quest. Don't ask me how, because quite honestly I have no idea."
- The Spirit of Boris looks at you proudly. "Nice work solving my riddle, kid. Now quit bothering me."
- You place Jarlsberg's key in the keyhole, and turn it. The door swings open onto a hexagonal chamber with stone walls. On a raised platform in the center of the room sits a ghost, dressed in ghostly robes and a ghostly hat.
- "Hello, young Adventurer," says the ghost. "I'm the Spirit of Jarlsberg, and I am here to assist you in your quest. First, however, you must answer my riddle:
- Though spelling's not our strongest case,
We have deph jams to pheed your phace
Our music's loose and phree and trippy
Come see our show, you philthy hippy.
Who are we?
- "Sorry," says the Spirit of Jarlsberg, "That's not the right answer. Try again."
- "Excellent, excellent. You've solved the tricky riddle, and earned your reward. Here you go."
- The Spirit of Jarlsberg looks at you proudly. "You have solved my riddle, young one. Now go! Continue on your quest!"
- You place Sneaky Pete's key in the keyhole, and turn it. The door swings open onto a triangular chamber with walls of solid stone. On a raised dais in the center of the room sits a ghost. He glances around the room, furtively.
- "Oh, uhh, hey," says the ghost. "I'm the Spirit of Sneaky Pete, and I've got some goods you need, see? You can't have 'em, though, until you answer my riddle.:
- I am a fish, blind as can be
I swim beneath a darkened sea.
My name's a bad pun (no surprise,)
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Of this riddle we're not proud,
If you get stuck, try reading it aloud.
What am I?
- "Sorry," says the Spirit of Sneaky Pete, "That's not the right answer. Try again."
- "Correct! You have solved the riddle, and are entitled to your reward. Here you go."
- The Spirit of Sneaky Pete looks at you sneakily. "You've solved my riddle -- why are you still hanging around?"
- You put a skeleton key in the lock and open the door. It opens on a smallish room, in which sits a table, behind which sits a skeleton, in whose hands is a pair of dice, upon the faces of which are pips.
- "Hello, Adventurer," says the skeleton, "would you like to play a game? It's not one of those games where the only way to win is not to play -- those games are for sissies. No, it's a game of chance."
- If you don't have 30 HP and you don't have a ten-leaf clover in your inventory:
- "You're not healthy enough to play this game. Come back when you're a little better rested."
- "Okay," says the skeleton, "here's how the game works. I roll these dice, and if they come up eleven, I give you this stone tablet. Any number other than eleven, and I beat the crap out of you. Ready?"
- "Uh, hey, wait..." you say, but the dice have already begun to roll...
- "Alright, then," says the skeleton, "looks like I owe you a beating."
- He throws you a sound one, and knocks you back out into the central cavern.
- You see a puff of smoke come from your sack, and catch a whiff of burnt clover.
- You deftly replace the dice with your loaded dice. Somehow, the skeleton doesn't notice.
- "Lucky you," says the skeleton. Here you are." The skeleton hands you a stone tablet, and promptly disappears in a puff of bone dust.
- Nothing more to see here.
- You place the digital key in the lock, and open the door to reveal a broom closet. On the back wall there is a plaque with a strange device attached to it.
- The words scrawled beneath the strange device read:
- 10 buttons must ye push
in a sequence I've contrived
but ye wouldn't get it even
if I gave ye thirty lives.
- Apparently you need to push ten buttons in sequence...
- That must not have been the proper sequence. Perhaps if you concentrate a little harder, you'll figure it out.
- Apparently that was the correct sequence, because a heretofore unseen slot opens up beneath the device, and a stone tablet slides out.
- You've already taken care of this room. Try another.
- You put Richard's Star Key in the lock, and turn the doorknob. The door opens onto what appears to be an extremely dark room, with what appears to be an elaborate stone pillar in the center. On the pillar is what appears to be a cage made out of stars. In the cage is what appears to be some sheet music.
- In the preceding paragraph is what appears to be egregious abuse of the repetition of the phrase "what appears to be." Sorry 'bout that.
- You beat on the cage with your weapon, but to no avail. It doesn't appear to be made out of the right stuff.
- With almost the right weapon:
- A few dents appear on the cage. If only you had something more substantial...
- With right weapon, but not properly protected:
- You break the cage open with your weapon, and there is a violent explosion of stars and lines. Fragmentary star and line pieces begin to whirl around the room.
- A fragment of a line hits you really hard in the face, and it knocks you back into the main cavern.
- With right weapon and properly protected, but no familiar:
- Fortunately, the brim of your star hat prevents the flying fragments from knocking you out of the room.
- You can see the sheet music, but you can't get to it through the storm of stars and lines whirling around the pedestal. You give up, and go back out to the main cavern.
- With right weapon and properly protected, but wrong familiar:
- You can see the sheet music, but you can't get to it through the storm of stars and lines whirling around the pedestal. $familiar creeps toward the pedestal, but is blown backwards. You give up, and go back out to the main cavern.
- With right weapon, properly protected, and right familiar:
- You can see the sheet music, but you can't get to it through the storm of stars and lines whirling around the pedestal. $familiar crawls toward the pedestal, picks it up, and brings it back to you.
- Your earthen fist is so powerful even the stars tremble before it, and punch the cage into smithereens.
- During an Avatar of Boris path, with Trusty equipped, the right weapon text is replaced with:
- Trusty is made of stuff older than the stars, and makes short work of the cage.
- Clancy, excited by the prospect of the sheet music, darts through the storm of stars and lines and grabs it for you.
- During a Zombie Slayer path, the familiar text will be replaced with:
- You graaagh the sheet music.
- You telekinetically retrive the sheet music.
- You deftly grab the sheet music.
- Nothing more to see here.
- You open the door, to find Unexplained Jamaican Man. He speaks:
- "Hey, mon. How about a balloon, mon?"
- Unexplained Jamaican Man says: "Don't get greedy, mon. One balloon should be enough for anybody."
Located in The Entrance Cavern (2)
- Losing all of your hit points from a bad dice roll will give you Beaten Up for 4 turns instead of the normal 3.
- Using a clover at the skeleton door will ruin a Bad Moon lead-in.
- The balloon monkey can be used to get the easter egg balloon after the King has been freed.
- The answer to the riddle of the Jarlsberg's key is a popular American rock band of the '80s and '90s.
- When using a skeleton key at the Perplexing Door, the message given by the skeleton is a play on a line from the 1983 movie WarGames, said by the computer (Joshua/WOPR). "A strange game [Global Thermonuclear War]. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of chess?"
- The skeleton plays a dice-related game because dice are often referred to as "bones."
- The answers and rhyming structure to the riddles of Boris, Jarlsberg, and Sneaky Pete are based on Gollum's riddles for Bilbo in the book The Hobbit.
- The digital key puzzle -- as well as the message you get for a wrong answer -- is a reference to the Konami Code, a cheat code in the video game Contra (as well as in many other games).
- Unexplained Jamaican Man gives you a "balloon, mon." Because of your "balloon, mon"-key. Get it?
- The reasoning behind the winning roll for the Skeleton Dice Game being 11 is that 11 is an automatic winning roll in Craps (as is 7 actually).
- The above also explains why the skeleton says "I'll beat the crap out of you" (Craps being the dice game). It could also be a reference to the description of the Beaten Up effect.
- The Fishbowl may be a reference to Arthur Dent (and Wonko the sane's) fishbowls from Douglas Adams' "So Long and Thanks for all the Fish."