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Accessory, Mr. (How do I get/what is a Mr. Accessory?): A Mr. Accessory is just that - an accessory. A very nice accessory that adds 15 points to all of your stats. In addition, they can be used in the Mr. Store to trade for new familiars, special familiar items and other very cool accessories. They are received by donating $10 to the game - you get them as gifts in exchange for your donation. I'm of the opinion that if you play the game for more than a week, you should donate.
Ascension (How do I ascend?): By the time it is availible to you, you will know what you're doing. It is not hidden; you will find it. I promise.
Baleet (WTF is a baleet?!): Okay, first of all, it's a Homestar Runner reference. Second of all, by typing /baleet playername in chat, you can baleet them, meaning you will no longer see their messages in chat or get messages from them sent to your kmail. Baleet works exactly the same as /ignore. Yes, you can baleet mods; yes, you will still see mod warnings. To unbaleet a player, just type the same thing you typed to baleet them in the first place.
Bans (What happens when you're banned?): When you are banned you won't be able to send messages in chat (which includes PMs), nor will you be able to send kmail (green messages). You also won't be able to use the trading system. There's no flashing lights or big excitingness. You'll just get a little message telling you that you can't do it, and how long until you can do it again. That's all.
Bans (Dude, that's a long-ass ban! Way harsh, mod warning!): Mods do not choose the length of ban. It doubles each time. Bans for an outrageous amount of time (or permanently) just mean that the person has been banned many times before, and thus, should be shot.
Bans (Mod Warning, ban me just for a minute?): No. Just... no. Not only will mods not do it - they can't do it. So stop asking, you fucking idiot.
Bashy (How duz Bashy ascend so fast omg?): No one knows. Not even Bashy himself.
BoozerBear (How did Boozer [insert thing here]?): He's just that 1337.
Bugmeat (What's bugmeat?): Bugmeat is meat (currency) that resulted not from normal gameplay, but from a bug in the game, i.e. a glitch in the code. Bugmeat is meat that should have never existed in the game. However, nearly every player has at least a bit of bugmeat, even if only indirectly. Jick is working to install many, many things called "meatsinks" - cool stuff that costs a lot - into the game to drain the bugmeat from the economy.
Chat (How do I make my text italic/send PMs/change channels/etc.?): Go to "documentation" on the top menu on KoL. It will tell you everything you need to know. Or, type /? in chat. A list of all commands will appear before you, almost like magic!
Chatbot (What's a chatbot?!): Chatbot is a bot, that operates in chat. Pretty easy to figure out, huh? Anyway, she responds to certain commands in chat or private message. To find out some of the commands she responds to, type /msg chatbot help in chat. Chatbot is the creation of Fnord7 - his website can be found here.
Clans (What's a clan?/Which clan should I join?): My explanation of clans can be found here.
Costumes (Where do I get a costume?): This question is asked a million times when the game has Trick or Treat. A costume is the same as an outfit. Outfits can be obtained by adventuring in the area that contains the outfit. Many, many areas across the Kingdom contain outfits, and many of them are self-explanitory. Other outfits, such as Crimbo, or the Radio Free gear, are harder to get ahold of. The Radio Gear is only availible to Radio KoL contest winners (or those who are willing to pay said contest winners a lot of meat). See the section on Crimbo for more information on that.
Crimbo (What's Crimbo and why is it so expensive?): Crimbo is the Kingdom's winter holiday. When people refer to "Crimbo," though, they are usually talking about the Crimbo Duds. For Crimbo (as in the holiday) in 2003, everyone got presents. Inside these presents were wrapping paper (and other stuff). The wrapping paper could then be used to make a hat, pants, and sword. Crimbo Duds cost a lot simply because they cannot be made without wrapping paper, which was a thing that most of us weren't around for.
Familiars (How do I get a familiar?): Familiars are found in many places in the game. Some are ready-to-use, others have to be made. Several can only be obtained by trading a Mr. A (or 2 Mr. A's), in the Mr. Store on the Right Side of the Tracks - or, of course, buying them in the mall. Most familiars (or familiar ingredients) can be bought in the mall. To use a familiar, once you have one, get a Terrarium from the Market in Seaside Town. "Use" the terrarium (it'll be on the misc. page of your inventory), and then "use" your familiar. Access your terrarium from your Campground page. There you can choose to take the familiar with you, and rename it.
Familiars (What's the best familiar?): That is a question that is impossible answer. Each familiar does different things, and everyone has their favourites. I could tell you that I love my Gravy Fairy, but that wouldn't help you if what the Gravy Fairy has to offer doesn't interest you. Basically, just play around with the familiars and find the one you like. Careful with that Stab Bat, though!
Familiars (How big can familiars get?): Familiars can get up to 20lbs. Fight them in the Cake-Shaped Arena, and get an accessory for them and many can get up to 25lbs. With all the familiar skills and the accessory, that's 40lbs - this does not include other things you can use to beef up your familiar. Natural max is still 20lbs, though.
Gold (Blah blah... gold?): There is no gold in the Kingdom of Loathing. Unless you're talking about ye olde golde frontes, an accessory for Disco Bandits. I think you mean meat, the currency of the Kingdom, though.
Jick (Who the fuck is Jick?): Jick is the creator of the game.
Jick (What's Jick's in-game name?): Jick. Hence him being refered to as "Jick."
Lounge (What's lounge?/How do you get access?): Lounge does not exist. And you get there by killing the hermit. Really. (In case you're wondering: Yes, that was sarcasm. If you get lounge, you get lounge. Wishing, hoping, or trying for it will not work so there's no point. It's like an Ultra-Rare in a way.)
Mall (How do you get the meat from the stuff you sell in your store?): It goes directly to you. If it has not, right-click and refresh your character pane and your meat will show up. If this hasn't worked, be sure to make sure you didn't accidentally ascend while drunk in real life (it happens) - meat from your store goes into storage in that case.
Meat (What's meat?): Meat is the currency of the Kingdom. Meat equals money.
Meat (Can I plzzzz haev sum meat?!?!?): No. Please, no. Just... no. Not only is begging lazy and rude, but it will get you banned from chat (and bans CAN be permanent). If the people that you're begging from managed to earn theirs, why can't you? You can, you're just being pathetic.
Meat (How do you people get so much meat?): Most people make large amounts of meat from selling items they have gathered while adventuring, in the mall and/or the trade channel.
Messages (How do I send a message/PM/kmail?/What's a blue/green message?): On your top menu bar, you will see a link that says "messages" - click on that to be taken to what is commonly refered to as your kmail. Kmail and green messages are the same thing. If you can work email, you can work kmail. PMs/blue messages are messages sent in chat that come up as blue text. To send one of those, simply type /msg playername Message. If their name has a space in it, just replace the space with an underscore: /msg player_name Message.
Mod Warnings (But I didn't do it mod warning!): Mod warnings are seen by everyone in the channel, not just you. They're probably only talking to YOU if they say your name.
Mod Warnings (But I didn't know it was wrong!): Many mods regularly remind you of the rules just so you can't scream and cry and claim you didn't know. Additionally, by entering the chat you are saying that you did read the Policies of Loathing. You have NO excuse.
Mods (Who is the mod?): To find out which mod issued a warning or banning, simply click on the "mod warning," and you'll be taken to their profile. To find out which mods are currently online, add them to your contact list and type /friends in chat. The currently online mods will be listed (among your other contacts). A list of mods can be found on the official KoL forums.
Mods (How do I become a mod warning?!?!): Mods become mods by being responsible in chat. They are suggested by current mods, and picked by Jick and Skully, when they feel more are necessary. Most likely, you won't be one. Oh, and bothering the mods (or Jick and Skully) with requests to become a mod will just make them hate you. Not a good plan. Your best bet is to just play nice and be helpful and see what happens.
Mods (Mod smells/fucks his mom/has a small penis.): We tried to get Flinkle to shower, but she said she didn't have time. Tuttle has officially stopped having sex with his mom and is instead having sex with YOUR mom. And TheGreatYak is working on that... really. Seriously, though, don't flame the mods. It's stupidity in its most idiotic form.
Orc Chasm (How do I cross the Orc Chasm?): If you ask this question in chat you're likely to get a lot of snickering. If you don't understand why, say "Orc Chasm" aloud. Now think of what word that resembles. Riiight. If you still don't get it, break out the dictionary. But you'll have better luck with a shorter one, you know... one that's abridged?
Radio (What's Radio KoL?): Radio KoL is the semi-official radio station of the Kingdom. It is staffed by DJs from the player base (people like you, but cooler). It plays whatever sort of music the DJ likes, as well as requests, and DJs often give away meat and items in contests. To request a song, send the file to the station's
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and be sure to include the song title and artist.
Radio (Radio KoL doesn't work in Windows Media Player!!): You're right, it doesn't. Download WinAmp.
Radio (Who is the current DJ?): Type /msg chatbot dj in chat. Chatbot will tell you. Stop bothering us with it. Thanks.
Radio (How do I enter a contest?): Usually, DJs ask you to blue message (i.e. PM or Private Message) them in-chat. This means you want to type /msg dj_name Answer. If you do not know the DJ name, please see my entry for "Who is the current DJ?" which just so happens to be right above this.
Skully (Who the fuck is Skully?): Skully is Mr Skullhead, Jick's co-admin. Oh, and he's also a killer DJ.
Sunken Chest (How do I open...?): You can't. You don't. It just... does not happen. YOU do not open it.
Villa (What's villa?/How do I get access?): Villa is a chat channel for the richest folks in the game, usually (but definitely not always) the exploiter folks. Back in the day, you could buy a Villa document from Uncle P's Antiques on the Wrong Side of the Tracks for 500 million meat. You'll have to buy a Villa doc from another player now, though, as Uncle P's was destroyed.
Wang (What's a wang?): A wang spellchecks your chat for you. No, it doesn't spellcheck everything. Yes, it really works. It fixes commonly misspelled words as well as common lazy-ass abbreviations. Though, being honest, when Arbitrage said, "The entire purpose of the wang in this game is to make snide remarks when people ask what the wang does," she was right. ;)
Wang (I wuz wanged! Wuts taht do please tel me!?): This simply means that someone thinks your spelling in chat leaves a little to be desired. It does not affect anything outside of chat.
Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Message me in-game - I'm Elektra (#187512).
Acknowledgements: I'd like to thank tuttle freely (who I didn't ask if I could insult beforehand), Synkronos, Nikatoni, Fnord7, BioHazardMan, Vultar, flippy, Flinkle, Inari, KolMohDee, TheGreatYak, BoozerBear, Der Zilla, Moth, balex2290 and all the folks of /lounge and /clan for help, suggestions, comments, and support. I'd also like to thank the folks of the soredandsaucery LiveJournal community for their suggestions. Oh, yeah, and the folks of newbie. Because... yeah. And last, but definitely not least, Jick and Mr. Skullhead, for running what amounts to be the most kick-ass game around. Whee.
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